PYT

Yesterday on the way home from Bangi I stopped by a petrol station. And as fate would have had it, a familiar looking car stopped at the pump beside mine and out came this guy who I know very well since I used to date him. And a few seconds after that out came a young girl, who I shall refer to as PYT (Pretty Young Thing dan bukan kedai emas Poh Yik Thye). The guy I used to date (TGIUTD) saw me and naturally we said hi to each other and talked nonsense. What else is there to talk about when you have crossed out love/future plans/marriage/being together/weekend lepaks/common activities that all amounts to zero time spent together? Nothing.

PYT didn't like seeing him talking to another woman. So before you could finish saying TGIUTD she was stuck to his side like annoying Uhu. And she uttered the four words yang bila keluar sahaja dari mulutnya aku rasa macam ada volcano erupting in slo mo di depan mata.

"Siapa perempuan tinggi ni Yang?"
Ok sorry. Five words.

A tomcat will pee at the four corners of the house to mark his territory. A PYT who is unsure of her opponent right in front of her will try to ignore the existence of the latter through the use of the third person singular. And then claim her right on the man by clinging on to his neck and talking in a girly voice with maximum pout effect. Aku pun boleh la kalau nak buat macam tu. Cuma masalahnya nanti orang akan panggil polis. Itu je. Sebab nampak mencuakkan.

Namun saya akur dengan kebesaran Tuhan apabila berhadapan dengan PYT. God shows us His miracles in many little ways. When I look at her I say to myself, "Wah! Papan plywood pun boleh berkata-kata."

Oh come on. We want a full D or E. Not some pre-pubescent training Bee Dees. And As and Bs are only good for exams honey.

Muahaha.

N/B: The writer has since taken her medication and is now in stable condition and is able to control her neurotic behavior. The voices in her head have also quietened down.

Save Mother Nature

Last Saturday I went to Hulu Langat to join some students from SMSS (sebuah sekolah berasrama di Kg Kongo) for a "Save Mother Nature" project. The students cleaned up an area surrounding Sg Tekala and went into the river too; to collect rubbish and then mandi sungai. Everybody was happy. My senior who organized this event works in Nestlé. So we all had free cucur bawang and Nescafe which was great.

But one person that amused me was this boy who was bathing in the river when the kids were busy collecting rubbish along the banks. He kept shouting "Hoi! Pencuri sampah! Ko curi sampah kampung aku!"

Sayangilah sungai kita tapi bukan sampahnya! :)

Sains Rumah Tangga atau lebih dikenali sebagai SRT

Dulu semasa bersekolah di Kg Kongo saya belajar Sains Rumah Tangga. Dari tingkatan 1 hingga tingkatan 3 kami pelajar perempuan terpaksa (saya kata terpaksa sebab saya tidak suka) mempelajari jahitan dan masakan.

Masa kelas jahitan kami akan duduk beramai-ramai di keliling sebuah meja kayu yang sangat humongous dan akan sama-sama cuba menyiapkan projek jahitan untuk tahun itu. Masa form 1 kami kena buat apron dan kep untuk kelas masakan. Masa form 2 pula buat house coat kalau tak silap saya. Masa form 3 kami telah menyiapkan skirt A-Line untuk SRP. Waktu jahitan adalah waktu trauma bagi saya. I hated sewing on the machine. I hated doing all the sembat susup. I hated sewing zips and buttons on to the skirt or blouse that we were doing. Ada satu mesin jahitan tu saya namakan mesin ngok ngek sebab bila kita tekan pedal untuk gerakkan jarum mesin tu akan kedengaran bunyi ngok ngek ngok ngek ngok ngek. I would curse at the machine and call it names but somehow whenever I did that the teacher would always be nearby and heard what I said and admonish me for my use of bad language.

"Kita ni Nurhayati orang perempuan. Kena pandai hal-hal rumahtangga."

Most of the time during jahitan my mind would wander and I'd always wish I was somewhere else doing something better. Seperti berada di kantin sekolah untuk menikmati hidangan nasi putih dan daging kicap abang Sam.

"Nurhayati! Senget jahitan tu! Berangan lagi. Kalau tak pandai kerja rumah ni nanti susah kamu nak cari laki!"

Puan Salmah, zaman sekarang ni kalau susah nak cari pasangan hidup bukan disebabkan kurang home management skills, tetapi disebabkan ramai abang-abang lebih suka mencari cewek di tanah seberang. Dan saya pula tidak termasuk di dalam statistik gadis-gadis Malaysia yang berpotensi untuk dibawa lari ke Pulau Lombok untuk dikahwini kerana saya sudah melepasi julat umur 14-18 tahun itu a looooooooong long time ago.

When in Alamanda do as the Putrajayans do

Whenever you're in Alamanda and you've forgotten what day it is, just look around you. If you see large groups of people wearing batik, it's Thursday.

