Kereta Baru

This morning as I was walking to my office I saw one of the lady cleaners and bade her a very good morning.

-Good Morning auntie!
-Good Moorrrninnggg!! Wo cikgu sudah ada kereta baru ka?
-Takde la Auntie saya pinjam kereta mak saya.
-Wo. Apa pasal cikgu? Sindri punya kereta mana pigi?
-Rosak teruk la auntie. Kena hempap pokok depan rumah. Saya sudah hantar workshop kasi repair.
-Aiyoyoyo...saya baaanyak kesian sama cikgu. Itu kereta dulu nombor 3777 kan?
-Kenapa auntie mau tau?
-Nanti saya angkat nombor ekor.
-Ohh. Kalau menang auntie mau buat apa?
-Macam-macam boleh buat. Takpa cikgu punya pasal, kalau saya menang, saya tanam balik itu pokok baru. Kasi ganti yang sudah tumbang.

Huarghhhhhh!!!! Tak nak kawan!!

Baking show on TV

Last night I arrived home late after one hour of combat martial arts followed by a light dinner with girlfriends. After taking a nice cool shower I switched on the telly to wind down a bit, sambil memakan aiskrim Magnum Classic yang sungguh lazat.

There was this interesting cooking programme on Astro. The chef was showing how to bake a meringue. Or Bomb Alaska. I think. I was trying to jot down the ingredients and at the same time watch her do all the baking steps and try to hold on to my ice-cream.

And at the part where the chef said, "Now please be careful here when you bla bla bla..." and I was heavily concentrating to not miss any crucial part (with my ice-cream stick in mid-air) my big orange cat dengan sungguh selambanya berjalan di hadapan skrin televisyen, berhenti di tengah-tengah, mengiau beberapa ketika, dan meneruskan perjalanan untuk pergi baring betul-betul di sebelah kanan televisyen.

And thus ended my interrupted baking lesson.

Perbualan di muka pintu bilik peperiksaan

-Why are you out so early? This paper ends in one hour's time. You have one hour more to go.
-Alah madame, susah sangat la, kalau duduk lama-lama pun bukannya dapat idea baru pun.
-Oh. OK.
-Jom la madame saya belanja madame teh tarik.
-Orait. Tapi tunggu la saya jaga exam ni sampai 2.30pm. Awak yang keluar awal.
-Oh ye tak ye jugak.
-Yep.
-Alamak lamanya lagi. Saya balik dulu la madame. Panas.
-Pulak.

Industrial training presentation #1

This morning I had an industrial training presentation to attend. The student came in, set up the computer, showed his slides and started his presentation.

-Good morning. My name is bla bla bla and today I will present. First I will talk about the company then I will talk about the project.

All the lecturers nodded.

-First the company. Bla bla bla...

The lecturers nodded.

-So my conclusion is bla bla bla.

The lecturers looked at each other. Did we miss something out here? Were we abducted by aliens before he started talking about his project and were beamed back into the room in time to hear his conclusions? Did I suddenly fall asleep?

-May I ask you where are your slides for your industrial training project?
-Oh madame, hilang la madame. Masa edit malam tadi terdelete.
-Okayyy...what about your industrial training report? Maybe you can show us something and explain from there.
-Tak bawak la madame. (read: tak siap lagi)
-All rightey....what about pictures? Can you show us some of the pictures you took of the machines and explain to us what you did?
-Gambar dalam laptop madame. Tapi kat rumah.

Kalau ada pertandingan "Rebutlah Peluang Untuk Mendapat Markah Gagal Di dalam Industrial Training Presentation", this boy would've won hands down. Blind-folded. Strapped in a straight jacket. Dan mendapat undian SMS tertinggi dari para penonton.

Word game

Last weekend my niece asked me to play a word game with her. So I said okay and proposed the "make a sentence from any two given words".

-Okay Mak Long let's play.
-Okay let's see. I will give you two words and you make a sentence using the two words.
-Okay. And you too okay Mak Long? But me first.
-Hmmm. What about remote control and giraffe? Come on Aina, you go first.

(In my mind, I had already thought of my sentence: "The giraffe swallowed the remote control.")

-Well...Aina and Atuk are watching television. Then Atuk feels bored because she doesn't like the cartoon channel. So she takes the remote control and changes the channel. Then they watch National Discovery. Atuk looks at the animals and says to Aina,"Let's go to the zoo Aina." So they go to the zoo. But the drive is very long. At the zoo, they see a lot of animals. But Atuk likes the giraffe the most.

Then my niece looked at me and said:
-The end. See? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. That was fun Mak Long! Now let's hear your sentence!
-Errr...oh hey Aina I think I hear Atuk calling you downstairs.

Dan Mak Long pun tukar topik.

Generation gap analysis #1

A few days ago I bumped into a friend and his current mata ayer, hanging on to him for dear life. OK maybe that was not a very neutral description. But please let me try to explain. My friend is 45. She is 23. MLC at the most viral stage.

Well anyway due to the misfortune of this accidental encounter I had to sit down and have coffee with them. And update current events in each other's personal lives. I wanted to tell him to just read my FB status for more info but bit my tongue in time. He wasn't on my list of friends.

Miss Mega Block Busters (seriously, they're huge) was quiet for some time and observed. Sometimes she smiled at me.

Then we started talking about old school rock groups and I mentioned about a mutual friend who just bought a vintage Iron Maiden t-shirt.

To which Miss MBB finally menyampuk and said, "Akak Yati, yang kat channel AFC tu bukan Iron Maid la. Iron Chef. Orang Jepun tu."

Lantas aku hot disebabkan beberapa perkara:
a) Dia panggil aku Akak.
b) Dia menyamakan Iron Maiden dengan Iron Chef.
c) Kenapa dia boleh keliru akan hal ini?
i) She mistook Iron Maiden for Iron Maid.
ii) She thought I was actually referring to the Iron Chef when she thought I said Iron Maid.
iii) She has never heard of Iron Maiden. Her dad might have.

Tapi yang lagi best adalah bila dia terus senyum kepada kawan saya yang sedang dilamun asmara MLC seraya berkata, "Ayang nasib baik baby ada Astro kan?"

I have said this before but I will say this again. For a person like her, if she wants to have a higher IQ, she'd have to stand on a chair.

Dan kalau Iron Chef tu mat rock, kemungkinan besar dia layan Loudness.

Perbualan mengenai negeri

Earlier this week I was at a friend's place and overheard their two daughters' conversation. -Cucuk mata dia! -Tak baik la buat macam tu. Nanti mati masuk melaka. Kalau mati masuk Melaka, bila lapar kita boleh makan Curry Devil. Kalau mengantuk nak tidur kita boleh pergi Bukit Katil. Kemudian di malam minggu pergi jumpa mata air di Padang Temu. Tapi hati-hati. Kalau jalan-jalan pegang tangan di Zoo Melaka tu pandang kiri-kanan. Takut ada Gajah Berang. :-))