Di kafe Wak Dol

This afternoon for lunch I made sure I took only half a fist of rice. Since I plan on also eating some more rice tonight. Kan semua health guru cakap setiap hari kita boleh makan sengenggam nasi putih sahaja for lunch. Dan segenggam nasi lemak for breakfast. Dan segenggam lagi nasi beriyani for dinner.

OK joke joke.

Well anyway at the cashier the adik yang tengok lauk saya cakap yang saya makan sikit sangat. Saya cakap yang saya nak kurangkan berat badan.

Dia jawab buat apa. Kat kampung dia di mana entah di Indonesia agaknya kalau orang perempuan kurus sangat tak laku. Tak ada orang nak masuk meminang.

Jadi saya pun cakap kat dia oleh yang demikian berdasarkan penaakulan mantik kalau saya pergi ke kampung dia senang la saya cari jodoh.

Dia kata tidak barangkali.

"Sebab Akak tinggi sangat."

OK. Fine.

I might need to go to Finland then. Or Iceland.

Tapi masalahnya kat sana tak ada kicap Habhal. How?

Missed call

I got a missed called from an unknown number early this morning.
So I called back.

• Assalamualaikum. I got a missed call from this number. 
• Waalaikumussalam. Oh ye ek.
• Yes. May I know who this is?
• A Muslim.
• Ok....may I have a name?
• This handphone belongs to A Muslim.
• Sigh. Mine too. Oh! Are you one of my students?
• Yes madame! Ini handphone A Muslim. Ahmad Muslim. Dia tengah drive ni.

*talking in background*

• Madame! Muslim cakap sori. Dia tertekan nombor madame.
• OK.
• Dia cakap hello jugak.
• Ok hello.

Pet talk

A few days ago I met up with a few friends for coffee and a little discussion. One of my friends brought along his elderly uncle.

After the short discussion we chatted a bit and came to the topic of pets. Everybody at the table were animal lovers and each one owned a pet or two so we sort of  ''updated the statuses'' of all the pets.

I told them about mine. The elderly uncle asked what animals I had at home. So I told him that I currently only have two 12 year old cats. I wanted to call them my geriatric babies tapi nasib baik sempat tahan diri sebab nanti takut elderly uncle tu kecik hati dan ingat saya perli dia. Tapi memang betul kucing-kucing saya tu dah tua. So old that when I go to bed at night I will just take either Tina or Momoi to be my hot water bottle because all the do is sleep sleep sleep. And they happily oblige.

The elderly uncle asked me what other pets I used to have. So I told him about Jimmy Snail, my pet siput and Agus our pet turtle. Tapi dua-dua dah tak ada. We kinda miss Agus because even if he was just a turtle and muka takde perasaan but still he seemed happy when anyone got home. Food source home, tummy happy. Bersemangat saya bercerita pasal Agus. Uncle hanya mendengar sambil tersenyum.

So kita pun borak-borak sikit dalam setengah jam. Then the elderly uncle apologized and said he had to leave. And thanked us for keeping him company sambil minum kopi.

When the old man left, I quickly turned to my friend and said, ''Nasib baik aku tak cakap kucing aku geriatric. Kalau tak mesti your uncle will feel offended.''

My friend replied, "Memang la ko tak sebut pasal kucing ko tua. Tapi ko tau tak? Nama uncle aku  tu Agus."

So I got up, went to the corner of the room and kicked myself.

New speakers

Yesterday I had some problems setting up my laptop in class. I had just bought a new set of speakers and was struggling to get any sound come out of them. I restarted, unplugged the cables, plugged them back on, tried again. Still nothing.

Then of the students who were sitting in front offered to help. I explained to him lengthily about my issue and offered some possibilities as to why this might have happened. Faulty speakers, virus infection, media player not functioning properly, jerebu, bad hair day bla bla bla.

He came to my table, looked at the screen, turned up the laptop volume which was on mute, smiled at me, and went back to his seat.

His friend sitting next to him said,"It's OK madame. My mother also like dat. She say donno why, when I check she forget to on something.''

''Ada sekali tu she open fridge but tak tau kenapa.''

...

