Signs of old age #3

When you talk about "zaman katrij", your young colleagues think you're talking about the toner for the printer.

Knock knock

Last night during the commercial break of the American Idol program I told my 7 year old niece a knock knock joke. But I had to explain to her first how it was done since it was interactive and I needed her to participate as well.

So I started my joke:

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Waiter.
-Waiter who?
-Waiter minute!

She looked at me for awhile. It was that "Hmm I'm a little confused about this whole issue" look.

She asked, "But you said waiter? How can it be waiter minute? That's not right."

So I asked her to tell me one. She said okay.

This was hers:

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?
-Aina.
-Aina who?
-Aina la your niece!

Then she looked at me and said, "That's how you play it Mak Long."

Friends forever

Manickam mengosok matanya berkali-kali. Dia masih tidak percaya apa yang dilihatnya. Mungkin ada silap. Dia menanggalkan cermin mata dan dilapnya dengan hujung tshirt birunya. Isterinya selalu menegur perbuatannya itu. Katanya takut baju cepat kotor dan lensa cermin mata tercalar.

75. Itulah nombor keramat yang dicari. Sekarang masih 98.

Aku menepuk bahunya perlahan-lahan dari belakang. Apa lagi yang hendak dikatakan? Kepala ini sudah naik buntu.

"Aiyo, friend. What to do la? Sudah banyak bulan saya cuba. Turun sikit saja."

Jelas terpancar kekecewaan di wajahnya. Berkerut-kerut dahinya cuba menahan sebak di dada. Aku kenal benar perangai rakan baikku ini. Persahabatan bermula di bangku sekolah lagi, sejak kami digandingkan bersama buat pertama kali di dalam pementasan drama untuk kelab Bahasa Inggeris. Dua-dua cuba merebut watak utama. Sebagai Batman.

"Jangan putus asa. Kita cuba lagi. Entah-entah mesin penimbang ni rosak. Bacaannya mungkin sudah lari."

"Mana ada rosak Johari. My wife baru beli semalam. Ada offer beli satu dapat satu air kotak free."

Aku cuba memikirkan apa relevannya hadiah percuma air kotak dengan ketepatan bacaan mesin penimbang itu tapi ku diamkan sahaja.

"Itulah. Ini semua you punya pasal. Lepas treadmill saja, you ajak saya pergi teh tarik la, roti bom la. Sekarang tengok? Bila saya kata tak boleh saya mahu kurus you cakap nooo laaa ini one time sajaaa. Hah apa sudah jadi?"

Eh, aku pula yang kena bom.

"Don't worry la friend. Kita set a new target okay? Esok kita pergi jumpa Personal Trainer di gym kita tu. Kita buat exercise program yang baru."

Tapi aku tahu aku perlu melakukan lebih dari itu untuk menyakinkannya. Aku tahu. Aku kawan karibnya.

Dan hanya Johari yang mengenal Manickam.

It's an IT infested world

Once in class, I asked my students to do a bit of writing. I went around to see their work. Some of them asked me a lot of questions. Some preferred to discuss with their friends.

One of the students wrote all his sentences in small letters. I guess it's the habit you cultivate from years of texting messages and typing emails to others instead of writing letters the old-fashioned way (now known as snail mail). So I reminded him about this grammar point.

"We have to use a capital letter to start a sentence."

He turned to his friend.
"Capital letter tu apa wei?"

His friend's reply: "Kalau kau nak mula ayat tu kena la guna Caps Lock."

"Owhh. Okay okay."

It doesn't work anymore

Circa 1980:

My dad was watching something on the television. I was on the floor beside him in my own fantasy world, playing masak-masak. My teddy bear was the VIP guest and I had to prepare a special treat for tea-time. So we were talking and laughing (my teddy and I), catching up on news while we waited for the imaginary fried meehoon to cook. And of course, making a lot of noise. Then suddenly my instincts told me that I had a pair or eyes piercing through my back. True enough, when I looked behind I saw my dad staring at me. So I got the message and shut up.

Fast forward to a few days ago:

My dad was watching his favorite documentary on the telly. His granddaughter was on the floor beside him, in her own fairytale land, playing with her dinosaurs. They were having a loud discussion on what to wear for a party (my niece and her dino friends). My dad used the same tactic he used on me 30 years ago. He just stared at his granddaughter. She caught him staring at her.

And stared back. With hands on the hips.