SMS ON Cinta

Pagi tadi saya telah menerima sms ini:

RM0.0: Belum bertemu dengan teman yang sesuai? Putus cinta? Carilah Cinta baru anda di SMS Cupid dengan menghantar CUPID ke 29300. 20sen SMShantar/Percuma SMSterima.

Oh. Peluang baik. Untuk mencari cinta saya hanya perlu bayar 20 sen.

Lalu saya pun menaip "CUPID" dan saya hantar ke 29300.
Sms baru diterima: "Cari Cinta siapa?"
Sms susulan saya: "Anuar Zain"
2 minit kemudian: "Maaf. Lelaki Ini tidak termasuk di dalam senarai data kami. Tapi sudikah anda menjadi Wajah Kesayangan abang Hail?"

Tidak! Saya main-main saja! Saya mahu wang saya dikembalikan!

Masihkah kau ingat?

To all of you who are from the Peperiksaan Penilaian Darjah 5 era, let me take you a trip down memory lane. Remember this green book?

Amacam, teringat tak zaman beg kotak? Rambut parting tepi guna Brylcreem ?

Dialog bersama pelajar: Episod 1

-Madame, can I ask you something?
-Oui. Vas-y.
-How tall are you madame?
-1.79cm.
-Wow. Tingginya. Madame nak tau tak?
-Apa dia?
-Kalau madame dalam LRT kan sure orang ingat madame tiang pemegang. Heheh joke madame joke.
-(dalam hati): "Aku pelempang jugak budak ni kang."

It's not that I'm too tall. I've just exceeded my genetic potential, that's all.

Teka-teki

Sometimes when my lady friends come to my spa for their beauty pampering they will bring their kids along. And when you have a chat with the children, you will discover that their little minds actually hold a mine of interesting information.

During one of my teka-teki sessions with them:

-OK Aunty kenapa Superman pakai baju ketat?
-Sebab dia superhero?
-Salah. Sebab baju dia saiz "S".

-Banyak-banyak binatang, binatang apa yang paling terer?
-Aunty tau! Gajah! Sebab dia besar.
-Salah. Penguin. Sebab kalau dia lawan binatang lain, dia buat Peng!! (bunyi tembakan) lepas tu dia Win (menang) la!

Dan yang paling aku terkena:

-Aunty, jalan jalan jalan jumpa darah setitik. Apa dia?
-Hah...biji saga! Ini teka-teki lama. Aunty tau.
-Salah. Jawapan dia kan, darah setitik la. Kenapa la Aunty nak pikir teruk-teruk sangat? Hahahahahah.


Kalau ada sesiapa yang ada teka-teki tu, silalah berkongsi bersama supaya saya boleh mengkagumkan mereka pula bila saya berjumpa mereka di lain hari.

When classes start, strange things happen

Use of certain words deemed inappropriate in this blog entry is solely for illustrative purposes.

Overheard at the cafe this morning between two students:

-Oi babi ko mandi tak pagi ni? Muka berminyak je.
-Mende lu butoh. Ko pun sama je la.

Where I work, an animal can talk to a human appendage and still understand each other.

Next time don't just smile

Dulu masa bersekolah di Kg Congo, kami ada seorang cikgu biologi. Namanya Miss Alice Tan. Kalau dia marahkan anak muridnya, dia akan kata,
"I hang you on the fan!"

...

Yesterday I had class for the first time this semester. So at 8am I went up to the second floor. I entered the classroom. Only one student.

Okay.

8.05am. Still the two of us.

Hmmm.

8.15am. Still nobody else.

La la la.

8.20am. A handful of them came together. Most probably from the cafeteria after their breakfast. But still no full attendance.

Okay. Takpe. I'll do a movie screening.

Everybody let's go to the mini theatrette and watch a movie.
Yeay! Everybody's happy.

Still no sign of the rest.

8.50am. One measly student sneaked into the projection room while we were watching the French movie.

He sat down. I looked at him. He looked at me. And all he did was smile. That was it. Just one lopsided smile. No apologies, no nothing. Not even a simple Bonjour.

So I went to my handbag and took out my pink mini neutron blaster. I took a shot and shrank him to Lego man size. And then I shoved him into the inside pocket of my handbag. Susah jugak nak zip poket tu. Tak habis-habis budak tu meronta.

Now the tiny boy is in an empty hamster cage in my office. I have tied him to the spinning wheel to make him run. Since he doesn't seem interested to join my class, he might as well just stay put in the cage. Sekurang-kurangnya adalah hiburan sikit di masa-masa saya bosan di pejabat.

And whenever I see him faltering, I will poke his behind with a sharp toothpick. Just to keep him going. Because I need the constant kinetic energy to run the portable mini fan I have on my table.

Hahahaha. Baru puas hati aku.

Buuuuuuuuuuulan madu di awan biru

Bila abang Amy naik pentas, akak terus terlompat terkinja. Rock kapak akak suka. Akak menjerit ikut sama. Akak terkenang zaman sekolah. Zaman fly. Zaman naik bas lantai kayu. Kg Congo lah katakan.

Akak jerit, "Amy!!!! Wa caya lu beb!!!!!"

Akak lupa. Mula-mula tadi akak marah dengan Siti.
Eleh.
Macam la dia sorang boleh tarik suara.
Akak pun nak try jugak.
Nak nyanyi lagu "Tak tahan Tak tahan" tu ha.
Dengan Azlan and the Typewriter.

Jadi akak dah tekad.
Akak nak buat indie band sendiri.
Akak pilih nama "Cik Pap and the Tupperware".
Bukannya apa,
nak menyebut Papillon tu panjang sangat!