Generation gap analysis #1

A few days ago I bumped into a friend and his current mata ayer, hanging on to him for dear life. OK maybe that was not a very neutral description. But please let me try to explain. My friend is 45. She is 23. MLC at the most viral stage.

Well anyway due to the misfortune of this accidental encounter I had to sit down and have coffee with them. And update current events in each other's personal lives. I wanted to tell him to just read my FB status for more info but bit my tongue in time. He wasn't on my list of friends.

Miss Mega Block Busters (seriously, they're huge) was quiet for some time and observed. Sometimes she smiled at me.

Then we started talking about old school rock groups and I mentioned about a mutual friend who just bought a vintage Iron Maiden t-shirt.

To which Miss MBB finally menyampuk and said, "Akak Yati, yang kat channel AFC tu bukan Iron Maid la. Iron Chef. Orang Jepun tu."

Lantas aku hot disebabkan beberapa perkara:
a) Dia panggil aku Akak.
b) Dia menyamakan Iron Maiden dengan Iron Chef.
c) Kenapa dia boleh keliru akan hal ini?
i) She mistook Iron Maiden for Iron Maid.
ii) She thought I was actually referring to the Iron Chef when she thought I said Iron Maid.
iii) She has never heard of Iron Maiden. Her dad might have.

Tapi yang lagi best adalah bila dia terus senyum kepada kawan saya yang sedang dilamun asmara MLC seraya berkata, "Ayang nasib baik baby ada Astro kan?"

I have said this before but I will say this again. For a person like her, if she wants to have a higher IQ, she'd have to stand on a chair.

Dan kalau Iron Chef tu mat rock, kemungkinan besar dia layan Loudness.

Perbualan mengenai negeri

Earlier this week I was at a friend's place and overheard their two daughters' conversation. -Cucuk mata dia! -Tak baik la buat macam tu. Nanti mati masuk melaka. Kalau mati masuk Melaka, bila lapar kita boleh makan Curry Devil. Kalau mengantuk nak tidur kita boleh pergi Bukit Katil. Kemudian di malam minggu pergi jumpa mata air di Padang Temu. Tapi hati-hati. Kalau jalan-jalan pegang tangan di Zoo Melaka tu pandang kiri-kanan. Takut ada Gajah Berang. :-))

Minggu peperiksaan di sekolah

Berpuluh-puluh tahun yang lalu semasa saya bersekolah di Kg Konggo, waktu yang paling digeruni adalah pada waktu peperiksaan. Waktu nombor dua paling digeruni adalah masa terjaga malam untuk buang air kecil. Seram nak berjalan ke tandas di hujung koridor. Jangan main-main hantu kat Kampung Konggo ada banyak buat efek bunyi. Kadang-kadang dia buat bunyi seret selipar, kadang-kadang dia buat bunyi seret rantai besi. Kadang-kadang dia buat bunyi kuda (itu hantu sekolah menengah teknik kat sebelah pagar sekolah kami).

Masa tu konsep toyol masih lagi belum dipraktikkan secara berleluasa, atau saya je yang mungkin terlalu poyo.

Semasa minggu peperiksaan juga, semua pasangan-pasangan romantika de amora yang cinta mereka diduga dan menghampiri keruntuhan akan "put on hold" segala rancangan yang akan membawa kepada tragedi "kasih tak sampai ke penghujung". Alasan yang diberi? "Abang tak boleh la kalau kita break sekarang ni. Nanti takleh konsentret."

Hampeh.

Saya masih ingat lagi ada satu ketika semasa sedang menduduki peperiksaan akhir penggal, kawan saya yang duduk di sebelah saya cuba memanggil saya. Cikgu yang menjaga pulak cikgu yang paling garang. Hati saya berbelah bahagi. Kalau tak layan nanti dia merajuk taknak belanja saya nasi daging kicap lagi. Tapi kalau saya tolong dia dan kena tangkap, menjawab saya nanti.

-Psssttt. Yati! (nada berbisik walapun ada tanda seru)
-Psssttt...
-Apa?
-Ko ada tak?
-Gila ko. Kantoi nanti tak pasal.

-Syyyhhh!!!! Nurhayati!

Errkk. Cikgu sudah bagi amaran pertama.

Beberapa minit kemudian.

