Saturday, December 8, 2012

Noor Montessori Bandar Baru Bangi & Noor Montessori Kajang



Assalamualaikum and a very good morning to all fellow Netizens! May this blog posting meets you in the best of health. Today I would like to invite all of you to have a look at what Noor Montessori has to offer. We are a preschool that combines the Montessori method and the teachings of Islam, with the hopes that our young Muslims will have a good start with the basic foundation needed to continue their growing years following the straight path that brings us all to our Creator.

We offer three programs:
1) Regular program: 8am-12pm
2) Noor Rich program: 8am-3pm
3) Full day program: 7am-7pm




There are currently 2 Noor Montessori branches:
1) Bandar Baru Bangi
2) Kajang


Registrations are now open for 2015. Our school accepts 2-6 year olds (toddlers and preschool). For more information and enquiries please do not hesitate to call our managers:
1) Auntie Shida: 019-915 45 47 (Bandar Baru Bangi)
2) Auntie Ezan: 019-700 01 42 (Kajang)


Some photos for your viewing pleasure:






















Thursday, October 4, 2012

A little less conversation (is sometimes better)


Some time ago a friend of mine told me that he wanted to introduce me to a guy pal of his. "Just to get you to meet new people, don't see this as a blind date or anything la ok Yati." , he said. I was a bit skeptical. Hmmmm kata saya dalam hati.

Then a few days ago I met this same friend in a bank. He was sitting there waiting for his turn. There was another guy sitting beside him. Who turned out to be the person he wanted to introduce me to. So I sat with them and chatted for a bit. His name was A (the blind date potential.)

A talked quite a bit, telling me about himself and stuff he did. He was saving up to go to New Zealand. To absorb the culture, he enthused. I found this part of the conversation highly interesting as I have never been there. And since I couldn't add more to the topic, I just mentioned that I admired my Kiwi friends for embracing the Maori culture. Even the Mat Salehs know the Haka.

To which he replied, "Oh the Kiwis can speak Chinese ye?"

Dude, it's Haka with a single k, not double.

OK, striking off A. I'm now looking for B or C. Anyone?

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Kejadian di Pusat Reflexology Forevercare



A few days ago I went to have my foot massage in Taman Tun Dr Ismail. It was good to have some me-time and do nothing but just relax for 1.5 hours. I was lucky to be the last one to get a booking that evening. The rest who came after me had to be turned down.

Anyway two things happened that made me smile and think, "Oh this can only happen in Malaysia."

Incident 1

The couple having their foot massage beside me was a Chindian couple. By that I mean the lady was Indian and the man was half Chinese half Iban I think. Or that was what I gathered from the conversation with the therapist. Okay not Chindian then. Chindiban. And neither spoke any Mandarin, so conversation with the therapist from China proved to be a bit tedious, because each time the translation had to be provided by the lady Boss who manned the cash counter.

Then the Indian lady asked her therapist which part of the organs would be affected when she massage that certain part of the sole. She pointed to her foot and showed to a chart on the wall. The therapist seemed to understand and replied, "Ohhh ohhh yes yes...kherr nee". The lady customer didn't understand. There was another Chinese lady customer who sat a few chairs away who tried to help. But she too couldn't make out the word and suggested that maybe it was a Mandarin word that didn't exist in the Malaysian Mandarin language. The therapist kept on repeating "Kherr nee...kherr nee". 

Then the lady Boss came to us and asked her what the word was. The therapist told her and she translated to us.

"Oh. The kidney."

Translation from Mandarin English to Malaysian English actually.

Incident 2

Towards the end of my 1.5 hour foot reflexology massage, a man entered and told the lady Boss he had already booked an appointment. As he was taking off his shoes to slip on his slippers, he told the lady Boss, "Aiyah saya tada bawak la itu kad chop-chop. Manyak kilija la tada masa mau balik rumah angkat."

Most probably he was referring to the loyalty card.

The lady Boss asked him, "Kad apa?"

"Aiyah itu kad saya dapat tampal lepas urut kaki...ka chop-chop ka tak tau la nama dia."

Then the lady Boss asked him again, "Encik can you speak Chinese?"

He looked at her, surprised, and exclaimed, "Wah you Cina meh? Muka serupa Melayu sajia wo."

