Joyeux Anniversaire Papa

When I was a kid, my Dad would sometimes call home during the day to ask what I was doing.

Once in a while he would play a joke or two on me. The corniest one would be him calling home to inform me that while I was away at school, a boy called home to speak to me. When I asked him who this boy was, he'd answer "Basri." And then I'd ask, ''Basri mana?'' Then he'd give the killer line, ''Bas Sri Jaya.'' And laugh. And put down the phone.

I just want you to know that there is a gene called the quirky humor gene in the human DNA set-up. And it gets passed down at the very first opportunity. Hence it will be inherited to the eldest in the family.

My Dad with the quirky sense of humor is 69 today. Joyeux Anniversaire Papa. I love you lots.

Sambutan epi besday tidak semestinya ada pecah telur dan baling tepung

Semasa saya berada di sekolah asrama di Kg Kongo dulu, sambutan hari lahir selalunya diadakan bersama rakan-rakan sekelas atau sebilik asrama atau yang sewaktu dengannya. That was I think one of the highlight moments of my life at school, apart from being in the committee for Nancy Reagan's visit to the sekolah when I was in form 1. Saya bercakap yang benar ni. The First Lady of the US did come to visit us at school one fine day. In 1983. She came into our class and talked to us. That was the only time I went to class wearing my Girl Guide uniform (yang berwarna biru kenilaan dan bukan pink). I was quite in awe when she said hello to me. She was petite and looked so fragile. But her hair was BIG.

Pada hari lahir saya yang ke 17, kawan-kawan saya telah merancang satu majlis sambutan secara kecil-kecilan di dalam dorm. Makanan dibeli dari kantin. Kek pula bukanlah kek yang ada icing. Cuma sponge roll sahaja (atau lebih dikenali sebagai bahulu gulung di dalam kelas SRT bersama Puan Noraini). Tetapi kami happy dengan apa yang ada. Selesai acara makan-makan dan gelak-gelak dan nyanyian lagu birthday disusuli tepukan horey salah seorang dari kawan-kawan saya mencadangkan kami melakukan sesuatu yang lebih ''adventurous'' lah kononnya. Jam dinding pada waktu itu menunjukkan sudah tengah malam. Jam tangan saya pula menunjukkan hampir 11.48, kerana waktu di jam dinding tidak disynchronizekan langsung dengan waktu di jam tangan. Padan la bila aku balik semula ke kelas lepas recess pagi yang lain tak ada lagi (macam bagus).

Kawan saya mencadangkan kami melakukan sesuatu yang boleh menakutkan para pelajar lain, terutama sekali pelajar lelaki di blok asrama putera di seberang sana. Dia cakap, ''Eh korang jom kita buat-buat macam hantu pastu pegi takutkan bebudak lelaki nak?''

Jadi kami pun pakailah telekung beramai-ramai dan tepek bedak tebal-tebal di muka dan berjalan ke hujung blok asrama. Di sana kami membuat bunyi-bunyi hilai tawa berfrekuensi tinggi sambil mengangkat dan melambaikan tangan. Budak yang di belakang sekali ditugaskan menjadi look-out untuk memastikan cikgu warden tidak berada di dalam kawasan operasi.

Kami meneruskan gaya-gaya ghostly dan bunyi-bunyi mengilai. Dan kami merasakan yang kami telah membuat lakonan yang sungguh worthy of an Oscar nomination. Sehinggalah kedengaran satu jeritan dari asrama putera.

''Hoi Panjang. Itu engkau kan?''

Leceh betul la. Operasi pun dibatalkan. Dan kami berjalan semula ke dorm. Masuk bilik. Tidur.

No talking please!

For the past week we've been having our semester exams and this will continue until the end of this coming week. During one of my invigilation sessions, I was assigned to invigilate in a classroom along with another colleague. At one point he had to accompany a student who wanted to go to the toilet so I was left alone. Saya pun ronda-ronda keliling kelas to make sure all the students had all that they needed to answer the questions.

After a while I sat at the back of the class, beside a student who was right at the end of the middle row. The class was in total silence. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in answering the exam questions.

Selang beberapa minit kemudian, the boy who was sitting in front of the student I was sitting next to leaned back and said, ''Psstt...'' sambil memanding ke hadapan. Itu kira kononnya kalau invigilator nampak dia leaning ke belakang dia akan terus buat-buat stretching dan menguap. Sejak 1996 sehingga kini itu aje lah taktik yang sering digunakan anak-anak muridku. Aduhai sungguh tidak relevan lagi. BTW there are also other new and improved ways of cheating that we've discovered lately tapi tak boleh bagitau nanti para pelajar sedar yang kami para pensyarah sudah tahu taktik terbaharu mereka. Kami mahu membiarkan mereka sentiasa merasakan yang para pensyarah ini blur dan tidak tahu apa-apa.

Back to my story: Since the boy sitting beside me wisely continued doing his exam and did not respond to his friend's call (sebab cikgu Bedah berada di sebelahnya), I decided to lean forward to ask what he wanted. Nanti dia kecik hati pulak. Susah-susah dia meletakkan dirinya di dalam kadar bahaya tertinggi. Lalu saya pun bertanya, "Apasal?''

Lantas dia berbisik kembali (dengan mata masih memandang ke hadapan, bimbang gelagatnya diperhatikan orang), ''Apasal suara ko lain?''

Ikan puyu

One of my niece's three ikan puyus died while she was at school and when she came home she realized that one was missing. So she asked her Atok why there were only two fishies left. Her Atok told her that one had died. Then she asked what her Atok did to the fish. Her Grandma, fearing the worst outburst, admitted that she disposed of the little guy. And as expected, she protested, but with the reasoning, "Why didn't you cook him?"