Perfect timing

This is an example of perfect timing:

A few days ago I went to Alamanda to meet up with a friend. As I was walking towards the meeting place, another friend called me up so we chatted as I walked. I was on the first floor, and as I passed the Chicken Rice Shop (chicken rice and more paa pa pa pa!), which was situated on the ground floor, I could smell delicious food and I made this remark to my friend on the phone.

"Waaa I can smell good curry la from here!" while looking down towards the shop.

I looked back up and saw that at that precise moment there was this family of four Indian nationals staring at me. The father was shaking his head. And how did I know they were from India?

The man turned to his wife and said, "If we were in Delhi, I would've mashed her into Palak Paneer. How dare she talk about us like that."

Adoi. So there you go. An example of perfect timing.But wrong place. Wrong time.

NB: Palak Paneer is a popular North Indian dished of mashed spinach and cheese. Makan dengan dhal and butter chicken and naan sedap wo.

Datin Ghairah

Last week I watched Datin Ghairah at a friend's house on Astro First. Mental torture and abuse.

If we just take all the cliches at face value without thinking rationally about the real lives of everyday people this is what we can say about the rich as they are portrayed in the movie:

1) Orang kaya semua cakap slo-mo:

If you watch Datin Ghairah you will notice that Maria Faridah speaks super slow. As if she has been heavily sedated. And I don't have the faintest idea why. Sebab setahu saya orang kaya ni banyak bisnes (kalau mereka membuat bisnes lah seperti Datin Ghairiyah), jadi kalau banyak bisnes bererti banyak kerja yang perlu dilakukan dan segala percakapan lebih-lebih lagi di waktu business meeting adalah straight to the point and pronto-pronto-pronto sahaja. But she takes her own sweet time and you as the viewer will just have to claw yourself to the seat to stop yourself from throwing a hard object to the screen out of frustration.

But there might be several explanations for this kind of speech:
a) Lack of script to fill up the 1.5 hours of movie length. (Itu pun dah ada olahan pada skrip asal ye if you read the credits at the end of the movie)
b) Lack of intelligence for dialog memorizing hence the need to speak slowly so that the lines will come out easier.
c) Percubaan untuk mengetengahkan karektor utama sebagai seorang wanita yang cekal dan tabah serta tenang dalam menghadapi segala situasi. Beliau cukup kuat untuk menangani segala permasalahan walaupun terpaksa melakukannya seorang diri kerana suaminya telah lama meninggal dunia. Case in point: in one scene a group of bad guys tried to hijack their Hummer and kidnap her daughters. Nasib baik ada bodyguard/whackboy. Sebab drebar pun terus pengsan dan-dan tu jugak. Well anyway when she got the phone call from the bodyguard who reported about the terrible incident, all she could say was, ''A.p.a? A.d.a....o.r.a.n.g....n.a.k...c.u.l.i.k.....a.n.a.k....s.a.y.a...?...T.a.p.i...k.e.n.a.p.a....? O.h.h.h.....me.r.e.k.a...t.i.d.a.k...a.p.a-a.p.a...?...B.a.g.u.s.l.a.h....'' Without real expression. if it had been me receiving the news, being the cepat melatah that I am, I would have immediately run around in circles like a headless chicken in panic, lari setempat, kemudian panggil semua orang yang saya kenal dan bergegas ke balai polis berdekatan. Unless, of, course, I got the phone call that threatened the lives of my loved ones if I did so. In that case I'd contact the FBI. Dalam TV semua orang buat macam tu.


2) Anak orang kaya semua pakai seksi:

Dalam bilik, dalam rumah, dalam kereta semasa adegan penculikan, dalam kompleks membeli-belah, di tepi pantai, di majlis keramaian di tepi kolam renang atau di mana sahaja sekalipun, kod pakaiannya adalah spaghetti strap atau tube top atau sleeveless dress. Rasa-rasanya di Monaco pun para wanitanya tidaklah sampai sebegitu. Tapi entahlah saya tak dapat nak confirmkan hal ini kerana saya pun masih belum berjumpa dan bertemu jodoh dengan seorang lelaki kaya yang mempunyai rumah agam atau villa di Monaco untuk saya merasai kehidupan seorang rich and famous socialite.

Tapi masa kelas tuisyen pun nak pakai seksi-meksi tu buat haper? Sebab cikgu tuisyen abang Aaron ye?

