Barred from exam

A few minutes ago I got an sms from an unknown number so I straight away assumed that it was sent by one of my students. It read: ''Good evening madam. Betul ke saya kena bar dari exam? Tolong la madam saya tak boleh fail lagi. Saya ada masalah keluarga. Sem ni saya kena tumpang moto member. Tu yang selalu tak datang. Tolong la madam. Boleh tak unbar saya?''

So I replied by asking this person which class he or she was from. ''Saya dari kelas mass com madam.''

I then told him/her that she got the wrong madam. From the wrong university.

He/She replied, ''Oh. Sori madam. Btw madam ada tak nombor tipon madam yg ajar mass com tu?''

Memang patut pun kena bar budak ni. Blur pada tahap kemolaran yang paling maksimum.

Multitasking

Just now I sms-ed a person, Mr N, to tell him about an advertisement for a house that he put up for rent here in Bangi that I was interested in. He replied saying that he wants to set an appointment for me and his wife to see the house tomorrow afternoon. I agreed. Then I typed out another sms to another friend asking about where she stayed during her trip to Paris, as another friend of mine was looking for a decent place to stay for his trip there soon. And at the same time I had students coming in to see me for their slide presentations. And my boss called to ask about a training proposal. Semua di waktu yang sama. Multitasking was never my forte but nevertheless things straightened out.

Or so I thought.

Because five minutes later, I received another sms from Mr N, asking me,
"You ni nak tengok rumah sewa ke nak ajak I pergi Paris?"

Sigh.

Cerita orang jahat

A few days ago I was watching a crime show with my niece on the telly. Ini jenis cerita yang ada bunuh-bunuh dan kejar-mengejar naik kereta. Not a good show to watch with a kid actually but we were zapping when we saw this scene in which the murderer tried to kill the victim in his cab. My niece was so engrossed watching the babak separa seram.

-Eeeee Mak Long takutnya! Orang jahat tu pemandu teksi ye? Dia nak bunuh perempuan tu?
-Yup looks like it.
-This is so scary Mak Long!
-Relax Aina it's just a TV show. Ini semua make-believe.

My niece got a little confused so I tried to explain to her.

-Ini kan semuanya lakonan. Apa nak takut. Ada cameraman, ada director...
-Oh...dalam teksi tu ada cameraman sekali?
-Yup! To shoot the scene!
-OWH. He's so lucky then! He didn't get killed by the orang jahat!

Then it was Mak Long's turn to get confused.

Cashier

Yesterday I went to do the groceries at a hypermarket in Kota Damansara. While at the cashier waiting to pay, I saw the boy two lanes away trying to call the cashier at mine. But the young girl was too busy scanning and packing the things to notice.

-Kak Zu! Kak Zu!, he called out.

So I said to her, "Cik Zu, cashier tu panggil awak."

She looked at me with big round eyes, stopped working for a while and then asked me, "Macamana akak boleh tau nama saya? Ini mesti sebab akak dah selalu datang sini kan? Wah bagus la akak cepat ingat nama orang."

I just smiled. It's a great feeling when people think you know everything when actually in reality you know crap. The feeling lasted just for a while, but it felt good nonetheless. :-)))

Backhanded compliments

A backhanded compliment, also known as a left handed compliment is an insult that is disguised as a compliment. It takes a fairly good amount of wit, sarcasm and disdain to give a really good one.

It is what might at first sound like a compliment but could or should really be taken as an insult when considered in its entirety. Sometimes a backhanded compliment may be completely inadvertent, especially when given to you by an innocent 8 year old girl.

-Mak Long, at first I wanted to grow up to be a teacher like you. You know everything. But then now I think I want to be a doctor. And help Tok Ayah who is not well. And get lots of money.
-Oh okay that's good.
-But for a teacher, you sure can buy things for the family. (backhanded compliment #1)
-Well I try my best Aina. We must always remember our family and help them whenever we can.
-Yeah I know. That's why I want to become a doctor. But you need to be clever and hard-working to be a doctor.