And then they happily spoke to each other in Mandarin. But this time I didn't hear any mention of kherr nee.




Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Test 1

It has been more than a month since I last wrote anything in Papillon Putih, yang sudah semestinya semakin berhabuk dan tidak seputih dulu. Puasa, Raya, Beraya, Makan, Kelas, Part time, Test...seribu satu macam alasan.

This week is test week for me. This morning I had a French written test with a group of students.After the test some of them came up to me to check their answers. Ada yang (a) beriya nak tau jawapan, (b) ada yang "ada aku kesah?" (c) ada yang "Ya Allah madame kalau pass pun jadilah madame syukur nikmat Tuhan." Kumpulan (a) sudah mula mengulangkaji dari minggu lepas dan ada datang berjumpa saya. Siap ada sms tanya soalan lagi. Kumpulan (b) setakat belajar untuk pass dan yang penting lepas test nak keluar ke café untuk bersarapan pagi kerana disebabkan ada test pagi ini maka mereka perlu datang ke kelas awal tepat 8.30 pagi dan bukannya 8.45 atau tak datang langsung sebab tertidur. Kumpulan (c) adalah mereka yang lupa ada test pagi ni despite several reminders dan berserah kepada kuasa Tuhan dan toyol berupa foto-foto nota yang diambil dan disimpan di dalam smartphone mereka namun terpaksa akur dengan keadaan bila madame simpan semua telefon bimbit semasa ujian dijalankan.

But one of them came up with a confusing analogy, which got me baffled for a good minute before regaining composure to maintain my Cikgu Bedah look.

"Madame, awat madame buat test lagu tu?"
"Lagu mana?"
"Alaaa...lagu tu la. Tak gheti apa pun nak jawab."
"Did you revise for my test?"
"Tu dia la madame. Saya ni loqlaq sikit. Kalut semacam."
"Hmmmm..."
"Bila buat test madame tu kan, ghasa satu macam punya tak syiok la. Kalau minum kopi tu macam ghasa tawaq hebiaq."

I'm suspecting he's from the (c) group.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Search words

I have this nifty gadget called Feedjit that you can see at the bottom right corner of my blog. Which basically feeds me with some very minimal data about the blog visitors.

Of course, to get better functions, you would need to upgrade from Basic to Pro (as in Feedjit Pro I think). By doing so you do not only get to know the identity and country of origin of each and every one of your blog visitor, you also would get first-hand and classified information on everybody's personal detail, including favorite fruit and underwear color. Yup, you heard it. You! Yeah you! The one reading this now. Hmmm...let me see...leopard print in shades of fuscia and teal. Ooh how very growling animal.

But of course you will then scroll down and see that I still haven't upgraded (being the real cheapo that I am) and thus all that was written in the paragraph above beginning from "you would also..." to "...how very freakin' growlin' animal." was totally pure crap.

But rapidly moving on. Feedjit also tells you how the visitors arrive at your blog. Some were blog surfing, some clicked on networkedblogs, some arrived by way of search words. So here is a short list of search words that have made it on my Feedjit. Somehow they were got linked to Papillon Putih after searching for these words or phrases.

  1. makna donkey masa kecil dalam bahasa english
  2. nurse vacancy kat rumah orang tua 2012
  3. bahayakah urat yang disuntik
  4. penutup tangki minyak kereta myvi
  5. telur berbulu (HUH?)
  6. mata putih berurat merah
  7. suka cewek ketiak masam (WTH?)

I'm not surprised that "suka cewek ketiak masam" got my blog tagged. I'm surprised that ADA cowok yang suka cewek ketiak masam.

Lists. I just love lists.






Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Teringat

  1. Gam dalam tub plastik kecik yang ada sudu empat segi melekat kat atas penutup dia.
  2. Kaset audio yang boleh guna pensel bersegi untuk rewind.
  3. TV berpintu dan berkaki.
  4. Lawan badge sekolah.
  5. Main zero point.
  6. Bunyi "ketek!" bila pusing tombol untuk tukar channel TV.
  7. Cuba balance ON/OFF kat suis bulat berpunat yang tolak ke atas/bawah bila nak pasang lampu.
  8. Beg keras motif kotak-kotak yang boleh buat tempat duduk sementara tunggu van sekolah.
  9. Susu coklat Magnolia dalam botol kaca.
  10. Baju bare-back.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Kekeliruan semantik

The other day in class we were discussing a little about jobs and occupations. I gave them a simple word puzzle in which they had to find words that describe someone's work. At first they had to guess the meaning of them. Some were easy, like étudiant or professeur or architecte. Some did not sound anything remotely like English, like cadre or douanier.

