Friday, May 18, 2012

Perbualan bersama makcik cleaner di MFI

Pagi tadi saya terserempak dengan seorang makcik cleaner di dalam tandas. Sementara saya sedang mencuci mug saya, dia berdiri di sebelah untuk berbual sambil melakukan aktiviti perisikan.

-Good morning cikgu!
-Good morning auntie!
-Itu semalam siapa tu cikgu? Yang keluar makan dengan cikgu?
-Ohhh...itu bekas anak murid saya. 
-Wo. Saya ingat kawan. Cikgu belum kalianam lagi ka?
-Belum la auntie. Tak ada lelaki mau kalianam sama saya. Tak mau keluar sama saya. Saya banyak tinggi la auntie.
-Wo. Itu macam ka. Itu tada berani punya worang.
-Ye la auntie. Orang putih kata no guts.
-Apa itu gut? Itu potong juga ka?
-Itu cut la auntie. Ini guts. Guts. Tada berani.
-Wo...itu tada tulurrr punya worang la cikgu!

So:
No guts=tada tulurr

Those are the wise words of our auntie cleaner at MFI.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A little poem for you my students



Yati the Paranoid Teacher

I am Yati the Paranoid Teacher
Who's always the tallest one ever
Students look at me
Their eyes fill with glee
And ask "Oh Madame! How's the weather?"

They come to me when I say shoo!
To speak a word of French or two
They greet me "Bonjour!"
"Madame how are you?"
"Are you taller than the ostrich in the zoo?"

The naughty intent in the greeting
Got me lil mushy brains a-thinking
Their stomach will curl
Into a knot as they hurl,
"Madame! Spit out the one you are eating!"


Heheheh no laaaa...you know I love all of you...my students are my constant source of amusement and wonder!

Anyway Happy Teacher's Day to all you educators out there!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Introduction to dance

The other day I hung out with my niece in the bedroom. We talked about stuff and the subject of dance came up. I told her I was going to a Zumba fitness workshop. Dia tanya apa tu? Mak Long cakap itu gabungan bermacam-macam jenis tarian latin. Oooo dia jawab. Latin tu apa Mak Long?

Maka bermulalah Introduction to Latin dance 101.

Then she told me she too liked to dance. She asked me to look away while she prepared her dance steps to show me. Selepas beberapa minit dia pun mempersembahkan sebuah tarian yang tidak dapat saya kenalpasti asal-usulnya dan dari genre apa kerana ia agak...pelik. Jadi saya tanya dia.

-Aina ini apa jenis joget ni? Takde muzik pun?
-Oh tak payah pakai muzik Mak Long. Nari je.
-Ohhh. What is it called?
-A chess dance.
-You mean a jazz dance?
-No. A chess dance.
-Tarian apa tu?
-Oh you dance the chess dance when your friend is playing chess. Untuk sokong dia. But you have to keep quiet when they play chess. So that's why there is no music.

Mak Long melopong.

-Ooohhhh. In that case we should have a Snake and Ladder dance as well. Untuk sokong kawan-kawan kita yang tengah main Snake and Ladder. Haaa yang ini boleh ada muzik sebab tak payah senyap-senyap!

-Tsk tsk tsk...(budak bertuah ni men-tsk tsk-kan aku)...of course I won't be doing the Snake and Ladder dance. I'd be too busy playing the game! So YOU have to do the dance to cheer me on!

Dang. Mana pulak aku nak cari snake suit ni. Dan cari pemain seruling juga. Any ideas?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Terlambat bangun pagi

Pagi tadi saya terjaga lambat. Saya terlupa untuk memasang jam loceng seperti kebiasaan yang dilakukan. Pulaknya saya perlu menjaga peperiksaan pada pukul 9 pagi. Maka kecohlah saya bersiap-siap. Sampai tidak sempat bersarapan.

Di dalam kereta semasa memandu pun begitu juga. Entah kenapa perasaan gabra itu masih terasa.

Sedang saya sibuk membetulkan cermin kereta telefon bimbit saya terjatuh.

Sedang saya memandu itu jenuh meraba-raba lantai kereta. Setelah melepasi tol Kerinchi Link menuju ke Kuala Lumpur barulah kejumpaan.

Sedang saya menyusuri jalan turun ke Lebuhraya Persekutuan pula ternampak seorang abang polis sedang berdiri di tepi jalan.

Sedang dia berdiri memerhati kereta saya itulah dia ternampak saya memegang telefon bimbit saya.

Maka saya pun ditahan.

"Cik, masa memandu tak boleh pakai handphone."

Alamaaaakkk...cepat la...dah lambat ni...(kata saya di dalam hati; nak cakap kuat-kuat tak berani)

"Saya tak pakai. Saya pegang je."
"Mana ada orang bawak kereta pegang handphone. Mestilah nak pakai."