Doktor

This morning I went to see a doctor for my aches and pains. He checked me and then said I needed to rest more and maybe have a change of lifestyle to lessen the stress. As you turn 40 stress can affect you so much more and in many different ways it seems. His biggest recommendation for the lifestyle overhaul was to cut down on caffeine, which he said could significantly reduce my stress level. But at the same time would probably trigger seizure-like withdrawal symptoms, but I just kept that thought to myself sebab muka doktor tu garang dan serius. Bad hair day barangkali. Ataupun baru bertengkar dengan the young and super inefficient Misi at the counter. She might be the only person I know to ask for my IC number after asking for my MyKad for registration.

After writing down the prescription he said he was off for a short break. I just nodded and said thank you.

I left the clinic and on the way to my car I stopped by the restaurant a few lots away to buy some, ehemm, hot tea. And I saw the doctor inside having a drink, and talking with his friends, and smoking like a dragon.

He saw me and said, "I need this to manage my stress."

I just nodded, and left the restaurant. Muka dia garang. Saya takut nak komen banyak-banyak.

Kantoi

Yesterday I spent some time with my niece, helping her with her reading. If any of you are familiar with the syllabus and the level of the ujian saringan they have to sit for to gauge their level of literacy you will know how difficult it is. Buat ujian saringan untuk darjah satu macam nak buat entrance test untuk jadi angkasawan. Somehow I feel lucky to belong to a different (nak cakap older tapi masih in denial) generation during which the text book for Bahasa Malaysia had more pictures than sentences. And the concept of 1Malaysia was immortalized through the names Zurina, Ah Chong and Ramasamy.

After the reading and writing activities my niece did some drawing and pasting. She divided her art block paper into four quadrants and drew something different in each. And then did some colouring. And then cut up some strips of paper and pasted them on the drawings. Then she presented her work to me as a gift.

-Here Mak Long. I did this for you. You can take this to your office and show it to your friends.
-Oooh. Thank you. What did you draw?
-Take a look.
-Wah cantiknya. Who is this pretty girl? (elemen membodek dan reinforcement of self-esteem through good words of encouragement)
-Mak Long. That's a boy. (Kantoi number 1)
-Oh OK. And what about this eraser? Pandai Aina lukis little hearts to decorate it!
-But that's a pizza! (Kantoi number 2)
-Uhuh. Well that's a special pizza then. (typical Mak Long cover up)
-Mak Long, can I tell you something?
-Sure.
-You're not good in arts and craft, are you?

Oh well.

Cedera

Dulu semasa di sekolah menengah saya dipilih untuk mewakili SMSS untuk sukan bola jaring dan bola keranjang. Saya rasa mungkin tidak sukar bagi mereka yang mengenali saya untuk meneka kenapa saya dipilih. Ketinggian saya dapat dijadikan senjata psikologi semasa berjumpa pihak lawan. Ceh macam bagus padahal sebenarnya tidak ramai yang berminat untuk bermain sukan ini di sekolah dahulu. Ramai yang lebih suka membaca surat dari abang angkat atau peminat rahsia yang meletakkan surat berbedak secara senyap-senyap di dalam meja menggunakan pertolongan seorang perantaraan. Namun pada hakikatnya ini satu strategi yang agak berisiko tinggi kerana terdapat banyak kes di mana orang tengah yang merupakan pagar yang diharap ternyata memakan padi.

Tetapi untuk tidak membuang masa pembaca saya kembali ke topik utama. Pernah sekali sebelum satu perlawanan bola jaring yang penting, saya mengalami kecederaan di kaki akibat perbuatan bodoh diri sendiri. Buku lali saya terseliuh akibat tergelincir dan jatuh sewaktu bermain lumba lari menaiki tangga Bradley dengan seorang rakan yang lain. Guru yang melatih kami bermain bola jaring telah memarahi saya dan berkata: ''Apa pasal awak tak lompat saja dari atas tangga tu ke bawah biar patah kaki terus?''. Keciiiiik hati saya bila cikgu saya berkata begitu. Manalah saya tahu acara lumba naik tangga itu boleh membawa padah. Saya berlumba pun untuk suka-suka saja. Buat menghibur hati. Ya lah abang angkat tak ada, peminat rahsia memang betul-betul berahsia sampai saya tak tahu siapa, dalam meja tak pernah pun saya jumpa surat ''menyatakan hasrat hati''. Kalau budak remaja zaman sekarang ni mungkin dah boleh mengalami kemurungan tahap satu.

Pagi tadi di ofis setelah habis kelas pagi saya terserempak dengan seorang pelajar yang mengikuti kelas saya semester lepas. Dia berjalan terdengkot-dengkot sambil menyeret sahaja selipar yang dipakainya. Bila saya bertanya apa yang terjadi dia memberitahu yang dia tercedera di kaki gara-gara bermain futsal (dan ada beberapa orang pelajar saya yang lain yang sakit kaki akibat permainan ini). Lalu dengan tidak semena-mena dan tanpa berfikir panjang saya terus berkata, ''Hah. Lain kali apa kata awak tendang je tiang gol tu sekali alang-alang awak dah tergeliat kaki. Dah tau exam dah nak dekat apasal awak main futsal beriya sangat?''

Lantas saya terfikir: Oh tidak! Saya sudah dimakan sumpah cikgu bola jaring SMSS saya!