-Psstt..
-Apehal ko ni? (Naik juling mata saya. Mata kanan pandang kawan saya. Mata kiri tengok-tengokkan cikgu yang menjaga peperiksaan.)
-Ko ada tak?
-Ader aperrr......
-Minyak cap kapak.

Saya terlupa. Kawan saya yang duduk sebelah saya ni suka hidu minyak cap kapak. Itu mungkin satu alternatif yang lebih sihat dari menghidu gam dan tidak menyalahi undang-undang.

Pengajaran dari cerita ini?
Jangan buruk sangka.

SMS

This morning I received an sms from one of my students that read "Bonjour madame sekarang ada jual2 souvenir ni utk lecturer. Madame nak tak todibear?"

As I was trying to type out my reply to him I got another sms.

"Sori madame tadebear."

Kecik hati madame. Dari todi langsung takde :-)))

Kucing main telefon

A few days ago one of my cats got hold of my hand phone, played with it, and plonked himself right on top of it, his fat tummy covering it and went to sleep. He didn't even budge when the phone rang and vibrated as I tried calling my number. Malah dia cuba menggigit jari saya tatkala percubaan menyeluk tangan ke bawah perutnya dilakukan dalam misi menyelamat telefon bimbit saya.

As a result of Hitam's playfulness, quite a number of my friends called me up to ask why I called them several times. And I had to repeat the same story over and over again.

This morning, as I was getting prepared for work, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number. Usually it would be one of my students.

-Hello?
-Hello? Ini nombor siapa? You ada telefon?
-Sorry, salah nombor.

I couldn't possibly explain to a complete stranger that my black cat sudah buat hal.

-Nanti, nanti. Ini siapa?
-Salah nombor ni. Sorry.
-Ohhh. Adik manisss. Sudah kawin ka?

Damn. How many million handphone users are there in Malaysia? And how many of them are available Malaysian bachelors within the 40-45 year old range? So why is it that my fat cat would have to accidently dial the number of a Bangladeshi then?

Can someone please explain this to me? I'm in the dark.

No pun intended.

The blind date turned deaf and mute

OK here's another weird story. This week will be a week of freakish blog postings. This story is a bit longer than my usual two or three paragraphs of rambling so please bear with me.

A month ago a few of my friends invited me out for dinner, during which they introduced me to a guy and left us to "enjoy" the rest of the evening together. Kira macam blind date la.

The next day this guy told my matchmaking friends that he doesn't want to go on a second date with me anymore because he thinks I am not funny.

Okaayy...

Well anyway a few weeks later the same guy texted me to ask me out. I said no. He insisted. I told him to stop harassing me. He still continued texting me. He even said that I would be lucky if someone would ask me out because quote: "you tu dah tua". Unquote.

I informed my matchmaking friends about this. They dealt with it. A few days later nightmare guy sms-ed me to apologize.

But he still asked me out.

Some of my friends gave me a few tips on how to get rid of Mr Blind Date From Hell.
a) Look for his car and spray paint BACK OFF in pink.
b) Ask him to take you out to the most expensive restaurant and then at the end of the meal tell him you're a lesbian.
c) Go make a police report and get a restraining order.

I didn't do any of the above.

Then a few days ago, I was having a meal with a girlfriend and we were discussing about this ordeal and were weighing the three options when Whoosh! out of nowhere Mr BDFH appeared and walked in front of us. He saw us at our table and headed straight towards us, smiling and saying hello. And asked me out again.

Then my girlfriend unexpectedly pulled me to her, looked at him straight in the eye and told him to back off. "She's my girl.", katanya. And planted one big kiss on my cheek.

Mr BDFH looked at us in disgust, geleng kepala, and left.

His last parting sms informed me that he never wanted to see me again. That I was anyway too tall and not pretty.

Saya pun lepas tu geleng kepala. It felt strange being kissed on a cheek by a 150cm girl who claimed to be my boyfriend.

It almost felt like dating a midget.

The funniest joke on earth

What happens when the person who most probably hates you the most in this whole wide world decides to send a request to be "friends" with you on Facebook?

You stare at the screen for a while, try to figure out the rationale and when you come to realize that there is none, you just laugh your ass off.

Paranoia is an ugly disease. It plays evil tricks on your mind. It can make a person do many stupid things.

I have long moved on. I suggest you do the same.