Ala sayang ucuk ucuk

A term of endearment is a word or phrase used to address and/or describe a person, animal or inanimate object for which the speaker feels love or affection. Terms of endearment are used for a variety of reasons, such as parents addressing their children and lovers addressing each other.


(definition taken from Professor Wikipedia-Serba-Tahu)

And it is very interesting to observe how these terms of endearment vary from one language to another. In English, most terms of endearment are concrete nouns that have favorable associations, either with a sweet taste or the nature of the relationship. If you notice, a lot of the words are associated with sweet sugary desserts:
1-pie
2-cutie pie
3-muffin
4-love muffin
5-honey
6-pumpkin
7-cupcake
8-sugar
9-sweetie

All this high intake of sweet words of love is supposed to elevate the nature of your relationship to another level. So if you wanted to lose weight, would you call your other meaningful half "my low-fat diet cupcake''? Tak kena pelempang ke kalau cakap macam tu?

In French terms of endearment are more likely to be associated with cute animals or rather an assortment of barnyard animals (for the most part lah) that make you want to go ''Ooohhh you cute little bobo''. Like rabbits or kittens. And associated with the notion of love, of course. Bukankah bahasa Perancis itu bahasa romantika de amora par excellence? Here are some examples:
1-mon amour (my love)
2-mon bébé (my baby)
3-mon petit bébé (my little baby)
4-mon petit bébé d'amour (my little baby of love)
5-mon ange (my angel)
6-mon petit ange (my little angel)
7-mon coeur (my heart)
8-mon petit coeur (my little heart)
9-ma belle (my beautiful)
10-ma biche (my doe)
11-ma bichette (my little doe)
12-mon canard (my duck)
13-mon chaton (my kitten)
14-mon lapin (my rabbit)
15-mon petit lapin (my little rabbit)
16-mon petit chat (my little cat)

In Bahasa Melayu (or Bahasa Malaysia? Do you want to emphasize on its source of origine or its role in national unity?) it's even more complicated. Try as I might, I can't really seem to find the common factor that binds these terms:
1-intan
2-payung
3-gunung
4-berlian

Jadi apakah faktor persamaan keempat-empat perkataan di atas? Nilai harga yang tiggi? Saiz? Kekerasan? You tell me.

Well at least we still have ''sayang'' or ''ayang'' (dengan sedikit nasalized intonation for the manja effect). But we also have ''bucuk'' or ''ucuk'' especially when talking to babies and toddlers. Don't ever say that to an adult. He or she might get offended or paranoid ingatkan dia ada B.O.

So that is why it is important that we know more than one language. We need variety. A whole load of it. I do not want to be called a berlian for the rest of my life. And if you call me payung I will make sure you have one sticking up your measly little kawah gunung.

Muay Thai

(rewind)

We used to have a black cat who chose to live at our house for a few weeks a long time ago (ini jenis kucing tanpa visa tetap). We called him Blackie. No surprises there. Everybody in the house lacks creative juices when it comes to naming cats. Kucing hitam? Blackie. Kucing kelabu? Abu. Kucing betina? Tina. Kucing betina hitam yang banyak kerenah? Diva Letchumee.

Well anyway one of Blackie's character that I found totally annoying was that he had the skill of making himself totally limp and lifeless when we had to put him outside, ie when we wanted to go out. He would just transform into a dirty black rug and you had to pull/push/do whatever is necessary to get him out. Once I tried using just my foot to shoo him away. He just slid across the floor, down the stairs and out of the door. Just like moving a rug with your foot.

(fast forward)

A few days ago I followed a girlfriend for a free Muay Thai trial lesson in a studio in PJ. We arrived there an hour early to get some breakfast before doing the class. I was hoping the appam with brown sugar would give me all the strength and stamina that I needed to go through the session. Dah lama tak pergi gym ni lingkaran lemak yang begitu tebal semakin melilit abdomenku.