Then one of the students raised his hand and asked, "Madame, what mean chanteur?" (itu adalah soalan standard para pelajar saya bagi terjemahan terus "apa makna..." ke dalam Bahasa Inggeris). I told them that chanteur meant singer, then added, "When I say singer I'm talking about the recording artist and not the one you see at the zoo." Yang faham gelak. Yang tak faham memandang kosong. Yang kemengantukan berpuasa buat-buat macam faham tapi meneruskan tidur dengan mata terbuka. One student started singing the Singer jingle. You know..."Singer...menawan keluarga bahagia!". Gelak-gelak lagi.

Tak apalah. Saya pun meneruskan kelas. Tapi 5 minit selepas itu saya tengok keadaan semaking meruncing. Makin ramai yang mengantuk. You know it when you see the eyes start to roll upwards and the eyelid shutter speed mula menjangkau 1/500 sec with faster flash sync interval (cuba bayangkan). So I asked them to all stand up. Siapa dapat jawab boleh duduk.

At one point I asked the meaning of chanteur. One boy excited put up his hand. "I, Madame!" (read: "Saya cikgu!" dalam Bahasa Melayu). Dan dengan penuh keyakinan dia menjerit, "Chanteur is sewing machine!"

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Visit to Rumah Orang Tua Al-Ikhlas

Last Sunday (29/07/12) I had the wonderful opportunity to join a group of friends to visit the Rumah Jagaan Orang Tua Al-Ikhlas in Puchong and meet an extraordinary woman who calls herself Kak Muji who has decided to devote her time and use up her pension money to open a home and take care of the sick and elderly.

We did some collection (food contribution and cash donation) and pooled in our resources. My car boot was full of groceries and adult diapers generously given by my work colleagues. And the cash donation collected was enough to buy an industrial washing machine and pay for other needs deemed fit by Kak Muji. Orang UniKL MFI memang sempoi. Sentiasa bersedia untuk membantu. And to all my friends who contributed cayalah guys! You all were super awesome. Merci beaucoup!

Background story on the lady owner of the home:




Kak Muji is the lady who is running this home.
She is a retired head nurse. A single mother with three grown-up daughters and many happy grandchildren.
There are two main reasons why she decided to run this home for the elderly: 
1) There were no old folks home for Muslims only at that time.
2) Her expertise and skill as a nurse would come in very useful for geriatric care.

(Kak Muji is the one on the right, seen here holding one of her granddaughters. The tall lamp post you see on the left is, well, me.)


The building:




She was given access to an old  mosque which was no longer in use due to its very poor condition. Using her own financial resources, she rebuilt and restored it by putting new tiles and plaster ceiling. She also repaired the roof. Bit y bit, she extended the mosque area by adding a few wings, to have separate sections for the men and women and a bigger space for both the cooking area and the porch. All this at her own expenses, of course.

This is the first all Muslim care center for the elderly.

Residents:






There are currently 55 residents; 20 men and 35 women. They are patients sent in by hospitals all over the country as they had nobody to take care of them upon leaving the ward. Most of them are bed-ridden. She says she  only takes in chronic patients, as her experience working in a hospital would be beneficial to these elderly people. Sometimes the patients sent in to her home were so ill or were still in a coma and they pass away within 2-3 days of arrival. I find it emotionally hard to witness these elderly people all put up in a home, especially the women. Each one has a different story to tell. Some have no family, some became old and forgotten, some are so-called paying for their past sins. I hope and I pray that God blesses our souls with more empathy and compassion towards our parents, for that is what is sorely needed and lacking. Nobody should grow old alone. And lonely.

Kak Muji is assisted by 13 helpers. Each one is trained for a specific skill, such as cooking, cleaning, feeding or basic nursing.

