Advice from the young at heart

The other day I was chatting with my niece in the car on the way to Pusat Sains Negara (during one of our girl-bonding trips). We talked about everyday life and TV and movies and boys.

She asked me:
-Mak Long do you have a boyfriend?

I answered with another question:
-Why do you ask?

She replied:
-Oh, just asking. Tapi kan Mak Long, kita kena berhati-hati. Kadang-kadang orang lelaki ni nak berkawan dengan kita bukan sebab dia betul-betul ikhlas dengan kita. Kadang-kadang dia nak kawan dengan kita sebab dia nak main-mainkan kita. Susah tau Mak Long nak cari lelaki yang baik hati ni.

What? This kind of advice coming from an 8 year old?

So I asked her:
-Aina has someone been talking to you about this at school?

-Tak de lah. Tengok drama dengan Atuk. Cinta Elysa.

And Mak Long had to google it to know more because Mak Long is the biggest kayu besar when it comes to drama bersiri tempatan. Mahupun sinetron.

Detox

For the past three weeks I have been experiencing major acne break-outs and this has led to enduring tasteless jokes like "Ini jerawat gatal nak kawin ni" or "Meh aku tolong ubatkan" which in turn has stressed me up even more, resulting in more acne.

Then it dawned upon me that well, maybe a two-week detox programme might not be a bad idea after all since some skin problems are sometimes symptomatic of bad indigestion or over build-up of toxins in your body. Clean colons, clean organs, clean skin, clean well-being. So I tried googling to find out more and discovered some pretty interesting facts about detoxifying your body. Like, for example, a good detox not only cleanses the colon and removes toxins and chemicals from the vital organs, it also helps eliminate candida yeast naturally, balances the ph in your body AND re-introduce good flora back into your intestinal track. AHAH! I bet you didn't know that part, did you? Been feeling bloated and constipated lately? It's those damn evil flora in your tummy. Berjimba mereka beramai-ramai.

And I also googled to find out what I should avoid eating while on this regime. Here is the list of what to exclude from your detox diet:

Dairy Products and Eggs

Eggs and all dairy products are avoided, including:

• milk
• cheese
• cottage cheese
• sour cream
• yogurt and kefir
• butter
• ice cream and frozen yogurt

Wheat

Wheat and products containing wheat, such as pasta and bread.

Sweeteners

• refined sugar
• any white sugar
• any brown sugar
• high-fructose corn syrup
• evaporated cane juice
• artificial sweeteners

Gluten

All gluten-containing grains, including wheat, barley, rye, spelt, triticale, kamut, couscous, bran, and farina

Soy

• tofu
• soy milk
• soy yogurt
• soy sauce
• soy protein powder
• tempeh

Coffee and Caffeinated Beverages

• Coffee
• Tea
• Soft drinks

Animal Products

• beef
• pork
• veal
• sausages and hot dogs
• deli meats and cold cuts
• shellfish

Condiments

• ketchup
• relish
• soy sauce
• teriyaki sauce
• non-dairy creamers
• barbeque or steak sauce
• salad dressings not made with allowed ingredients
• mayonnaise
• spreads not made with the allowed ingredients
• similar condiments

Other Foods to Avoid

• yeast
• alcohol
• food additives and preservatives
• high-fat foods
• corn
• shortening
• margarine
• canned coconut milk

So, in short, for two weeks, I shall be surviving on breathing air and togok air suam. To my close friends and family, do sms or check in on me from time to time. I'm sure you'd find me easily, hanging on to some piece of furniture like a wasteful gelatinous sea creature, waiting patiently to be detoxified and be rid of all the warts and scars.

N/B: This woeful self-pitying episode starts next week lah of course. Minggu ni kena binge dulu.