Each one of us had one instructor assigned to teach us. Mine was a young Muay Thai fitness instructor right out of UiTM (nampak gayanya la). Pleasant and polite. The first few minutes was the introduction to the different punches: jab, cross, hook, uppercut. Then you had to practise the punches with the instructor as your sparring partner. So since this was one-on-one there was absolutely no room for "mengelat". If you were in a big gym studio doing a bodycombat class with 30 other people, for example, rasa-rasa dah penat tu pergi je la ke tepi studio and relax for awhile. Minum air ke, lap peluh ke, buat-buat ikat tali kasut ke kan.

At the end of 30 minutes I started to feel faint. I felt that I had to sit. I told the instructor that I was very tired. He allowed me to rest for awhile. So I went to the corner of the ring (yes we were in a proper boxing/muay thai ring okay don't play play) and plopped myself down on the floor. Dah tak peduli dah apa orang lain nak kata.

The instructor let me sit down for a few minutes and then asked me to get up and continue doing some kicks. I said no. He said okay only learn one more kick. I said okay asalkan boleh belajar sambil duduk. He said mana boleh kalau kaki dah melunjur tu. I replied well then no more kicking. He came towards me to help me up.

I crossed my legs. And made myself limp and lifeless. Just like Blackie. And you'd have to be a freakishly strong man with superhuman power to carry 70kilos of dead weight from sitting position to standing up. The instructor gave up and helped me take off my boxing gloves.

At that moment I thought of the black cat and only had these words for him: "Thanks dude. I owe you one."

Hot or cold?

One day I had this conversation with my niece about her new topic of interest: living in the Antartica. She'd been reading or more likely looking at pictures of creatures of the sea and was convinced that the South Pole was the ideal place to be. And since she was going to be staying in the cold, she wanted to be a walrus as well. It was okay to be a walrus even if it meant putting on a lot of weight and having difficulty moving and limited personal space around you when thousands of your own species are all hanging around on the same beach or piece of land at the same time. Not to mention having those long tusks to keep and maintain. Susahnya untuk menyebut huruf-huruf vokal dan berkomunikasi dengan kehadiran taring yang panjangnya hingga ke dada.

-Aina tau tak berapa banyak nak kena spend nanti untuk beli Colgate kalau Aina jadi walrus? Gigi dia panjang tau.
-Mak Long, those are not teeth. Itu tusks. I can just clean it with a brush and water.

OK. Mental note #1: Do some research on a walrus' dental/tusk hygiene.

After that short but intellectual conversation, we went to the petrol station nearby to buy newspaper. She followed me into the mart. I noticed her wrinkling her eyebrows but didn't ask her what was wrong.

Later, in the car on the way home, she told me, "It was so freezing cold in the kedai just now Mak Long. You know what, I don't think I want to go to Antartica if it's so cold like that. I think I want to go to Africa now. And live in the Safari."

Errrr. OK. Mental note #2: Look up on the dental/tusk hygiene of an elephant instead of a walrus now. That's also another one of her favorite animals.

Puntianak dan serigala

Yesterday I went to the movies for the first time in ages. One of my girlfriends bought us tickets to go see Eclipse from the Twilight saga. To the uninitiated (read: uninterested) like me, it's actually a modern day vampire story. If you read the printed version, I think there are already 4 volumes, and counting.

Eclipse is the third installment of the movie trilogy. But not the last, I heard cos they're making the fourth one. So I shouldn't be calling it a trilogy. I didn't watch the first and second. But still could understand the whole concept of ''female mortal human trapped between making the decision of choosing who she wants to be with: to get married to a vampire and be one of them or remain her physical self thus saving her soul but instead confess her love to a werewolf aka a male Native American shapeshifter''. If this girl was one of my students I'd only have one advice for her: "Ko kenapa tak sudah-sudah carik pasal?''

