The world is round

-Mak Long, what do you think we can find on the other side of the world?
-Another country.
-Are you sure? Because it sure seems so far. How can we know?
-Maybe we should ask someone then.
-Yes. We should ask a scientist. An earth scientist. Mana nak cari earth scientist Mak Long?
-At the Pusat Sains Negara?
-Oh goody. We can call them up!
-Aina why don't we just buy a globe and see what they have on the other side of this planet?
-Oh. Boleh ye Mak Long?
-Boleh.
-Jadi tak payah cari earth scientist?
-Nope.
-Sebab susah nak cari ke Mak Long?
-Yes.
-Owh. Ok. Then maybe we can find earth scientists on the other side of the world. *snicker*

Advice from the young at heart

The other day I was chatting with my niece in the car on the way to Pusat Sains Negara (during one of our girl-bonding trips). We talked about everyday life and TV and movies and boys.

She asked me:
-Mak Long do you have a boyfriend?

I answered with another question:
-Why do you ask?

She replied:
-Oh, just asking. Tapi kan Mak Long, kita kena berhati-hati. Kadang-kadang orang lelaki ni nak berkawan dengan kita bukan sebab dia betul-betul ikhlas dengan kita. Kadang-kadang dia nak kawan dengan kita sebab dia nak main-mainkan kita. Susah tau Mak Long nak cari lelaki yang baik hati ni.

What? This kind of advice coming from an 8 year old?

So I asked her:
-Aina has someone been talking to you about this at school?

-Tak de lah. Tengok drama dengan Atuk. Cinta Elysa.

And Mak Long had to google it to know more because Mak Long is the biggest kayu besar when it comes to drama bersiri tempatan. Mahupun sinetron.

Detox

For the past three weeks I have been experiencing major acne break-outs and this has led to enduring tasteless jokes like "Ini jerawat gatal nak kawin ni" or "Meh aku tolong ubatkan" which in turn has stressed me up even more, resulting in more acne.

Then it dawned upon me that well, maybe a two-week detox programme might not be a bad idea after all since some skin problems are sometimes symptomatic of bad indigestion or over build-up of toxins in your body. Clean colons, clean organs, clean skin, clean well-being. So I tried googling to find out more and discovered some pretty interesting facts about detoxifying your body. Like, for example, a good detox not only cleanses the colon and removes toxins and chemicals from the vital organs, it also helps eliminate candida yeast naturally, balances the ph in your body AND re-introduce good flora back into your intestinal track. AHAH! I bet you didn't know that part, did you? Been feeling bloated and constipated lately? It's those damn evil flora in your tummy. Berjimba mereka beramai-ramai.

And I also googled to find out what I should avoid eating while on this regime. Here is the list of what to exclude from your detox diet:

Dairy Products and Eggs

Eggs and all dairy products are avoided, including:

• milk
• cheese
• cottage cheese
• sour cream
• yogurt and kefir
• butter
• ice cream and frozen yogurt

Wheat

Wheat and products containing wheat, such as pasta and bread.

Sweeteners

• refined sugar
• any white sugar
• any brown sugar
• high-fructose corn syrup
• evaporated cane juice
• artificial sweeteners

Gluten

All gluten-containing grains, including wheat, barley, rye, spelt, triticale, kamut, couscous, bran, and farina

Soy

• tofu
• soy milk
• soy yogurt
• soy sauce
• soy protein powder
• tempeh

Coffee and Caffeinated Beverages

• Coffee
• Tea
• Soft drinks

Animal Products

• beef
• pork
• veal
• sausages and hot dogs
• deli meats and cold cuts
• shellfish

Condiments

• ketchup
• relish
• soy sauce
• teriyaki sauce
• non-dairy creamers
• barbeque or steak sauce
• salad dressings not made with allowed ingredients
• mayonnaise
• spreads not made with the allowed ingredients
• similar condiments

Other Foods to Avoid

• yeast
• alcohol
• food additives and preservatives
• high-fat foods
• corn
• shortening
• margarine
• canned coconut milk

So, in short, for two weeks, I shall be surviving on breathing air and togok air suam. To my close friends and family, do sms or check in on me from time to time. I'm sure you'd find me easily, hanging on to some piece of furniture like a wasteful gelatinous sea creature, waiting patiently to be detoxified and be rid of all the warts and scars.

N/B: This woeful self-pitying episode starts next week lah of course. Minggu ni kena binge dulu.

Barred from exam

A few minutes ago I got an sms from an unknown number so I straight away assumed that it was sent by one of my students. It read: ''Good evening madam. Betul ke saya kena bar dari exam? Tolong la madam saya tak boleh fail lagi. Saya ada masalah keluarga. Sem ni saya kena tumpang moto member. Tu yang selalu tak datang. Tolong la madam. Boleh tak unbar saya?''

So I replied by asking this person which class he or she was from. ''Saya dari kelas mass com madam.''

I then told him/her that she got the wrong madam. From the wrong university.

He/She replied, ''Oh. Sori madam. Btw madam ada tak nombor tipon madam yg ajar mass com tu?''

Memang patut pun kena bar budak ni. Blur pada tahap kemolaran yang paling maksimum.

Multitasking

Just now I sms-ed a person, Mr N, to tell him about an advertisement for a house that he put up for rent here in Bangi that I was interested in. He replied saying that he wants to set an appointment for me and his wife to see the house tomorrow afternoon. I agreed. Then I typed out another sms to another friend asking about where she stayed during her trip to Paris, as another friend of mine was looking for a decent place to stay for his trip there soon. And at the same time I had students coming in to see me for their slide presentations. And my boss called to ask about a training proposal. Semua di waktu yang sama. Multitasking was never my forte but nevertheless things straightened out.

Or so I thought.

Because five minutes later, I received another sms from Mr N, asking me,
"You ni nak tengok rumah sewa ke nak ajak I pergi Paris?"

Sigh.

Cerita orang jahat

A few days ago I was watching a crime show with my niece on the telly. Ini jenis cerita yang ada bunuh-bunuh dan kejar-mengejar naik kereta. Not a good show to watch with a kid actually but we were zapping when we saw this scene in which the murderer tried to kill the victim in his cab. My niece was so engrossed watching the babak separa seram.

-Eeeee Mak Long takutnya! Orang jahat tu pemandu teksi ye? Dia nak bunuh perempuan tu?
-Yup looks like it.
-This is so scary Mak Long!
-Relax Aina it's just a TV show. Ini semua make-believe.

My niece got a little confused so I tried to explain to her.

-Ini kan semuanya lakonan. Apa nak takut. Ada cameraman, ada director...
-Oh...dalam teksi tu ada cameraman sekali?
-Yup! To shoot the scene!
-OWH. He's so lucky then! He didn't get killed by the orang jahat!

Then it was Mak Long's turn to get confused.

Cashier

Yesterday I went to do the groceries at a hypermarket in Kota Damansara. While at the cashier waiting to pay, I saw the boy two lanes away trying to call the cashier at mine. But the young girl was too busy scanning and packing the things to notice.

-Kak Zu! Kak Zu!, he called out.

So I said to her, "Cik Zu, cashier tu panggil awak."

She looked at me with big round eyes, stopped working for a while and then asked me, "Macamana akak boleh tau nama saya? Ini mesti sebab akak dah selalu datang sini kan? Wah bagus la akak cepat ingat nama orang."

I just smiled. It's a great feeling when people think you know everything when actually in reality you know crap. The feeling lasted just for a while, but it felt good nonetheless. :-)))