Aunty tinggi

Amir: Tingginya Aunty! Berapa umur Aunty?
Aunty Yati: 143 tahun.
Amir: Ohhh patut la. Dah tua!

Tajuk karangan

🌸 Mak Long boleh tak bagi idea untuk tajuk karangan? Aina nak tulis pasal model.
🌻 Boleh boleh. Err..."Peragawati yang terkenal"?
🌸 Mmmmm...no.
🌻 "Aku seorang top model"?
🌸 Mmmmm...tak best lah.
🌻 "Hidupku di catwalk"? "Glamor seorang peragawati"? "Kembara peragawati pekan kecil"?
🌸 Alaaaa...tak berapa kena. Tak pe lah Aina tulis karangan "Sekolah Berhantu".

Grrrrrrrrr.

Taklimat Pendaftaran Tingkatan 1

Today is my niece's registration for Form 1 at her new school. From 8-30am-10.30am all the parents are seated in the Hall to listen to 4 taklimats: from the HM, the penolong kanan HEA, the penolong kanan HEP and the penolong kanan for the afternoon session.

Halfway through the second taklimat, my mind started wandering. The Hal Ehwal Akademik teacher was explaining about sistem PBS, KBAT, Nilam, PT3, pentaksiran sumatif/formatif etc etc etc. His voice started to sound more and more distant. My eyes started to lose focus and my head started to bobble right and left as sleep took over.

Then the lady seated on my left tapped me on the shoulder and asked softly: "Cikgu tu dok cakap pasal Lembaga Peperiksaan. Lembaga Peperiksaan apa?"

I told her, "Hantu Peperiksaan tu."

She stared at me for at least 15 seconds and smiled.

"You ngantuk eh. Bertabahlah ye ada 2 taklimat lagi."

Ya! Bertabah! And my glassy eyes started to focus on the slides again.

Selamba je

🔸Itu la Madame, susah sekarang nak apply buat practical kat company-company sekarang. Banyak yang dah tak terima.
🔹Ye la kan? Tapi awak jangan putus asa. Kena hantar lagi resume ke syarikat-syarikat lain.
🔸Saya dah hantar banyak sangat. Tak takde jawapan lagi. Ada member saya sorang tu rilek-rilek. Selamba je.
🔹Ha awak jangan pulak ikut dia.
🔸Nak ikut macamana saya apply tak dapat.
🔹Awak cakap dia selamba je. Nanti leklu-leklu sangat kang apa pun tak dapat.
🔸Madame! Kan saya cakap...dia tu selamba je.
🔹So that's not a good thing!
🔸Haih. Schlumberger Madame. Schlumberger.
🔹Oh! Heheheh. Ok.

Bubbles

My niece and I were in our room hanging out together but doing separate things. I was reading a book and she was having one of her role-playing moments with her toy Minions.

Sometimes hanging out just means being physically in the same room together.

Anyway I overheard her Minions' conversation.

Minion 1: Oh Grand Master I have prepared your jacuzzi for you. Just as you like it.

Minion 2: Good good. I hope you remember how I like my jacuzzi to be.

Minion 1: Yes Master. Without any water.

Jadi saya pun tanya la dia, kenapa jacuzzi tak ada air? Macamana nak rasa bubbles dia?

Dia jawab: "Oh you can just imagine the bubbles Mak Long."

I told her that no bubbles meant no fun then.

Then she replied: "Mak Long you don't need bubbles to be happy. It's all in the mind."

And I was like, betul jugak kan. Agak deep tu maksudnya.

...."And any way Mak Long, the Grand Master doesn't need water and bubbles for his jacuzzi. He's the INVISIBLE Grand Minion.''

Ohhhh apesal tak cakap awal-awal. Now it makes perfect sense.

Kad Terup

Mak Long: What are you doing with my handphone?
Aina: Main game.
Mak Long: Game apa tu?
Aina: Game kad terup.
Mak Long: I never have any card games in my phone.
Aina: Ada. Mak Long yang download.
Mak Long: Aina jangan tipu Mak Long tau.
Aina: Haih. Tak tipu la Mak Long. Game Cut The Rope. Cut. The. Rope.
Mak Long: Owh. *sengih*

Badang tak jadi

A few days ago my cat Momoi threw up the tuna and prawn broth he had for breakfast. And the most disgusting thing was that he sniffed his vomit and started licking it back.

I waited a while to look for any Badang effect tapi taka ada pun so I just shooed him away.

I told this to my vet when I brought Tina for her sub-cutaneous drip. Well apparently according to the vet, it is actually quite normal for a cat or dog to do so. For them regurgitated food is still good food. Then she went on to tell me about how her dogs would sometimes eat each other's vomit and I told her another story in which my cats would be so penggeli and refused to look at their poop after they do their business and my vet agreed and told me another dog story about how dogs would sometimes even eat cat poop. All this crap talk while waiting for Tina to be done with her drip.

When I was about to leave the consultation room Dr June said to me, "Do you realize that we were actually trying to outdo each other with vomit and poop stories?"

Outside, I said hello to another client who asked me what was wrong with Tina.

"Dr June and you looked so serious while you two were discussing just now."

Padahal cerita muntah dan poo-poo.