Ohhh tidaaakkk...perlukah abang polis ini beraksi diva di hadapanku di saat-saat genting ini!
Saya stres tahap gaban.

"Alah encik tu bawak pistol tapi ada ke bunuh orang tiap-tiap hari?"

Dia tenung saya dekat-dekat. Saya tengok bebola mata dia macam bebola api. Penuh berurat merah. Saya sedikit cemas. Sebab sangat tersembul. Kalau saya hulurkan tangan keluar tingkap kereta dan tepuk  tengkuknya sekali-dua pasti bebola matanya akan tercampak keluar dari soket. Betul.

"Cuba Cik tengok betul-betul. Saya ada pistol ke tak?"

Oh là là. Macam salah je ayat tu. Tapi saya jeling jugak. Nanti kalau ingkar arahan pun boleh masuk lokap jugak kot.

DEYYEM. Abang polis tu takde sepetol!!

Apa barang abang polis naik moto besar takde pistol ni. Seperti jedi knight yang kehilangan light saber nya. Bukankah setiap seorang memiliki sepucuk? Kenapa masa saya ditahan masa itulah sepetolnya menghilangkan diri?

Kenapa? Konspirasi? Komplot? Kealpaan?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Past years' questions

This morning I received an sms asking about past year questions. The conversation is as follows:

-Bonjour madame. Can you give me old questions for French?
-You can consult the past years' questions at the resource centre.
-Merci madame. I afraid I get badder marks than my test.
-The comparative for bad is not badder.
-Nak buat apa compare madame?
-Ok. Example: the comparative for big is bigger.
-Oh. Jadi better la ye madame?
-No.

...a few minutes later I received the last sms...

"Takkan bagger kot madame?"

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Talking

The other day I was watching the telly when my niece came and sat beside me. After a while she started talking to herself, obviously engrossed in some play-acting. I think she was in a hospital, playing the role of a doctor tending to her patients, because I heard words like "doctor", "headache" and "cucuk". Naya sungguh pi hospital ni. Sakit kepala sikit dah nak kena injek.

And she went on talking and talking and talking. Well one thing I need to tell you guys about my niece is that she is blessed with the gift of the gab. Give her any topic and she can yak for hours. And when she's in her fantasy world, she takes play-acting to another level. Misalan kata la kan, kalau dia berangan jadi cikgu sekolah, she'll make sure she acts out her pupil in another voice. And sometimes in another language. Like the other day I was eavesdropping on her conversation with one of her "pupils", I was surprised to discover that she asked a question in English but her pupil replied in Malay. When I asked her why, she told me that the teacher didn't speak Malay because she came from England. Ambik kau.

Well anyway back to the story. So she was talking to her patient and I interrupted her, asking why she was talking to herself. She said no. I said yes. There was nobody else around us talking to her.

Then she turned to me and said, "Mak Long, I'm not talking to myself. I'm talking to my imaginary friends in my head. If there was nobody in my head while I'm talking, now THAT would be crazy."

Nah. Ambik kau. Sekali lagi.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Macam pernah ku dengar...tapi bila ye?

My mom said I was a very shy girl as a kid. It was (and still is) difficult for me to express certain feelings. Or be direct. Kalau nak sesuatu tu mesti kena konar-konar sikit and my parents would have to conclude themselves what it was that I wanted.

For example:
1) "Hari Ahad zoo bukak tak Ma?" (read: I want to go to the zoo)
2) (as my dad drove past A&W Taman Jaya) "Along lapar la Ma." (read: I want to eat at A&W)
3) "Bestnya kalau dapat tengok binatang batu tu kan Pa?" (read: I want to go to Mimaland)

So yesterday I went to One Utama with my niece untuk menghiburkan hatinya. And take her to Get Crafty for her art n craft fix. After that we had lunch and went to MPH to read and buy some books. Then I suggested we go home since we had done basically everything that we had planned to do.

"Are we going home now?"
"Yes. Kan dah pegi Get Crafty, dah makan, dah beli buku?"
"Aina haus la Mak Long."
"OK nanti sampai rumah kita minum air suam."
"But I'm thirsty now."
*Sigh* "OK. Jom kita pegi beli air mineral botol kecik tu."

Sambil berjalan-jalan mencari kedai yang menjual air mineral...

"Mak Long! Mak Long!"
"Yes?"
"Kita pergi minum air suam kat tempat yang ada jual aiskrim k?"

Hmm...HMMMM.....

P/S: For those of you who are too young to have experienced the joys and excitement of running around in Mimaland, silalah Google Map kot-kot ada lagi.