Well to cut the crap short I found the movie rather slow-moving. I was so anticipating the fighting scenes to alleviate the boredom of listening to corny lines and cliche dialogues. Allow me to illustrate my point with some:
-Doesn't he own a shirt? (asks Edward the vampire to Bella the confused human girl about Jacob)
-Let's face it. I'm hotter than you. (replies Jacob the werewolf to the vampire)
-You're quite adorable when you're jealous.
-I promise to love you till my last breath (or something to that effect)
-Feel it, Bella. Flesh and blood...Warmth....
-I know you love me. You just don't want to admit it.

Maybe it's age. Maybe it's mid-life crisis. But I just don't get the ''brooding romance'' and ''gothic chills''. Black is not my favourite colour. Heck it's not even a colour. It's a non-coulour.

If I was Bella, I'd be having these issues:
1)die standing out of the boredom from everyday monotonous conversation totally devoid of any emotion whatsoever.
2)vow to change the Volturi (the so-called overseer aka Vatican clan in the vampire community) wardrobe from black to pink
3)always fight with Edward over use of lipstick cos he needs to look less pale and not arouse suspicion regarding his whitewash face.
4)but in the end choose Jacob the werewolf because every man in his house goes permanently shirtless and have six-packs and tattoos. And if they die the fur would make nice coats and rugs.

Macam sama, tapi...

When I was studying in France, the seniors used to organize usrah sessions regularly for all the Malaysian students. Usually the usrah will be held in an appartment that is large enough to hold 15-20 people and with at least two rooms to separate the mensfolk from the ladies. And sometimes some of the Indonesian students will be invited as well, as they too make up the ''rumpun Bahasa Melayu'' community in the town where I was studying.

After one such session, it was time for makan-makan. Since the ladies were all in a room across from the kitchen, all the food and plates and glasses were passed to us by one of the men sitting outside. Kebetulan pulak masa tu saya yang berada di muka pintu bilik dan yang menghulurkan makanan dan pinggan mangkuk adalah seorang daripada abang-abang Indon yang sedang belajar di salah sebuah sekolah kejuruteraan terkemuka di bandar Poitiers. He didn't know how many of us were there in the room so he kept asking if we had enough of everything.

While he was passing the plates to us, I realized that it we needed three more. Jadi terpaksalah saya memberitahu kepada abang Indon itu (yang rupanya ada ala-ala Broery Marantika sewaktu muda). Dan konon-konon nak tunjuk yang saya pun bisa berbahasa Indonesia maka saya pun cuba-cubalah ngomong di dalam telo bahasa mereka.

-Pak, pinggannya nggak cukup!
-Oh iya? Butuhnya berapa?
(Alamak. Amenda abang ni cakap? Mencarut ke ni? Tapi tak nak tunjuk tak tahu jawab je lah)
-Butuhnya satu saja pak!

Dari jauh kedengaran suara senior saya memberitahu:
-Ko nak pinggan berapa Ti?
-Ohhh. Nak tiga. Cakap la pinggan.

Jadi pengajaran yang dapat diberikan melalui penceritaan kisah ini (terutama sekali kepada para pelajar yang ada membaca blog post ini) adalah: Jangan malu bertanya. Kalau tak tau, tanya.

Isi minyak

This morning I stopped by a petrol station to fill up. It's the one that I go to because it's in the way thus convenient, I have a loyalty card and sometimes they serve free coffee in the morning. Tapi yang buat slacknya adalah layanan sub-zero dari the cashier atau pump attendant mereka. I always wonder why do people with no communications or interpersonal skills work at the counter. If you plan to live the rest of your life sulking and being nasty to others (tanpa mempunyai alasan kukuh seperti PMS ataupun menderita water retention disebabkan oleh PMS) then please do everyone a favor and go work in a place where you don't have to meet people. Like in a store, doing stock-checking. Or in a aquarium, as the one diving into the huge tanks to feed the sharks. Memang confirm tak boleh bukak mulut untuk mengeluarkan kata-kata yang kurang menyenangkan kerana nanti tertelan air.