3) Abang-abang polis semuanya tak pandai:

In this movie Aaron Aziz is a police officer who actually has to go undercover as a tution teacher to get closer to the Datin and her kids to solve a case. He has to teach secondary school Math to the two daughters. In one scene, he is having his class a) outside at the patio b) using a A3-sized white board (please be reminded they live in a three storey bungalow with probably 15 rooms inside) c) on the board it was only written ''2X2=4''. Eh please la. Kot iye pun boleh tak tulis formula yang panjang sikit? At least Theorem Pythogoras la. Dan para pegawai polis sekarang ni ramai yang sudah mengupgradekan diri. Ramai yang berijazah sarjana muda atau sarjana ok. Dan zaman sekarang ni bukan budak-budak sekolah sudah semakin pandai ke? Sudah belajar First Law of Thermodynamics atau advanced Calculuus sekurang-kurangnya? Ke itu bebudak MFI?

Begitulah sedikit sebanyak. Kalau tak percaya cubalah tonton di Astro First> Lepas tu kita boleh bincang semula.

Eh, aku tengah promote ke ni? Hahaha.

Animal Planet CD

My niece is playing with the Animal Planet CD yang dapat free dalam kotak Koko Krunch on my laptop. And talking to herself.

-Wow! I got the answers right Mak Long. I'm a super genius. I can be a psychopedia.
-Bukan psychopedia Aina. Encyclopedia.
-Oh yes yes yes. Cocopedia.

Mungkin sebab makan Koko Krunch? Pandai macam cocopedia?

NB: By the way the Animal Planet CD is super fun and very educative. There are 3 to collect. We just have one. Two more to go. But we might just OD on KK after that.

Grocery shopping

A couple of days ago I went to a hypermarket for some grocery shopping. I had two lists: one from my mom and another one that is reimbursable so I needed two separate bills. So at the checkout counter I put the things that I could claim for payment first since ada 3-4 barang jer. And I told the cashier that I wanted to pay twice.

"Adik akak bayar barang-barang ni asing. Yang sikit dulu lepas tu baru yang banyak kat belakang tu."

The adik nodded.

"Adik akak nak dua resit ye."

The adik nodded again. And maybe rolled his eyes a bit.

So after scanning the prices for the 3-4 stuffs from the second list, the adik put them all in a plastic bag. I paid him, put the plastic bag into my trolley and started to walk away.

Then I heard the adik shouting:"Akak! Ni barang yang banyak-banyak ni siapa nak bayor?"I had totally forgotten about the things from my mom's grocery list.

Gula, krimer, glo, softlan, roti, telur, minyak, kitchen roll, sosej, nugget, burger, susu, oats semuanya melambak di sebelah adik cashier yang kebingungan.

And as he was scanning the prices, he said, "Sebelum ni kan kak, ada orang pernah lupa henbeg, lupa bawak duit, lupa ambik balik kad kredit. Tapi akak sorang je boleh lupa nak bayar barang."

Oh well.

Girls' day out

Today is girls' day out with my niece. So we went to One Utama for some arts and craft. Even at 11.30am, the basement parking was already quite full. As I was driving around looking for a parking space, I made a remark about this. She replied: "In Aina's world Mak Long there's no problem about parking. All the cars can fly. You should live in my world." Hmm. Maybe I should ask her about the air traffic congestion over at her side. Nak kena bayar tol kat mana? Road tax reduced by how many percent? But that would all have to wait. Because right now little missy's busy doing her angry bird notice board at Get Crafty.

Ouch.

Just now I went grocery shopping with my niece. In the hypermarket, she was busy helping me find everything I had in my list.

At one time, she wanted to hold my arm to get my attention. But immediately pulled her hand back.

-Ouch! That hurts! Ada rasa macam cucuk-cucuk.
-Owhh. Itu elektrik statik Aina. Kalau Aina pegang troli ni pun Aina boleh rasa cucuk-cucuk tu.
-Eeeee tak nak peganglah! Nanti sakit macam masa pegang lengan Mak Long tadi.

I was about to explain to her about static electricity when she shouted her bright idea out loud for everyone to hear (anyone within a radius of 10 metres would get the message loud and clear):

-Aaaaaahhh! Saya tau kenapa sakit tadi bila nak pegang lengan Mak Long. Ini mesti sebab bulu Mak Long tajam!

I swear to God I heard people snickering all around me.

The world is round

-Mak Long, what do you think we can find on the other side of the world?
-Another country.
-Are you sure? Because it sure seems so far. How can we know?
-Maybe we should ask someone then.
-Yes. We should ask a scientist. An earth scientist. Mana nak cari earth scientist Mak Long?
-At the Pusat Sains Negara?
-Oh goody. We can call them up!
-Aina why don't we just buy a globe and see what they have on the other side of this planet?
-Oh. Boleh ye Mak Long?
-Boleh.
-Jadi tak payah cari earth scientist?
-Nope.
-Sebab susah nak cari ke Mak Long?
-Yes.
-Owh. Ok. Then maybe we can find earth scientists on the other side of the world. *snicker*