Monthly expenses:









The cost to run this house is around RM30k per month. Most of the expenses would go to food, diapers, medication and salary. They go through 10 kg of rice and 15 packs of adult diapers per day. So any contribution of adult diapers and basic food supplies would be most welcome, as well as cash donations or maybe corporate sponsorships to take care of the utility bills.

We hope to make our visit here a regular one and help spread a bit of cheer to the elderly who only want to spend the last days of their lives knowing that there are still some people out there who care.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sesi berkenalan di dalam kelas

This morning I had class with this particular group of 8 students for the first time. All boys. So, as usual, we first had to introduce ourselves (en français, bien sûr) and then introduce another friend. In order to do so, I first asked each one to take out a sheet of A4 paper and told them to draw themselves. At the beginning they were a bit reluctant, asking again and again what they really had to do. I don't know why but somehow all my students would gladly draw another friend but refuse to do a self-portrait. So finally I explained to them that I just wanted a simple sketch of how they see themselves, if they cannot remember how they look like. Then they went Ohhh and started work.

After 5 minutes, I collected their work to be randomly redistributed. From the 8 drawings, I had one rock star, one Doraemon, one Mat Salleh superhero (sebab pakai spender kat luar), two local superheros (sorang pakai kupiah, sorang lagi pakai cape batik), seorang gadis bertudung yang buat pose muncung, one K-Pop boy and finally one normal budak lelaki Melayu yang pakai jeket MFI.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Blood test

This morning I went to the clinic for a blood test. In the doctor's office, she was trying to look for a vein visible enough for her to poke the needle in. While doing so she kept asking me if I could stand the sight of blood. If not it would be better for me to lie down during the procedure instead of me sitting on a chair and risking passing out and roll off the chair out off the room.

Dia ikat lengan saya dengan tali velcro. Dia jentik-jentik mencari urat yang timbul.Dia suruh saya genggam-genggam tangan macam main cap-cekur-gam-gamit masa kecik-kecik dulu. Tapi masih tak jumpa tempat sesuai untuk disuntik. Sambil mencari dia berbual kosong dengan saya supaya saya tidak panik.

-Hmmm I can't seem to find any vein.
-Ohh. Doctor does that mean I have good smooth skin?
-It means your veins are deep down. Sebab awak ada banyak isi.
-Ohhhh.

She tried on both forearms but still couldn't find a good vein. Doktor saya geleng-geleng kepala. Muka dia sangat masam. Saya macam ada sedikit cuak.

-So doctor if we cannot find a vein how??
-Hmmm....well looks like we might have to cut off an arm then.

HAH! Deep down I knew she was just cracking a joke but she looked so serious that I couldn't help but feel very worried. Not to mention start to imagine the worst.

She saw my muka pucat and terus exclaim "Hah quick quick fist pump fist pump!"

I did as was told. She found a bulging vein. Blood extracted. End of story.

Logik ke bila muka pucat darah semua ke tangan? Entahlah tapi semasa hendak keluar dari ofis doktor saya terdengar gelak "hahahawasudakenakandiabeb" nya. Haih. Takpa lah janji misi tercapai!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Amazing animal facts

