Yesterday morning a student came to my office to see me and to explain why he was systematically absent two times in a row.
I anticipated these kind of excuses:
1) Headache.
2) Stomach ache.
3) Terlajak tidoq.
4) Kawan saya tak kejut.
5) My body not delicious.
But no. He told me that he had a motorbike breakdown. Which I knew was a lie since his housemates had already told me that he didn't wake up on time. And didn't want to enter the class late because, menurut kata-kata para pelajar saya, "Nanti mata madame makin lama makin besar. pastu kami rasa macam madame nampak kitaorang besar kecik besar kecik je."
I told him that I knew he was lying. And that if he was absent from my class one more time, he would have to repeat my course again next semester, and that would not be something of a good experience.
The student just kept quiet. Then he looked up at me and say, "Saya janji madame saya tak buat lagi. Saspen jugak saya dengar madame cakap dengan saya slow-slow macam ni. Saya rasa macam dalam citer horror.''
And I sincerely think he had Ju-On in mind. Tapi versi muslimah sikit lah. Dan boleh cakap Perancis.
Jadi sebelum saya bunuh awak setelah menghantui hidup awak buat seketika, saya akan terlebih dahulu beri salam dan ucapkan Bonjour! Kalau awak nak saya nyanyikan lagu Perancis saya akan mainkan lagu Dato' Shake.
D'accord?
