Tudung

Minggu lepas saya beli beberapa helai tudung syria. Kalau beli 5 dapat harga promosi. Jadi saya pakat-pakat dengan seorang kawan. Untuk mendapatkan harga promosi tersebut, dia beli 1 saya beli 4. Bayar sekali.

Masa balik saya seludup masuk tudung-tudung tersebut secara senyap ke dalam rumah. Saya sorokkannya di "tempat special". Plan saya adalah mengeluarkan tudung-tudung dari tempat persembunyian setiap minggu satu.

The next day when I came home from work my Mom said to me: "Along tudung-tudung yang Along sorokkan tu Mama dah lipat simpan dalam almari.

Haih.

a) All mothers have built in lie/hanky-panky detectors.
b) Even at my age, I'm still trying to hide my shopping loot from my Mom.
c) Saya saspek Momoi yang bagitau mak saya lokasi "tempat special". Saya saspek je la. Tiada bukti kukuh.

Shooting star

- Mak Long look! A shooting star! Cantik kan tahi bintang ni?
- Eh? Jadi najis la kan? Sebab panggil tahi bintang?

*a moment of reflection*

- Yeah you're right Mak Long. Then we shouldn't be calling it a shooting star. We should be calling it a pooping star!

💩⭐️

Aunty tinggi

Amir: Tingginya Aunty! Berapa umur Aunty?
Aunty Yati: 143 tahun.
Amir: Ohhh patut la. Dah tua!

Tajuk karangan

🌸 Mak Long boleh tak bagi idea untuk tajuk karangan? Aina nak tulis pasal model.
🌻 Boleh boleh. Err..."Peragawati yang terkenal"?
🌸 Mmmmm...no.
🌻 "Aku seorang top model"?
🌸 Mmmmm...tak best lah.
🌻 "Hidupku di catwalk"? "Glamor seorang peragawati"? "Kembara peragawati pekan kecil"?
🌸 Alaaaa...tak berapa kena. Tak pe lah Aina tulis karangan "Sekolah Berhantu".

Grrrrrrrrr.

Taklimat Pendaftaran Tingkatan 1

Today is my niece's registration for Form 1 at her new school. From 8-30am-10.30am all the parents are seated in the Hall to listen to 4 taklimats: from the HM, the penolong kanan HEA, the penolong kanan HEP and the penolong kanan for the afternoon session.

Halfway through the second taklimat, my mind started wandering. The Hal Ehwal Akademik teacher was explaining about sistem PBS, KBAT, Nilam, PT3, pentaksiran sumatif/formatif etc etc etc. His voice started to sound more and more distant. My eyes started to lose focus and my head started to bobble right and left as sleep took over.

Then the lady seated on my left tapped me on the shoulder and asked softly: "Cikgu tu dok cakap pasal Lembaga Peperiksaan. Lembaga Peperiksaan apa?"

I told her, "Hantu Peperiksaan tu."

She stared at me for at least 15 seconds and smiled.

"You ngantuk eh. Bertabahlah ye ada 2 taklimat lagi."

Ya! Bertabah! And my glassy eyes started to focus on the slides again.

Selamba je

🔸Itu la Madame, susah sekarang nak apply buat practical kat company-company sekarang. Banyak yang dah tak terima.
🔹Ye la kan? Tapi awak jangan putus asa. Kena hantar lagi resume ke syarikat-syarikat lain.
🔸Saya dah hantar banyak sangat. Tak takde jawapan lagi. Ada member saya sorang tu rilek-rilek. Selamba je.
🔹Ha awak jangan pulak ikut dia.
🔸Nak ikut macamana saya apply tak dapat.
🔹Awak cakap dia selamba je. Nanti leklu-leklu sangat kang apa pun tak dapat.
🔸Madame! Kan saya cakap...dia tu selamba je.
🔹So that's not a good thing!
🔸Haih. Schlumberger Madame. Schlumberger.
🔹Oh! Heheheh. Ok.

Bubbles

My niece and I were in our room hanging out together but doing separate things. I was reading a book and she was having one of her role-playing moments with her toy Minions.

Sometimes hanging out just means being physically in the same room together.

Anyway I overheard her Minions' conversation.

Minion 1: Oh Grand Master I have prepared your jacuzzi for you. Just as you like it.

Minion 2: Good good. I hope you remember how I like my jacuzzi to be.

Minion 1: Yes Master. Without any water.

Jadi saya pun tanya la dia, kenapa jacuzzi tak ada air? Macamana nak rasa bubbles dia?

Dia jawab: "Oh you can just imagine the bubbles Mak Long."

I told her that no bubbles meant no fun then.

Then she replied: "Mak Long you don't need bubbles to be happy. It's all in the mind."

And I was like, betul jugak kan. Agak deep tu maksudnya.

...."And any way Mak Long, the Grand Master doesn't need water and bubbles for his jacuzzi. He's the INVISIBLE Grand Minion.''

Ohhhh apesal tak cakap awal-awal. Now it makes perfect sense.