  • A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
  • A bee must visit 4,000 flowers in order to make one tablespoon of honey.
  • Humpback whales create the loudest sound of any living creature.
  • Bald eagles may use the same nest year after year, adding more twigs and branches each time. One nest was found that had been used for 34 years and weighed over two tons.
  • Great White Sharks can go as long as three months without eating.
  • A bee can see the colors green, blue and ultra-violet - but red looks like black.
  • A giant squid’s eyes have a diameter of 15 inches which are the largest of any animal.
  • A zebra is white with black stripes.
  • Mayflies live for a year or more as larvae; but as adults they live for only a few hours.
  • Bats always turn left when leaving a cave.
  • 3 out of 10 Dalmation dogs suffer from hearing loss due to inbreeding.
  • Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.
  • Polar bears are the only mammal with hair on the soles of its feet.
  • The African Elephant has a gestation period of 22 months while a short-nosed bandicoot gestates for 12 days.
  • The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs  covering a meter a second.
  • The mortality rate if bitten by a Black Mambo snake is over 95%.
  • Ticks are second only to the mosquito as the most dangerous parasites to humans.
  • According to one study, plant and animal species are becoming extinct at the rate of 17 per hour.
  • The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
  • A dog’s sense of smell is 1,000 times stronger than humans.
  • Killer Whales (Orcas) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
  • Bald eagles can actually swim! They use an overhand movement of the wings that is very much like the butterfly stroke.
  • Hummingbird’s consume half of their weight in food daily.
  • A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.
  • A large swarm of locusts can eat 80,000 tons of corn in a day.
  • Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of a blue whale.
  • Female fleas consume fifteen times their weight daily.
  • A cockroach can survive for about a week without its head before dying of starvation.
  • When a dolphin is sick or injured, its cries of distress summon immediate aid from other dolphins, who try to support it to the surface so that it can breathe.
  • The whale shark has over 4,000 teeth. Each tooth is only 3mm long.
  • A rhinoceros beetle can support up to 850 times its own weight on it's back. That would be the equivalent of a man carrying 76 family-sized cars around on his back.
  • Mosquitoes have been found to prefer biting people with smelly feet.
  • A dragonfly can spot an insect moving 33 feet away.
  • Certain Chinese and American alligators can survive the winter by freezing their heads in ice, leaving their nose out to breath for months on end.
  • Polar Bears are capable of jumping as high as 6 feet and can run as fast as 25mph.
  • Sea Otters use so much energy that they need to eat as much as one-third of their weight each day.
  • The ‘crosshairs’ of gun sights were made of spider web filaments until the 1960’s.
  • The sailfish, the swordfish and the mako shark have all been clocked at swimming over 50mph.
  • Mosquitos are attracted most to the color blue.
  • The male penguin incubates the single egg laid by his mate. During the two month period he does not eat, and will lose up to 40% of his body weight.
  • Honeybees have hair on their eyes.
  • The heart of a shrimp is located in its head.
  • Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
  • An adult lion's roar can be heard up to five miles away, and warns off intruders or reunites scattered members of the pride.
  • The only continent without reptiles or snakes is Antarctica.
  • Some frogs are able to be frozen and then thawed, and continue living.
  • A group of herring is called a seige.
  • A Holstein's spots are like a fingerprint or snowflake. No two cows have exactly the same pattern of spots.
  • Cats prefer to eat their food at 86º F, which is why they don't immediately gulp down the half-eaten can of food from the refrigerator.
  • A goldfish is the only animal that can see infrared and ultraviolet light.
  • One in 5,000 North Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.
  • A snail can sleep for 3 years.
  • A group of jelly fish is called a smack.
  • The oceans contain 99 percent of the living space on the planet.
  • The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
  • There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.
  • There are about 100 breeds of cats.
  • A tiger's paw prints are called pug marks.
  • Over 100,000 birds, whales, seals and turtles worldwide are killed by plastic rubbish every year. Marine life, in particular turtles, is prone to mistaking plastic bags for jellyfish, ingesting them and dying of intestinal blockage.
  • Infant beavers are called kittens.
  • The fastest bird, the spine-tailed swift, can fly as fast as 106mph.
  • Slugs have 4 noses.
  • Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.
  • Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
  • Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific.
  • A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
  • A cheetah can reach a top speed approaching 70 mph.
  • A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.
  • Greyhounds can jump a distance of 27 feet.
  • Yak milk is pink in color.
  • An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.
  • Of the approximately 200 eggs laid by a female leatherback sea turtle an average of two will survive their youth and grow to sexual maturity.
  • Dolphins sleep with one half of the brain at a time, and one eye closed.
  • A woodpecker can peck 20 times per second.
  • For every person there are rougly 200 million insects.
  • An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts.
  • The leech has 32 brains.
  • Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.
  • The Galpagos Tortoise has a potential life span of 200 years.
  •  A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
  • The average outdoor only cat has a lifespan of about three years. Indoor only cats can live sixteen years and longer.
  • The cheetah is the only cat in the world that can't retract its claws.
  • The praying mantis only has one ear.
  • Dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.
  • Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
  • It takes a lobster about seven years to grow to be one pound.
  • The membranes in a dog's nose, if unfolded and laid out, would be larger than the dog itself.
  • Large kangaroos can cover over 30 feet with each jump.
  • A group of owls is called a parliament.
  • Of all known forms of animals life ever to inhabit the Earth, only about 10 percent still exist today.
  • A rhinoceros's horn is made of hair.
  • On average, pigs live for about 15 years.
  • Elephants have been found swimming miles from shore in the Indian Ocean.
  • Sharks apparently are the only animals that never get sick. They are immune to every type of disease including cancer.
  • Kiwi birds are blind, they hunt by smell.
  • A chameleon’s tongue is twice the length of its body.
  • Roosters can't crow if they can't fully extend their necks.
  • Male seahorses produce offspring.
  • The placement of a donkey's eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times.
  • Giraffes have no vocal cords.
  • A full-grown bear can run as fast as a horse.
  • Elephants have been known to remain standing after they die.
  • Goat's eyes have rectangular pupils.
  • An albatross can sleep while flying.
  • A dolphin's hearing is so acute that it can pick up an underwater sound from fifteen miles away.
  • A mosquito has 47 teeth.
  • No two zebras have the same markings.
  • A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.
  • Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
  • Butterflies taste with their hind feet.
  • The sex organ on a male spider is located at the end of one of its legs.
  • Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally nap in them, but they actually sleep in other places.
  • Armadillos, opossums, and sloth’s spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.
  • Lobsters can live up to 50 years.
  • The ears of a cricket are located on the front legs, just below the knee.
  • Bees have five eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and 2 larger ones in front.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Another visit to the clinic

