Saturday, December 26, 2009

Tersilap hantar

Salam and Bonsoir everyone.

I received this flyer in my email this evening. I am guessing that I was mistaken for another younger, more hip and more punk lady who bears the same name as I do. I know absolutely nothing about punk music. I thought The Cure were punk. They were not apparently. I confused them with The Clash. The first time I saw a boy wearing a Ramones t-shirt to class, I asked him if it was a new cigarette brand (dulu cikgu tuisyen saya hisap rokok Rothmans). My students have since given up trying to explain to me the difference between garage rock, punk rock and pop punk. For me it's just very fast music which involves a lot of jumping and kicking onstage. Dan pemakaian seluar ketat.

Nevertheless I find this material interesting because of the band names. If you translate them into Bahasa Melayu, they would make very nice book titles that would suit a variety of genre.

Book title: Neraka Kejam
Genre: Romance

Book title: Daging Yang Dimuntahkan
Genre: Comics and Graphic Novels

Book title: Kelewatan Tak Terhingga
Genre: Medical and Health Sciences

Book title: Osman Tikus
Genre: Children's Books

Book Title: Darah Di Baju Pengantin
Genre: Mystery and Thriller

And please don't make me translate the title of the flyer.

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Last week I was at an ice-cream parlor for some cold dessert. But after a while I had second thoughts, looking at the long queue. Any line longer than the length equivalent to my height is considered long for me. Tetapi memandangkan keinginan untuk merasakan sesuatu yang sejuk dan berperisa Butter Pecan itu agak menebal di sanubari, ku gagahkan jua walaupun terpaksa berhadapan dengan dugaan Tuhan yang paling besar: menangkis serangan B.O yang sungguh massive dari jejaka yang sedang beratur di hadapanku. Balik mandi la brader!

But that's not the story. Setibanya aku di hadapan kaunter aku dikejutkan dengan "Bonjour madame!". Oh hey bekas anak murid rupanya. Tersengih-sengih sambil cuba membetulkan rambut yang dipotong stail rambut orang mainan Lego. Macam helmet. Comel tetapi serabut.

"You OK madame?"
"So far so good. Thanks for asking. How are you?"
"I OK je madame. I work here dah nak dekat 6 months. I is very enjoy."
" are you doing this job part time?"
"Yes. Bapak suruh belajar Inggeris. Ambik kelas malam. Tapi tak cool la madame. Better I work here dapat duit lebih. Week-end boleh ronda-ronda. I is enjoy like that."

Now there is one thing everybody should know. Every language teacher is equipped with a special invisible mask that can hide his or her true facial expression whenever a student makes a grammar mistake or says something that will cause the teacher to cringe inwardly. I call it the "Make Donno" invisible mask.

Make Donno invisible mask ON.

Just smile.
And reply politely.
"Kalau macam tu bagilah madame satu doubleheader cone. Satu scoop Rocky Road. Satu lagi Pralines 'n Cream."

Tak jadilah nak makan aiskrim perasa Butter Pecan tu. Takut nanti I is tak enjoy.

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Friday, December 25, 2009

Tina the female warrior

Early this morning I was awakened by four paws doing the Jane Fonda cycling-in-the-air movement at my back. I had been sleeping on my side and didn't realize that one of my cats was napping behind me. And was trying to do a hostile take-over of the bed by kicking me out of my sleeping place.

Kurang asam punya kucing. Bukan main lagi perangai diva nya tu. Nampaknya ada yang nak kena gomol extra ni.

Gambar di atas adalah gambar Tina di dalam pose bajet cute nya.

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Maksud kata


1. entomologie butterfly
papillon de nuit moth
2. (familier) [contravention] (parking) ticket
3. (familier) [esprit volage]
c'est un (vrai) papillon he's fickle
4. technologie [écrou] butterfly or wing nut
[obturateur, clapet] butterfly valve
5. sport butterfly (stroke)

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A double celebration

I have two friends who celebrate their birthday on Christmas Day. One is from France and the other is from Melaka. So December 25 holds two special meanings for them.

This morning when I sms-ed them my birthday wishes, I wondered: When Santa Claus came to deliver them to their parents' door step when they were born, did he drive a Citroën 2CV or a Proton Saga Iswara? Was he in a red Santa suit with all the white fur trimmings? Or just super relaxed santai-santai pakai t-shirt Pagoda putih dengan kain pelikat for better air circulation?

And while he's in Malaysia, I'm pretty sure Monsieur SC will really whack the roti canai and even bring back home a year's supply. Cos I don't think you can find any Nirvana Maju or Devi's Corner up there in the North Pole. The extreme sub-zero temperature will just kill the taste of any deserving Ayam Masala.

Well anyway, Happy Birthday guys!

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Salade aux fruits

When I told a friend about my intention to have a blog, the first thing he asked me was:
"What is your theme?"

Eh...nak buat blog mesti ada tema ke?
"Of course my dear! Is it going to be satirical? Funny? Political? Dark? All about sharing recipes? Bikin cerita mistik ala Tamar Jalis?"

Rojak boleh?

As my niece would sometimes say to me as we hang around doing nothing,
"Mak Long, there are so many songs playing in my head right now...I just don't know which one to sing..."

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009