What I Want in a Man

I read this on a paper place mat at a Japanese buffet restaurant and had to share with you guys. It gave me something to ponder on while chewing on my salmon sushis and sashimis. I am now at the Revised List (age 42). :D

What I Want in a man, Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises

What I Want in a man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, pulls back chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries

What I Want in a man, Revised List (age 42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I am in the car
3. Works steady-splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
9. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where the bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good shape enough to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Membeli cermin mata di KL Sentral

Yesterday I finally went to see the optometrist and get a new pair of glasses. The young man who attended to me was very polite and always had the right words to say. Sales pitch kena bagus kan, barulah customer nak duduk dan mencuba semua frame spek mata dan membeli.

After trying out what seemed to be the 100th pair of frame, I got what I wanted and proceeded into the small dark room to have my eyes checked. He was very reassuring and told me to relax and focus as he did his job. Sambil-sambil tu ada la small talk sikit.

-Kakak...itu abang kat luar ha, dia kata kakak kerja mekanik, betul ke?
-Dia kata apa lagi?
-Takde apa. Itu saja dia kata.
-Ohhh. Ya la. Eh kalau saya jadi mekanik pun ok jugak?
-Yaaa...memang apa kerja pun baik. Tapi saya tengok akak kalau jadi cikgu pun ok maa.
-Kenapa awak cakap macam tu?
-Kakak jangan marah tau saya cakap. Tapi saya tengok kakak macam cikgu sebab kakak suka instruct buat itu ini.
-Eh mana ada? Pandai-pandai je kau ni Eddie. Dah tolong pergi ke luar tu ambik handbag saya. Tertinggal kat luar tu, atas kerusi.

And he left this woman who was in total denial, while muttering to himself something that sounded like "Haiya say oso no use."

Perfect timing

This is an example of perfect timing:

A few days ago I went to Alamanda to meet up with a friend. As I was walking towards the meeting place, another friend called me up so we chatted as I walked. I was on the first floor, and as I passed the Chicken Rice Shop (chicken rice and more paa pa pa pa!), which was situated on the ground floor, I could smell delicious food and I made this remark to my friend on the phone.

"Waaa I can smell good curry la from here!" while looking down towards the shop.

I looked back up and saw that at that precise moment there was this family of four Indian nationals staring at me. The father was shaking his head. And how did I know they were from India?

The man turned to his wife and said, "If we were in Delhi, I would've mashed her into Palak Paneer. How dare she talk about us like that."

Adoi. So there you go. An example of perfect timing.But wrong place. Wrong time.

NB: Palak Paneer is a popular North Indian dished of mashed spinach and cheese. Makan dengan dhal and butter chicken and naan sedap wo.

Datin Ghairah

Last week I watched Datin Ghairah at a friend's house on Astro First. Mental torture and abuse.

If we just take all the cliches at face value without thinking rationally about the real lives of everyday people this is what we can say about the rich as they are portrayed in the movie:

1) Orang kaya semua cakap slo-mo:

If you watch Datin Ghairah you will notice that Maria Faridah speaks super slow. As if she has been heavily sedated. And I don't have the faintest idea why. Sebab setahu saya orang kaya ni banyak bisnes (kalau mereka membuat bisnes lah seperti Datin Ghairiyah), jadi kalau banyak bisnes bererti banyak kerja yang perlu dilakukan dan segala percakapan lebih-lebih lagi di waktu business meeting adalah straight to the point and pronto-pronto-pronto sahaja. But she takes her own sweet time and you as the viewer will just have to claw yourself to the seat to stop yourself from throwing a hard object to the screen out of frustration.

But there might be several explanations for this kind of speech:
a) Lack of script to fill up the 1.5 hours of movie length. (Itu pun dah ada olahan pada skrip asal ye if you read the credits at the end of the movie)
b) Lack of intelligence for dialog memorizing hence the need to speak slowly so that the lines will come out easier.
c) Percubaan untuk mengetengahkan karektor utama sebagai seorang wanita yang cekal dan tabah serta tenang dalam menghadapi segala situasi. Beliau cukup kuat untuk menangani segala permasalahan walaupun terpaksa melakukannya seorang diri kerana suaminya telah lama meninggal dunia. Case in point: in one scene a group of bad guys tried to hijack their Hummer and kidnap her daughters. Nasib baik ada bodyguard/whackboy. Sebab drebar pun terus pengsan dan-dan tu jugak. Well anyway when she got the phone call from the bodyguard who reported about the terrible incident, all she could say was, ''A.p.a? A.d.a....o.r.a.n.g....n.a.k...c.u.l.i.k.....a.n.a.k....s.a.y.a...?...T.a.p.i...k.e.n.a.p.a....? O.h.h.h.....me.r.e.k.a...t.i.d.a.k...a.p.a-a.p.a...?...B.a.g.u.s.l.a.h....'' Without real expression. if it had been me receiving the news, being the cepat melatah that I am, I would have immediately run around in circles like a headless chicken in panic, lari setempat, kemudian panggil semua orang yang saya kenal dan bergegas ke balai polis berdekatan. Unless, of, course, I got the phone call that threatened the lives of my loved ones if I did so. In that case I'd contact the FBI. Dalam TV semua orang buat macam tu.