The other day I watched my niece playing doctor/nurse with her plush toy reptile patients; ie a crocodile and a snake. Both were returning patients, so she had their medical history, and was referring to her notes as she spoke to them. Both the reptiles came in together to see her for consultation.

-Well hello Mister Crocodile. You're not feeling well today? Let me check your temperature. Hmmmm. Everything seems ok. Ohhh...what's this smell? Oh dear. I think it's just your ketiak masam again. You need to bathe more Mister Crocodile.

(she refers to her doctor's notes)

-Yes yes. It's ketiak masam. I will ask the nurse to give you some bedak and perfume. Excuse me? Did you say something Mister Snake?

(and she leaned closer towards the snake to listen to what he had to say)

-Oh yes. Definitely. You will not get ketiak masam. Because you don't have any ketiak! Very clever of you!

:))))


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Foto saiz IC

Yesterday I had to go take IC size photos to renew my teaching permit. It's something that you have to renew every five years if you're in a IPTS. Sort of like having a driving license. If you don't have it, you're not supposed to drive a car. But it doesn't mean you don't know how to.

Well, anyway, nowadays it becomes super easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy to go get your IC size pics done. Just smile, shoot, come back in 10 minutes time and the work's all done. In less than 15 minutes. Unless of course if you're not satisfied with the first two shots taken by the photographer. Then you'll have to go at it again. Try suggesting that he take a side profile of your portrait as well and see his eyes rolling in irritation. (well the one I asked this question did).

Well, ANYWAY, after the photo session was done I went to pay at the counter (just turn to the left, walk two steps and you reach the cash register and voilà hey the photog's also the cashier well what do you know). He reminded me politely to come back in 10 minutes' time. I said OK. Then I remembered that he didn't give me any receipt so I asked for one.

-Eh you tak da bagi saya resit la bos.
-Tada hal la Miss. Siap nanti saya bagi itu gambar pada you.
-Tapi macamana you tau itu gambar saya.
-ITU MUKA DALAM FOTO SERUPA MUKA YOU JUGA LA.

His eyes rolled a second time.

OH.

*dumb blonde moment*

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Pantun Indon lucu (konon)

Received this collection of SMS lawak when I was in Medan last week. Hmm I wonder how much I had to pay for that. The brand of humor is a little different from ours. More slapstick. But I still laugh at them. Aku kan Ratu Corny.

SMS nembak cewek:
Ikan hiu pegel-pegel
I love U girl...

SMS I love myself:
Buah semangka buah duren
Nggak nyangka gue keren

Buah semangka buah manggis
Nggak nyangka gue manis

Disana gunung, disini gunung,
Ditengah-tengah bunga melati
Saya bingung kamu pun bingung
Kenapa ada bunga melati ???!?

