Meatball

Tadi di pasar malam di pekan kecilku saya singgah di satu gerai kambing bakar.

Saya cakap kat adik kambing bakar tu saya nak beli kambing bakar bbq satu set. Pastu dia tanya saya tak nak beli meatball ke. Dia cakap meatball lagi murah 5 ke 6 ringgit entah berapa entah satu set.

Saya tanya adik tu, "Meatball tu daging apa dik? Kalau ayam akak tak mau."

Then the adik looked up at me and I swear to god gave me the most condescending look siap dengan shoulder shrug sekali and said,"Kan meatball. Meat. Daging lembu la."

And I just dropped dead. Akibat panahan mata sinisnya yang menerusuk tajam ke jantungku yang berdegup dup dap dup dap di dalam kekeliruan.

Baling belakang

Tadi saya hantar gambar lama kat kawan saya.

Saya letak caption "Mengimbas kembali."

Tapi typo keluar "Mengimbas Kimball."

Kawan saya hantar balik gambar botol sos tomato. 

Jersey

Just now right before entering the rest room I saw a student drop some money on the floor. As I didn't recognize him I just called out the name that was printed on the jersey he was wearing.

"Daniel!". No response.
"Daniel!". He looked at me.
"Madam nama saya Izam."

Short silence.

"Alamak madam kantoi ar saya pinjam baju kawan."
And here I thought Daniel was the name of some famous EPL player.

Panjangkan telinga

One day many moons ago after picking up my niece from school we went to have lunch at a pizza parlour in our neighborhood. The boys at the table beside ours were gossiping about their lecturer. Or so I thought.

"Weh Mr X tu suka marah kat aku ar. Aku rasa dia target aku. Dalam kelas dia asyik bla bla bla..."

So I leaned closer to them to listen because I was just as curious to know who the lecturer was. Kot-kot la cikgu MFI kan.

Then Aina said to me loudly:
"Mak Long are you EAVESDROPPING meja sebelah?"

One of the boys heard this, looked at us, then looked around at their table and on the floor.

"Weh apa yang jatuh weh?"

Fuh. Lega Achik.

Cerita jeng-jeng-jeng

A few years ago we had an event at another campus, that ended with a gala dinner. So after Maghrib, we decided to change into our baju kurung attire at the toilet in the academic block.

Both of us were busy getting ourselves ready and discussing about the day's event when we heard someone flushing the toilet. Several times.

Aiseh. Habis la ada orang sudah dengar perbualan kami. Banyak jugak gosip yang telah diperkatakan.

Then before leaving I went to the toilet for one last time and I realized that my friend and I were the only 2 people in there.

And while we were packing up our things we heard the toilet being flushed again.

Moral of the story: We should remind everyone not to waste water. Tak baik tau main-mainkan orang macam tu. Terkejut Acik.

The indefinite article

The class was full and everyone was listening to Madame describing about one particular part of speech in French. The Definite Article. Which was going to be introduced much later in the syllabus but since a student asked so some explanation was due.

Madame: In the French language, you have to identify first if the noun is masculine or feminine, singular or plural...then you can use the proper definite article that goes with the noun.

Etudiant #1: Ohhh...Madame definite article tu apa Madame?

Madame: Hmmm...it's like using "the" in English. When you want to refer to something in particular.

Etudiant #2: Oh...ok. But in French we must use masculine or feminine ye Madame?

Madame: Oui.

Etudiant #1: Madame boleh bagi example tak? I don't understand la.

Madame: Ok...like for example "a pen" is a masculine/singular noun, so if you want to say "the pen" in French, you say "LE stylo". (while writing on the white board, drawing tables and such using marker pens in different colours to better illustrate her point).

*quiet rumbling amongst the students...peer discussion is always a good thing*

Etudiant #3: Aahhh..Madame I have a teka-teki for you.

Madame: Ok...let's hear it. *aku dah agak dah*

Etudiant #3: Ok Madame....how do you say "the asthma" in French?

Madame: Errr...l'asthme?

Etudiant #3: No...LE LAH....


Engineering technology is the profession in which a knowledge of mathematics and natural sciences gained by higher education, experience, and practice is devoted primarily to the implementation and extension of existing technology for the benefit of humanity.

Hmmm...maybe they should include the knowledge of languages as well...my kids they are super special! :) :) :)

Telefon

Last Saturday I was with a few friends in a car going somewhere. Then one of my friends asked me to call a person and gave me the number.

Friend: 010 bla bla bla
Me: Kenapa henfon aku tak boleh tekan 0 ni? Jap bagi nombor tu balik.
Friend: 010 bla bla bla
Me: See? Tak boleh.

Then I realized something.

"Eh aku tekan nombor telipon kat dalam app calculator!"

Sekian.