2) Anak orang kaya semua pakai seksi:

Dalam bilik, dalam rumah, dalam kereta semasa adegan penculikan, dalam kompleks membeli-belah, di tepi pantai, di majlis keramaian di tepi kolam renang atau di mana sahaja sekalipun, kod pakaiannya adalah spaghetti strap atau tube top atau sleeveless dress. Rasa-rasanya di Monaco pun para wanitanya tidaklah sampai sebegitu. Tapi entahlah saya tak dapat nak confirmkan hal ini kerana saya pun masih belum berjumpa dan bertemu jodoh dengan seorang lelaki kaya yang mempunyai rumah agam atau villa di Monaco untuk saya merasai kehidupan seorang rich and famous socialite.

Tapi masa kelas tuisyen pun nak pakai seksi-meksi tu buat haper? Sebab cikgu tuisyen abang Aaron ye?

3) Abang-abang polis semuanya tak pandai:

In this movie Aaron Aziz is a police officer who actually has to go undercover as a tution teacher to get closer to the Datin and her kids to solve a case. He has to teach secondary school Math to the two daughters. In one scene, he is having his class a) outside at the patio b) using a A3-sized white board (please be reminded they live in a three storey bungalow with probably 15 rooms inside) c) on the board it was only written ''2X2=4''. Eh please la. Kot iye pun boleh tak tulis formula yang panjang sikit? At least Theorem Pythogoras la. Dan para pegawai polis sekarang ni ramai yang sudah mengupgradekan diri. Ramai yang berijazah sarjana muda atau sarjana ok. Dan zaman sekarang ni bukan budak-budak sekolah sudah semakin pandai ke? Sudah belajar First Law of Thermodynamics atau advanced Calculuus sekurang-kurangnya? Ke itu bebudak MFI?

Begitulah sedikit sebanyak. Kalau tak percaya cubalah tonton di Astro First> Lepas tu kita boleh bincang semula.

Eh, aku tengah promote ke ni? Hahaha.

Animal Planet CD

My niece is playing with the Animal Planet CD yang dapat free dalam kotak Koko Krunch on my laptop. And talking to herself.

-Wow! I got the answers right Mak Long. I'm a super genius. I can be a psychopedia.
-Bukan psychopedia Aina. Encyclopedia.
-Oh yes yes yes. Cocopedia.

Mungkin sebab makan Koko Krunch? Pandai macam cocopedia?

NB: By the way the Animal Planet CD is super fun and very educative. There are 3 to collect. We just have one. Two more to go. But we might just OD on KK after that.

Grocery shopping

A couple of days ago I went to a hypermarket for some grocery shopping. I had two lists: one from my mom and another one that is reimbursable so I needed two separate bills. So at the checkout counter I put the things that I could claim for payment first since ada 3-4 barang jer. And I told the cashier that I wanted to pay twice.

"Adik akak bayar barang-barang ni asing. Yang sikit dulu lepas tu baru yang banyak kat belakang tu."

The adik nodded.

"Adik akak nak dua resit ye."

The adik nodded again. And maybe rolled his eyes a bit.

So after scanning the prices for the 3-4 stuffs from the second list, the adik put them all in a plastic bag. I paid him, put the plastic bag into my trolley and started to walk away.

Then I heard the adik shouting:"Akak! Ni barang yang banyak-banyak ni siapa nak bayor?"I had totally forgotten about the things from my mom's grocery list.

Gula, krimer, glo, softlan, roti, telur, minyak, kitchen roll, sosej, nugget, burger, susu, oats semuanya melambak di sebelah adik cashier yang kebingungan.

And as he was scanning the prices, he said, "Sebelum ni kan kak, ada orang pernah lupa henbeg, lupa bawak duit, lupa ambik balik kad kredit. Tapi akak sorang je boleh lupa nak bayar barang."

Oh well.

Girls' day out

Today is girls' day out with my niece. So we went to One Utama for some arts and craft. Even at 11.30am, the basement parking was already quite full. As I was driving around looking for a parking space, I made a remark about this. She replied: "In Aina's world Mak Long there's no problem about parking. All the cars can fly. You should live in my world." Hmm. Maybe I should ask her about the air traffic congestion over at her side. Nak kena bayar tol kat mana? Road tax reduced by how many percent? But that would all have to wait. Because right now little missy's busy doing her angry bird notice board at Get Crafty.