Reminder for assignment

Yesterday in class I was discussing with the students about their first assignment. I also reminded them to come and see me at the office and show the progress of their work.

-I want you to show me a sample of your brochures by this week. You can show me the soft copy OR print it out in black and white first for me to see. After that you can print it out in colour using glossy paper.

Then I decided to rephrase everything I said ke nada yang lebih berbudi bahasa.

-I mean, I would like to see a soft OR hard copy of your brochure sample first before you print it out in colour using glossy paper.

Most of the students nodded. The one of them raised his hand.

Dalam hati saya berkata, aku dah agak dah. Mesti ada yang tak paham makna glossy ni. Atapun tak ingat apa option yang aku bagi tadi. Itu la masa aku bercakap kau sibuk nak bercakap jugak dengan kawan kau.

-Oui, monsieur, do have a question to ask?
-Yes madame. So...want or would like?

LOL. That was the perfect ending to my class. :D

Sambil meminum sup tomyam di Noodle Station Alamanda...

Yesterday I went to Alamanda after work for some grocery shopping. And decided to have an early dinner at the Noodle Station. New menu, new dishes, new prices.

As I got my order, a young couple entered the restaurant and sat next to my table. I was sitting on a long banquette so I sort of shared it with two other tables. And we were seated quite close to each other so I could hear everything they were talking about without me having to really eavesdrop. In other words, I WAS.

Anyway as I was enjoying my mild seafood tomyam noodle (yang sedap by the way), the girl said to her boyfriend, "Yang jom kita pegi Spain?", to which he replied, "Jauhnya baby kat Amerika Selatan tu!". I was dying to turn to them and correct the gross geographical error but decided against it and took out my iPhone to update my FB status about this instead. Sekurang-kurangnya saya tak cari pasal dan saya pun boleh makan dengan aman.

Then they got their order. Then the girl decided she didn't want what she ordered but wanted what BF was having instead. Ini semua the manja trap that I'm used to seeing and in other circumstances I'm OK with it lantak engkaulah but at that moment it quite annoyed me because I really wanted some peace and quiet for me to enjoy my noodle soup alone. But I just waited for the bickering to end and it did eventually after a few minutes. Saya syak mereka baru menjadi couple. Kalau pasangan yang dah kenal lama tu mau mangkuk curry laksa tu dah ada kat atas kepala.

Then they started talking about their school days. Ohhh mereka bersekolah di sekolah rendah yang sama rupanya. She said she was in Kelas Satu in standard one. The boy said he was in Kelas Tiga because he was not a clever boy (dan sampai sekarang pun la dok sengal lagi cuma dia tak sedar-sedar). The girl argued and said no all the kids were placed in the classes at random dan bukan ikut kepandaian. And they started arguing and the manja-manja pout came out again. Yes no yes no yes no yes no. Dan ruang udara di bahagian meja saya pun dipenuhi dengan bunyi rungutan yang sungguh bingit.

So I turned to them and said, "Adik masa akak darjah satu sampai darjah enam kelas mengikut kepandaian. Pastu kan, akak sentiasa dalam kelas A. Dari darjah 1A sampailah darjah 6A. Masa geografi cikgu akak ajar, negara Sepanyol tu di benua Eropah."

They both stared at me, nodded a little, really slowly, maybe out of fear that I might lunge at them with my black chopsticks.

I smiled at them, put on my earphones, and continued slurping my soup. Sambil mendengar Gary Moore menyanyi di iTunes ku. And to cancel out all the noises coming from the table beside mine.

I wasn't so sure, but I think I could read the boy's lips saying "Ada aku kesah?" to GF. Kah kah kah.

The case of the desperate orange thrower

During Chap Goh Mei, maidens throw oranges to fetch the apple of their eyes, or so read the title for the Star Online dated Tuesday February 7, 2012. Some of my Chinese friends have urged me to join in the fun. "Alaaa tak jumpa pun tak apa la, suka-suka saja...."

But that's the whole problem. In view of the advanced stages of my maidenhood years, I have no time anymore to spare for benda main-main. If I were to go and throw any citrus fruit into the sea or into a lake, I would have to make sure I eliminate all failure risks and maximize success rate.

Firstly, I need a fool-proof plan. Imagine me as an Ah Lian. If I want any potential Ah Beng to get my orange with my contact number on it I would have to make sure the fruit is easily fished out. Wrap it in bubble wrap so it would float on the surface of the water. Paint it in fluorescent pink or yellow so that it stands out from the rest (of the other oranges belonging to equally hopeful Ah Lians). But most importantly, tie the damn fruit to a tree with a secure string before throwing it into the sea. It will stay near the land! Someone is definitely bound to see it, pick it up, and look at it. If it's a monkey he will probably eat it up. But do not despair. That is just one of the 144 oranges that I have bought for this mission. There are 143 more.

Then there's the strategy for dissemination of personal info. If I just write my name and write "Gong Xi Fa Cai muah muah" on the orange, this will leave any potential suitor in a quandary. He will need some precious time to figure out who I am. He would have to gather any remaining traces of fingerprint or DNA imprinted on the skin of the fruit. And by the time he discovers my true identity, should he persevere, I might just already be menopausal and there goes any chances at procreation.

So let's not waste time. I'll write my name, my contact number, my vital statistics, which side of the bed I sleep on, my cats' names, their vaccination dates, my email addresses (yahoo, hotmail, gmail), my Facebook account, my twitter account, my latest medical history, my height, current weight and BMI. Oh and also the "Jurujual dan MLM tak mau" warning.

Yup. That's about it. I think I need a bigger citrus fruit. I think I need a pomelo.

So call me? Please? I'll pay you?