Lawatan ke kilang Hitachi

Last Friday I went to Hitachi Electronics here in Bangi for the first time. I had to go there to visit a student who's currently doing his industrial training in that company. At the security booth, I had to register myself and surrender my driving license. I was given a vendor pass and showed the way to the visitor parking. Then I had to use the supplier entrance, which is rupa-rupanya not the proper main entrance. Since I had the vendor tag on me, that's the entrance that I had to take. They didn't have any Cikgu Bahasa Perancis yang menyamar sebagai vendor entrance.

As I entered, I was surprised to see so many people coming and going into the three corridors that divided the ground floor. Ramai sangat gadis-gadis muda. And they all looked at me and smiled. Then I realized something.

They were all five feet tall or less.

Do you all realize how tiny all these foreign female workers are? I was literally swarmed by them. Imagine a birthday cake with one tall candle sticking out of it. That was how I felt. I was lost in a sea of Indonesian midgets.

And to put the cherry on the top of the proverbial cake, upon leaving, when the security guard handed me back my driving license, he actually gave me a pantun dua kerat.

"Terima kasih daun keladi
Kalau senang datang lagi"

Part of their KPI perhaps? I'm impressed. And highly amused. :-)

How do you mend a broken heart?

I am now experiencing severe withdrawal of the chemicals dopamine and oxytocin, short circuiting my brains, resulting in high amounts of cortisol in my body. I am running low on happy hormones. My trust hormone is at sub-zero level. As such, I am constantly feeling fatigued and sleepy. I am guessing this is my body's defense mechanism against heartbreak. Maybe if I went to sleep, all my worry will go away.

Alas that is never the case. I wake up at odd hours during the night, always feeling a tightness in my chest. Sometimes it is hard for me to breathe. I just want to lie in bed all day. And sleep. But I can't. My evil buddy insomnia is throwing my sleep cycle off.

And my tear ducts work overtime.

But I am patiently waiting for this depressing cycle to end. And bounce back to my normal self. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by friends and family who are understanding enough to let me be without asking too many questions, offer advice when needed, and be there for me. It's heartwarming to know that there are still some people who love you.

The trick is to stay occupied. And always have faith in the Almighty that when something happens, it is always for a reason. He knows what's best for you. Right now I might just feel like kicking his ass for giving up so easily, but I'm sure in the long run, in perspective, I might just begin to fathom the scheme of things. How maybe I was not meant to be in this kind of life. Or simply that if a person ditches you at the slightest obstacle and not want to find other means and ways, well then maybe he was just not so into you after all.

Do I have the face that says ''The fun starts here. Please wash hands after use. Thank you and have a nice day''?

Do I not deserve some love and happiness as well? And some degree of respect?

Freud has long suggested writing about any deep traumatizing episode you might have experienced for the cathartic effect. Ceh gila bombastic punya ayat padahal it just means writing crap about some shitty thing to let off some steam. So here I am trying to let go of some of my ''deep negative emotions that I might ignore or repress'' through expressive writing. Bluek.

Well for whatever that has happened, when all else fails, I still have my faith, my family, my friends, my cats and my wacky sense of humor.

And to the person responsible for all this extreme sadness and unhappiness, would it be possible for me to claim damages? If you think a broken heart is just some foolish romantic notion, well think again. I have to live with all this physical pains and aches in my body and it is taking a toll on my health and sanity. Kalau kita demam, kita boleh pergi klinik dan minta panadol (kalau tak nak bayar kena cari klinik panel), tapi kalau kita patah hati, ada tak hospital yang buat injection anti-kecewa?

I know you are reading this. Yes. You. So tell me, where is the nearest hospital I can go to check myself in and ask for dopamin and oxytocin I.Vs? That would help clear this blur in my head. And ease the pain a little.

But so would an unlimited spending budget.

Bantal

Today my dad was transferred to the normal ward from the CICU. The nurses have taken off the catheter and most of the IVs and he has less wires stuck to his chest. But as any other patient who has undergone a heart op, he has his little pillow that he holds close to his chest to make it less painful for him whenever he coughs to get the phlegm out.

During the elevator ride up to the normal surgery ward, my little niece looked at him and remarked, ''Eh eh Tok Ayah pun dah ada bantal busuk macam Aina.''

My dad in CICU

Last Thursday my dad went for an open heart surgery to repair a 1cm leak around his artificial mechanical valve. Syukur Alhamdulillah he made it through the 5 hour operation although he is still at present in the CICU until Monday. Every day we will go and visit him, or rather just wait by his bed and let him sleep. Tak sampai hati nak berborak panjang because he is still so tired from the whole ordeal and needs as much rest as possible to recuperate.

Yesterday during visiting hours when it was my turn to go see him (for the CICU patients they are only allowed one visitor per visit) I just let him rest and did nothing except hang around his bed looking at the beeping monitors and all the green and yellow lines. Macam lah faham kan what all the readings meant. Tapi buat-buat tengok je la. My dad had all the different colored wires stuck to him. One for his heart beat, one for his arterial pressure, another for something else. And at least three IVs as well. So it was best not to wake him up because he will then want to move about to find a more comfortable position. Try lying immobile on a bed for at least one day and you will see how hurtful your bum can be.

When he finally opened his eyes and saw me, he asked if I had been waiting there long. And asked how I was. I told him gently to just carry on sleeping and not mind me. He nodded.

Then he opened his eyes again and beckoned me near. He loosened his oxygen mouth cover and said something intelligible. I bent nearer. Bapak aku ni nak cakap benda apa yang penting sangat ni?

