The blind date turned deaf and mute

OK here's another weird story. This week will be a week of freakish blog postings. This story is a bit longer than my usual two or three paragraphs of rambling so please bear with me.

A month ago a few of my friends invited me out for dinner, during which they introduced me to a guy and left us to "enjoy" the rest of the evening together. Kira macam blind date la.

The next day this guy told my matchmaking friends that he doesn't want to go on a second date with me anymore because he thinks I am not funny.

Okaayy...

Well anyway a few weeks later the same guy texted me to ask me out. I said no. He insisted. I told him to stop harassing me. He still continued texting me. He even said that I would be lucky if someone would ask me out because quote: "you tu dah tua". Unquote.

I informed my matchmaking friends about this. They dealt with it. A few days later nightmare guy sms-ed me to apologize.

But he still asked me out.

Some of my friends gave me a few tips on how to get rid of Mr Blind Date From Hell.
a) Look for his car and spray paint BACK OFF in pink.
b) Ask him to take you out to the most expensive restaurant and then at the end of the meal tell him you're a lesbian.
c) Go make a police report and get a restraining order.

I didn't do any of the above.

Then a few days ago, I was having a meal with a girlfriend and we were discussing about this ordeal and were weighing the three options when Whoosh! out of nowhere Mr BDFH appeared and walked in front of us. He saw us at our table and headed straight towards us, smiling and saying hello. And asked me out again.

Then my girlfriend unexpectedly pulled me to her, looked at him straight in the eye and told him to back off. "She's my girl.", katanya. And planted one big kiss on my cheek.

Mr BDFH looked at us in disgust, geleng kepala, and left.

His last parting sms informed me that he never wanted to see me again. That I was anyway too tall and not pretty.

Saya pun lepas tu geleng kepala. It felt strange being kissed on a cheek by a 150cm girl who claimed to be my boyfriend.

It almost felt like dating a midget.

The funniest joke on earth

What happens when the person who most probably hates you the most in this whole wide world decides to send a request to be "friends" with you on Facebook?

You stare at the screen for a while, try to figure out the rationale and when you come to realize that there is none, you just laugh your ass off.

Paranoia is an ugly disease. It plays evil tricks on your mind. It can make a person do many stupid things.

I have long moved on. I suggest you do the same.

Nak apa?

This morning I had to go to the bank and at the ATM I met a friend who was with the her cute and adorable 4 year-old boy. So cute he reminds me of Mort from Madagascar 2 and I think he's secretly in love with me too because every time he sees me he will shout out my name on top of his lungs and run to me and plant one big wet sloppy kiss on my cheek. Amacam, penat tak baca ayat yang tak ada tanda koma ni?

Well anyway after yakking for a few minutes her queue number was called and I volunteered to take care of little kiddo and her bags.

So while waiting for his mom, we played set-set-set-bom-bom-bom-yes sir-no sir-one-two-jus! and we were at our fourth round when cute boy said to me loudly:

-Aunty nak pookie!

Everyone at the bank looked at us and smiled. For once I was stumped for words. Apa benda la nak jawab kat budak ni?

-Abang nak apa tadi? Nak makan ye?
-Abang nak pookie? Boleh tak Aunty?

Her mother looked back and saw the flabbergasted look on my face and calmly told her son:

-Bukan pookie sayang. Cookie. Mintak tolong Aunty ambikkan dalam beg Mama.

Kus semangat. Berdebar jugak aku.

Dream

Last night I dreamed that I entered into this room in a building I've never been to before. The moment I entered the room, everything went dark and I couldn't see a thing. I started to panic and quickly left the room and ran back to my bedroom. Then I realized that it was all a dream and found my way back out of that place. I could hear myself thinking, "Oh Yati tadi masa tiba-tiba gelap tak nampak apa-apa tu mimpi ngeri je. Rilek la." And felt relieved that I had woken up.

Then I heard the alarm of my hand phone beeping and woke up. At that moment I realized that in my dream, I realized that I had been dreaming and thought I had snapped out of it, when in reality I was still sleeping.

Jika kita kupas dan kupas dan kupas lagi, agak-agaknya how many layers of the human psyche can we find?

Busy

Busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy!!!

Entah pa yang sibuk sangat tu saya pun tak tahu lah. Entahkan betul-betul sibuk, entah-entah saja menyibukkan diri, itu kadang-kadang saya pun keliru sendiri.

Tapi yang pasti: BUSY!!!

Beg tuisyen

This morning I had quite a lot of things to bring out of the car to the office. My tuition bag, my handbag and another pile of books. But as I was locking my car door (read: kereta yang melebihi sepuluh tahun tiada lagi mempunyai sistem alarm) I realized that I was missing my tuition bag. So I had to go the passenger side of the car, unlock the door and look for the bag. Tiada. Cari di seat belakang. Tiada juga.

Some of my students were walking by the car at that time. One of them asked me what I was looking for.

-Saya cari beg tuisyen saya.
-Oh. Warna merah ye madame.
-Eh? Macamana kamu tau?
-Itu yang madame galas kat bahu tu?
-Itu handbag saya.
-Handbag madame kat bahu kiri. Beg tuisyen tu madame galas kat bahu kanan.

I was so busy looking for the bag inside my car that I didn't even realize that I had it all the time slung on my shoulder. I didn't even feel the weight of it.

-Heheheheh.
-Apa kamu gelak-gelak?
-Madame...madame...have a nice day!

Kalau budak tu cakap saya ni dah mula pelupa, memang saya tarik telinga dia.

Now I have to still look for that red bag. I know it's here somewhere in the office. :-)))

Flick Fishing

The other day my niece wanted to play Flick Fishing on my iPhone. So I tapped on the games icon to start the game for her. When she started playing, there was no sound. Which was not a normal thing to happen since usually when you cast the line "virtually" you can actually hear the sound of the reel.

Jadi Mak Long pun mulalah menggodek-godek telefon bimbit yang sungguh canggih-manggih sampai tak terkeluar pun apa-apa bunyi. Switch off. Switch on. Go to Settings. Bega-bega volume. Vibrate on. Vibrate off. Delete game Flick Fishing tersebut dan download kembali dari App Store. Nasib baik free.

But to no avail. So the last resort was to call the DIGI centre to inform them of my predicament. And perhaps get a new iPhone to replace this faulty one. (yeah right)

Throughout the whole process Aina just observed me. And then before I could call the helpline, she put up her hand and said, "Mak Long I think you need to switch off the mute button."

Err. Oh.