''Madame pun like dat kan?"

snigger snigger

THE STARE.

''OK OK sorry madame.''

namun gelak kecil masih kedengaran

It runs in the family

• Mak Long saya memang nak sangat masuk sekolah asrama.
• Kenapa?
• Sebab semua orang dalam keluarga kita masuk asrama: Atok, Tok Ayah, Mak Long, Mummy, Daddy, Pak Su, Mak Su.
• So?
• Jadi saya pun nak buktikan yang saya pun boleh berjaya macam semua ahli keluarga.
• Aina...tak semestinya kalau tak masuk asrama tu tak pandai.
• Tapi saya tak nak ketinggalan. Saya pun nak masuk asrama macam orang lain. Saya perlu terus nyalakan OBOR-OBOR tradisi keluarga Mak Long!

Rupanya kami ni keluarga SpongeBob.

Strange encounter of the first time.

Yesterday morning a student came to my office to see me and to explain why he was systematically absent two times in a row.

I anticipated these kind of excuses:

1) Headache.

2) Stomach ache.

3) Terlajak tidoq.

4) Kawan saya tak kejut.

5) My body not delicious.

But no. He told me that he had a motorbike breakdown. Which I knew was a lie since his housemates had already told me that he didn't wake up on time. And didn't want to enter the class late because, menurut kata-kata para pelajar saya, "Nanti mata madame makin lama makin besar. pastu kami rasa macam madame nampak kitaorang besar kecik besar kecik je."

I told him that I knew he was lying. And that if he was absent from my class one more time, he would have to repeat my course again next semester, and that would not be something of a good experience.

The student just kept quiet. Then he looked up at me and say, "Saya janji madame saya tak buat lagi. Saspen jugak saya dengar madame cakap dengan saya slow-slow macam ni. Saya rasa macam dalam citer horror.''

And I sincerely think he had Ju-On in mind. Tapi versi muslimah sikit lah. Dan boleh cakap Perancis.

Jadi sebelum saya bunuh awak setelah menghantui hidup awak buat seketika, saya akan terlebih dahulu beri salam dan ucapkan Bonjour! Kalau awak nak saya nyanyikan lagu Perancis saya akan mainkan lagu Dato' Shake.

D'accord?

Noor Montessori Graduation and Year-End Concert 2014

This is my long overdue post on the Noor Montessori Graduation and Year-End Concert. It was held at the ILKAP Auditorium Hall on the 15th November 2014. The hall is indeed a beautiful one. Well maintained, with good air conditioning, and the holding rooms were well decorated to receive VVIPs.

Well my job that day was to man (woman? Me feeling a little need for politically correct terms) the slides that served as the backdrop. And even after much practising and rehearsing, Murphy's Law reared its ugly head. You know the law that says, ''If something is bound to go wrong, it will?''. In the middle of one of the children's shows, (and it had to be during the most energetic one, the physical activity presentation), the laptop decided to re-start and re-configure itself. The poor children had to wait for a few minutes while we tried to solve the technical glitch. One boy even shouted to his dad from the stage, "Abah api takde ye?''

But apart from the small issue, it turned out to be a beautiful day for the Noor Montessori family. The little Muslims enjoyed themselves tremendously on stage, doing their best to show to their parents what they have been preparing for quite some time. Surah recitatons, fashion show, traditional dances, pantomime, and lots of singing. And of course, the highlight of that day: the Graduation of the 6 year olds!

So all in all it was a mighty enjoyable event! Big hugs to all the hard-working teachers! And to all the lovely parents who came and supported.

Here's a little slideshow on Noor Montessori:

http://slide.ly/view/c2d9a917693348895ac0a8f2c74af1ae?utm_source=Fb_ORG_Share

There are currently 2 Noor Montessori branches:
1) Bandar Baru Bangi
2) Kajang

Registrations are open for 2015. Our school accepts 2-6 year olds (toddlers and preschool). For more information and enquiries please do not hesitate to call the friendly managers:
1) Auntie Shida: 019-915 45 47 (Bandar Baru Bangi)
2) Auntie Ezan: 019-700 01 42 (Kajang)

Au revoir et à bientôt!