Blur

A few days ago I went to Alamanda to do some errands. So many things to do, so little time, on an empty stomach. And it didn't help matters that the chicken rice shop I went to for my meal served everything with a super extra dose of MSG. Terus sakit kepala.

Well anyway after my early dinner I went straight to the nearest ATM to withdraw money. I was queuing behind a young man who seemed to have trouble with his card. He was an average sized young man, quite muscular, with neatly combed black hair. Bila tengok dia rasa sejuk hati. Pakai baju pun tuck in.

And I honestly didn't know why but out of the haziness of my MSG induced headache I walked behind him, peered over his head (aku kan tinggi) and just stared at the ATM screen.

And I think he could feel someone breathing down his neck and looked back.

"Oh mak engkau tinggi nya ya Allah terkejut aku bila masa akak diri kat belakang saya akak oiiii....!!"

Alamak. Dari jauh macam lelaki GQ tapi bila terkejut melatah pulak. Dan bersuara popon.

Sampel

Yesterday I went to do some grocery shopping at a hypermarket in Kelana Jaya. While I was at the check-out counter busy loading my things into the trolley, I noticed a group of youngsters waiting around me, each holding either a product sample or vouchers. And true enough the moment I had paid the cashier and was walking slowly towards the escalator, the three of them crowded around me with something to offer.

-Kak, ambik je kak sampel ni, free je, takyah bayor.
-Akak ni tinggi macam model la...akak ambik je voucher ni...
-Akak tak nak tau ke ini sampel apa?

Then I stopped and looked at them.

One of the young men looked back at me and made a remark.

-Alamak. Akak ni dah buat muka Ada Aku Kesah la.
-Takpe la kak. Kitaorang gi cari akak lain.

And I went back home.

Birthday lunch with my besties

This is the pink VW on top of the birthday cake that my besties gave me when we went for lunch yesterday. So from today onwards I will look at this picture in the morning when I wake up and at night before going to bed and wish real hard that this cute little pink car will be a reality. And if I focus even more, hey I might even get those full red bee stung lips and one additional cup size.

But whatever it is, thanks a lot girls for the fab time. It was super awesomeness! Muah!

Kereta Baru

This morning as I was walking to my office I saw one of the lady cleaners and bade her a very good morning.

-Good Morning auntie!
-Good Moorrrninnggg!! Wo cikgu sudah ada kereta baru ka?
-Takde la Auntie saya pinjam kereta mak saya.
-Wo. Apa pasal cikgu? Sindri punya kereta mana pigi?
-Rosak teruk la auntie. Kena hempap pokok depan rumah. Saya sudah hantar workshop kasi repair.
-Aiyoyoyo...saya baaanyak kesian sama cikgu. Itu kereta dulu nombor 3777 kan?
-Kenapa auntie mau tau?
-Nanti saya angkat nombor ekor.
-Ohh. Kalau menang auntie mau buat apa?
-Macam-macam boleh buat. Takpa cikgu punya pasal, kalau saya menang, saya tanam balik itu pokok baru. Kasi ganti yang sudah tumbang.

Huarghhhhhh!!!! Tak nak kawan!!

Baking show on TV

Last night I arrived home late after one hour of combat martial arts followed by a light dinner with girlfriends. After taking a nice cool shower I switched on the telly to wind down a bit, sambil memakan aiskrim Magnum Classic yang sungguh lazat.

There was this interesting cooking programme on Astro. The chef was showing how to bake a meringue. Or Bomb Alaska. I think. I was trying to jot down the ingredients and at the same time watch her do all the baking steps and try to hold on to my ice-cream.

And at the part where the chef said, "Now please be careful here when you bla bla bla..." and I was heavily concentrating to not miss any crucial part (with my ice-cream stick in mid-air) my big orange cat dengan sungguh selambanya berjalan di hadapan skrin televisyen, berhenti di tengah-tengah, mengiau beberapa ketika, dan meneruskan perjalanan untuk pergi baring betul-betul di sebelah kanan televisyen.

And thus ended my interrupted baking lesson.

Perbualan di muka pintu bilik peperiksaan

-Why are you out so early? This paper ends in one hour's time. You have one hour more to go.
-Alah madame, susah sangat la, kalau duduk lama-lama pun bukannya dapat idea baru pun.
-Oh. OK.
-Jom la madame saya belanja madame teh tarik.
-Orait. Tapi tunggu la saya jaga exam ni sampai 2.30pm. Awak yang keluar awal.
-Oh ye tak ye jugak.
-Yep.
-Alamak lamanya lagi. Saya balik dulu la madame. Panas.
-Pulak.

Industrial training presentation #1

This morning I had an industrial training presentation to attend. The student came in, set up the computer, showed his slides and started his presentation.

-Good morning. My name is bla bla bla and today I will present. First I will talk about the company then I will talk about the project.

All the lecturers nodded.

-First the company. Bla bla bla...

The lecturers nodded.

-So my conclusion is bla bla bla.

The lecturers looked at each other. Did we miss something out here? Were we abducted by aliens before he started talking about his project and were beamed back into the room in time to hear his conclusions? Did I suddenly fall asleep?

-May I ask you where are your slides for your industrial training project?
-Oh madame, hilang la madame. Masa edit malam tadi terdelete.
-Okayyy...what about your industrial training report? Maybe you can show us something and explain from there.
-Tak bawak la madame. (read: tak siap lagi)
-All rightey....what about pictures? Can you show us some of the pictures you took of the machines and explain to us what you did?
-Gambar dalam laptop madame. Tapi kat rumah.

Kalau ada pertandingan "Rebutlah Peluang Untuk Mendapat Markah Gagal Di dalam Industrial Training Presentation", this boy would've won hands down. Blind-folded. Strapped in a straight jacket. Dan mendapat undian SMS tertinggi dari para penonton.