He said again, "Ambik la gambar Papa dalam CICU ni. Tapi Papa tak sempat sikat rambut.''

But the nurses wouldn't allow it. They were afraid the photos might be posted on FB.

Leceh betul lah misi-misi zaman sekarang ni. Semuanya celik IT.

Which floor are you going to?

My dad has been warded in HUKM since last Friday. He is going for a surgery this Thursday so the doctors are now preparing him for it and at the same time still trying to assess if he is fit enough to undergo the two surgeries that he needs to go through: the lung and heart surgery. So everyday I will go visit him during lunch break and after work.

Yesterday as usual after work I headed straight to HUKM. By the time I reached the hospital it was nearly 6pm so it was quite easy for me to look for a parking space. And lagipun tengah hujan lebat so kalau masa-masa hujan lebat ni orangramai tak berapa nak melawat hospital kot. I was even alone at the elevators.

I got into one and pressed the button to go to the 5th floor, where my dad is, in the surgery ward. But the thing is, the lift stopped at every floor and at each time it stopped, the lift doors would open and close and go up. By itself. And every time there would be no one outside who wanted to get into the lift.

So by the time I reached my floor and got out, I wondered how crowded that lift really was with "people". Brrrrr.

Do I know you?

In my bid to reignite my passion and interest for exercising (I have lately taken an extreme liking to lying horizontal with one hand holding the remote control while watching back-to-back series of NCIS and Criminal Minds, no thanks to ch 710) I finally took the final leap and stepped into the gym for the first time in many donkey years. A lot has changed: a complete turn-over of staff, a slight facelift in the decor and new instructors. But alas, less dance classes. Tapi tak apa lah. The fact that I have managed to drag myself into the gym after so long pun deserves a giant pat on the back *uhuk uhuk tersedak jangan la tepuk belakang aku kuat sangat*

After my work-out, at the towel counter to collect my gym card before leaving, I stood beside this cute Chinese looking guy (bermata sepet), waiting patiently to hand over my used towels. He was busy asking questions about his new membership and entah apa-apa lah lagi. I wasn't interested to know because I was quite annoyed with him for taking up too much time and there was only one boy manning the counter (notice the gender bias in the English language with the verb "to man"...is it proper to say a girl manning the counter?)

So I just looked at him with the hope that if he noticed me staring at him he'd shut up and leave.

But instead he looked at me and said, "Hai. Kenal saya?"

And I'm like whoa! ini sudah nak kena go into overdrive ni. 15 tahun punya student database nak kena retrieve bukan senang wo. But to save face I smiled back and say, "Apa khabar?"

He replied, "Khabar baik. Rajin pergi gym ya?"

"Tak rajin lah. Baru nak mula balik. How's work?"

"Good. Boleh la cari makan heheheh."

"Oh OK bagus lah. You dulu course apa ye? I can't seem to recall your face. I'm sorry. I teach so many students."

"Errr...no...you tak pernah ajar saya rasanya..."

"Habis tu kenapa tanya saya kenal awak ke tak?" *in full Cikgu mode*

"Saje la. OK lah saya balik dulu."

And he walked away. And I was left there wondering and confused.

I looked at the towel boy and shrugged my shoulders. He looked at me and laughed.

"Hai akak tak kenal ke? Dia tu kan pelakon drama kat Astro tu? Si polan tu la!"

I use the word polan because even when the boy told me the actor's name it didn't ring a bell and by the time I reached my car outside I'd totally forgotten about it.

Kepada aktor drama bersiri tersebut, saya meminta maaf kerana tidak mengenali anda ketika anda bertanya kepada saya soalan cepumas itu. Please understand. I am just a teacher living in my own little delusional world of teacherdom. If you are a young adult male aged 18-23, you fit right into my student category. You smile at me and I will automatically start thinking: Diploma? Bachelor? Welding? Metal Fabrication? Automotive? Air Conditioning?

I have to start accepting the fact that not every young man wears the green or blue MFI jacket and safety boots. Some are actors. Others work in the gym. The rest either jual VCD at the pasar malam or participate in lumba haram.

Such a bleak outlook towards the youth of today. Can I blame this bad mood on PMS?

My pudgy fingers need time to type

After two weeks of total wipe-out from the blogging world, I have finally resuscitated attempts to at least type out a line or two. But 14 days of intensive sugar/fat/carbo-loading has left my brain quite befuddled. Nak mengeja ''resuscitate'' tu pun aku kena check dengan abang Wiki. But nevertheless I have started to come out of this fuzziness and begin to think that maybe just maybe if I started moving around a bit my brains would actually follow suit and function in full action mode. Dan lagipun kawasan tompokan selulit semakin menular memenuhi seluruh peha dan jika dibiarkan tompokan-tompokan jahat ini akan mengambilalih setiap inci lapisan epidermis ku.

So as a big leap towards self-motivation for physical activities I accompanied my girlfriend to her Muayfit session. Ikut dulu, nanti minggu depan saya pun buatlah. Kumpul semangat ni! And maybe when classes begin next week I might have the courage to stay away from the evil fat and call leafy greens and veggies my best friends.

But as I told my girlfriend during our lunch at KLCC after her work-out session, it's hard to ignore your celullite cells calling out to you for help when you decide to eat sensibly and healthily and include more fibre in your diet.

''Feed me! Feed me! I'm starving here. I need more fat!''. Itulah kata-kata yang sering dilaungkan mereka kepada saya. All these little voices running around in my head, playing havoc with my fitness plans.

And thus I finish the last remaining Portobello mushroom filled rosemary ravioli on my plate and enthuse to my friend, ''Sedap betul dia punya garlic cream sauce kan?''