Then she looked at me for a while.

-But you know what Mak Long? Don't worry. You sure are smart for a teacher. (backhanded compliment of the year)

That was by far the best one I've received so far this year. Short, sweet and aims directly at your jugular veins. :-)

The big Q

Just now at the canteen I greeted some fellow colleagues who were having their meal. We chatted amicably and somehow the topic of marriage cropped up. And one of them looked at me and asked me the Q: "Tie bila ko nak kawin Tie? Umur dah semakin meningkat."

And I braced myself for the onslaught of cheap jokes to come.

"Alaa Tie, kalo ko tak kisah, aku pun ada..."
"Ko jangan memilih sangat...ko kena ingat...umur ko tu dah berapa..."
"Nanti expired nanti..."
"Alaaa tak kisah la pendek pun bila baring tu sama je..."

Sigh. Do I have to go through this over and over again?

When the father of Imam Shafi'i (ra) was asked about how he brought up his son to be such an exceptionally gifted man, superior in knowledge and critical thinking, his answer was plain and simple. He looked for the right woman to be the mother of their child.

Oleh yang demikian tuan-tuan dan puan-puan sekiranya saya menggunakan teori penaakulan mantik, bolehkah saya katakan yang saya juga ingin mencari seorang lelaki yang sesuai untuk menjadi bapa kepada anak saya sekiranya diizinkan Tuhan untuk kami mendapat rezeki anak. And not just simply grab one blindfold?

I know it's a long shot, I know it would be a miracle and I know my eggs are drying up fast. But I'm still hoping for that to happen.

Apologies

Last Saturday I had the opportunity of attending a majlis ilmu in which one of the panel members was a young ustaz from KUIS and who is also a penceramah on TV Al-Hijrah. He spoke eloquently, with great knowledge on the subject matter, reciting verses from the Holy Quran effortlessly (being a Hafiz) and uses current and up-to-date analogies that are relevant and that the young people can relate to. Interspersed with a good sense of humor and done with great delivery of speech plus having a good command of both Bahasa Melayu and English, suffice to say I am now officially in love with Ustaz Don Daniyal. Plus he is a hottie. What a guy. He is an inspiration to the youth of today.

Well anyway he mentioned that "tidak masuk syurga sesiapa yang sengaja memotong tali persaudaraan samada keluarga mahupun sahabat dan hendaklah sentiasa memaafi kerana sikap memaafkan itu sesuatu yang dituntut dan ia menzahirkan kekuatan karektor seseorang muslim." Oleh yang demikian I would like to apologize to the person I dissed in my previous blog posting. Peace love and no war. I will try to refrain myself from saying anything untoward about anybody in the future (I am biting the insides of my cheeks so hard as I am typing this I think it's bleeding now).

So to this particular person I am so sorry. 0-0 ek. Teringat pulak saya pada Ustazah Maskurah cikgu Pengetahuan Agama Islam saya semasa saya bersekolah di sebuah sekolah menengah berasrama penuh di Kampung Kongo dulu. Dia pernah mengajar kami sebuah hadis yang membawa maksud "Janganlah kamu benci-membenci dan janganlah kamu dengki-mendengki dan janganlah kamu khianat-mengkhianati..."I am forever in debt with her for imparting her wisdom to us and to help me score an A for this subject during SPM. Garang wo ustazah ni sebelum dia masuk kelas kami semua menggelabah baca balik dan ulangkaji. Sekarang kata-katanya terngiang-ngiang di telinga saya. Orang Jawa kata "ringing in my ears". Orang Jawa la kata macam tu. Orang Melayu kata macam lain.

Ok last kopek a thousand apologies and sorry for the nasty words.

But if you mess with me again I will still kick your big fat butt.

Heheheh. And apologize later. :-)))

Have a nice day everyone! :-)))