Thursday, April 29, 2010

A great tit is also a bird

A few days ago I bought a very interesting book in Carrefour in Alamanda. Sometimes they have RM5 book promotions and if you're lucky you can get good titles. And the books are all brand new.

This particular book is a glossary of tragically misunderstood words in the English language. It compiles a list of pseudo-imprecations - words or terms that sound obscene but are not. Like, for example, if someone slowly whispers in your ear "You have to check out Yati's vibrotactile aids.", it doesn't mean that I'm a dildo towkay, but rather I probably sell tiny battery-powered devices that can be attached to a deaf person's body to allow the person to feel the vibration of sounds.

Similarly, if your daughter comes home from school one day and tells you she met a dandy cock during recess time, don't panic. She might just be referring to one of the several miniature breeds of chickens that are one-fourth the size of the normal chicken.

But to the guy who farted in the lift in Alamanda the other day and then just buat-buat tak faham, I just want you to know that you have a serious case of butt rot, dude. And I ain't talking about the the tree fungal disease.

NB: For those who are interested, the book is entitled Butt Rot and Bottom Gas, by Eric Groves, Sr. ISBN 978-1-59474-203-3.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010


This morning I invigilated a group of students who sat for a technical paper. It was a 2 hour paper so naturally the ones with a loose bladder or who sat directly at the air conditioner will feel the need to go to the loo.

The invigilator needs to accompany the student out and wait for him or her outside the toilet.

I waited for about 5 minutes or so. The boy still didn't come out. So I called out to him.

-Lama lagi ke awak kat dalam tu? Dah lebih 5 minit ni.
-Madame. Jangan la dok panggil saya lagu tu. Saya tau madame tunggu saya kat luaq tu.
-Habis tu?
-Tak buleh nak keluaq! Jenuh dok cuba!

Ngok ngek betul.

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