I get annoyed with the pump attendants because they keep trying to sell you wipers and engine coolant even if you tell them that you don't need any at the moment. And be cockily arrogant when you start questioning them.

-Akak engine coolant ni kena tukar ni. Nanti brake hose pecah.
-Adik, apa kena mengena engine coolant dengan brake hose?
-Alaaa...akak perempuan, mana tau.
(Rasa macam nak backhand kan budak macam ni? Tapi saya hanya senyum dan suruh dia pergi main jauh-jauh)

Anyway today I went to that petrol station as usual and as I was queuing up I saw that budak ''engine coolant/brake hose'' at the cashier counter. Aisey ini mesti akan ada adegan siut sebab budak ni memang suka buat hal dengan aku. In front of me there was an old man standing to pay as well. Di dalam lingkungan 60an, berpakaian kemas, berambut putih. He was counting and mumbling about the rising price of petrol. And looked at me. I just nodded and agreed with him. He took out a loyalty point card which was not the one to be used at this petrol station. So I told him gently that he got the wrong card out. He looked at me and thanked me. And got out the right one. He smiled at me. I smiled back.

When it was the old man's turn to pay, he took some time to take out his money. Everybody in the line didn't seem to mind and just waited patiently. But the budak siut had to open his mouth and say something nasty.
-Cepat sikit pakcik. Ramai yang nunggu tu ha.
-Kejap ye nak. Pakcik nak keluarkan duit ni. Kunci kereta pun tak jumpa.
-Haiiii....pakcik ke tepi la dulu nanti beratur balik boleh tak?

At this point I had to open my mouth (sedikit sahaja sebab tak cakap banyak sangat) and told the kid to take a chill pill. I said to him that when he gets to this man's age he might just behave in the same manner as well. So rilek je la. And he glared at me.

Anyway by this time the old man had taken out some money and the loyalty point card in his right hand. He gave RM10 to the kid and said ''Merah." Budak siut bertanya kepadanya, ''Pam berapa?''. The man replied, "Entah. Tu ha yang tersadai kat luar tu.'' And grinned at the kid at the counter.

He was showing at his basikal Raleigh tua yang berwarna hitam. Kalau di kampung mak saya di Kuala Sepetang basikal jenis ini dipanggil basikal jantan sebab ada palang.

Oh. Orang gila rupanya.

Everyone queuing up was either smiling or laughing quietly or trying hard to hide one. But I just cannot tahan la. Terpaksa gelak terbahak-bahak bila melihat senyuman aku tidak bersalah pakcik tua tersebut and the kid's red face. Entah menahan marah entah menahan malu.

My day really started with a big smile!

Hello again!

I haven't been blogging for the past week if you have noticed (has anyone, by the way?). I had attended a 4-day training in Bukit Bintang (berkenaan Bahasa Perancis, nevertheless, but all the participants were more interested with the after training hours activities yang merangkumi lawatan sambil membeli-belah ke BB Plaza, Sg Wang Plaza, Lot 10, Pavillion dan tidak dilupakan Plaza Low Yat). We stayed at the Capitol Hotel which was located right smack in the middle of the Bukit Bintang area. Very easy access to anywhere. And one thing that I realized when I was there was that I felt like an alien in my hometown. Sebabnya everywhere you go, you see women draped in black and all covered up except for their eyes and chubby hairy men wearing tshirts and seluar katok. Seriously, our capital city has been invaded by the Middle Eastern people. They have outnumbered the local population in the BB area by 1 to 5. The 18 year-old Pakistani girl who does threading and waxing at my spa has brothers and sisters in KL, India, Pakistan, the UK, the US and UAE. Now that seems like a more plausible strategy for world domination, don't you think? Plant your seeds in every possible corner of the planet and spread the roots of your origins far and wide. It's all in the name of globalization anyway.