Jambu merah di dinding
Jangan marah just kidding! :)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Teka-teki

Yesterday my niece asked this teka-teki:

"Banyak-banyak bola, bola apa yang paling dihormati?"

The answer was bola golf. Sebab lepas pukul kena tabik untuk lihat di mana bola tu jatuh.

And it seems that I was the only one who didn't know the answer. All my other friends did, even the ones at the office.

A few weeks ago she gave another one too:

"Cuba sebut ni dalam bahasa Inggeris: ambik-ambik-pergi-muda."

Hahahahaha. Sebut cepat! :)))

Monday, June 18, 2012

Perbualan kajicuaca yang tak berapa dikaji

Last weekend we visited some relatives for lunch. After the meal we stayed at the table to catch up with family goings-on (read: gossip). My mom chatted with our host.

-Tak lama lepaih tu dia masuk hospital. Lama jugak. Kena sakit terbit bulan.
-Sakit apa tu?
-Alaa sakit terbit bulan tu la. Yang isi terkeluaq tu.
-Terbit bulan ke bulan mengambang?
-Tak tak. Ala sakit orang lelaki selalu dapat tu.
(I was there at the table but didn't say a word because I was completely clueless)
-Oh tau tau sakit angin ribut.
-Ni ha pasang surut!!!
-Oh. Habaq la awai-awai!

They were actually talking about hernia. Sebelum dapat nama yang betul habis semua fenomena metorologik dikeluarkan mereka.

Which, by the way, is called angin pasang-pasang in Malay. That's what a friend told me.


Friday, June 15, 2012

When in doubt, act confident.

Last night I saw my niece playing with her mom's iPhone. When I came near, she quickly hid the phone from me. She said she was typing something secret and didn't want me to read it.

-I'm typing something in my diarrhea. I downloaded it from the apps store.
-Hah? Diarrhea tu apa?
-Diarrhea. You can write stuff in it. About yourself or your friends. But it's a secret.
-Diary la Na.
-Ohh.

Hardly a few seconds later...

-Well actually I wanted to say "I'm typing something in my diary, ya."

UHUH.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Never answer a call from an unknown number

This afternoon while dozing off for a short siesta I received a call from an unknown number. Di dalam keadaan separa sedar saya menjawab panggilan tersebut, something that I rarely do if it's an unknown or blocked number. It was a man's voice at the other end, gruff and intimidating. 

-HELLO! Itu Parr Deegam mana?
-Siapa? (I was still resurfacing to total consciousness)
-Parr Deegam!
-Hah? Siapa?
-PARR DEEGAM! PARR DEEGAM! Mana?
-Mana saya tau? Lu tanya la dia!
-Itu Mall la. Kelana Jaya sana.
-OH. PARADIGM MALL. (by this time I was already taking part in the shouting contest)
-SAMA LA. EYY INI BUKAN ANITA KA.
-BUKAN. 
-INI SAPA!
-NENEK ANITA!
-Oh. Kirja satu ofis ka?

PODA!!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Menanda. Kemengantukan. Ketiduran.


Hari itu saya sibuk menanda kertas jawapan peperiksaan para pelajar saya. Dalam kesibukan menanda tu lama kelamaan saya rasa dunia sekeliling saya semakin kuning. Itu selalunya menandakan yang bekalan oksigen ke otak semakin berkurangan. Saya pun bersandar untuk berehat seketika.

Pintu ofis dibuka perlahan. Saya dengar derapan kasut hitam berkilat ke arah kubikel saya. Saya buka mata sedikit. Benarkah apa yang saya lihat?

Abang Tom Selleck di hadapanku! Memakai uniform lengkap Police Commissioner of New York. Tapi yang penting misai tu ok. MISAI tu.

-Hey I was just around the corner and thought I'd drop by to say hi.

Saya hanya mampu ternganga dek kerana terlampau terkedu dan terpesona dengan aura abang Tom. Hanya lirikan mata saya sahaja yang mengekori setiap langkahnya semasa dia ke kotak tisu dan mengambil sehelai tisu untuk diberikan kepada saya.

-Thank you. (itu sahaja lah yang dapat saya ungkapkan sementara saya menggunakan tisu tersebut untuk mengelap air liur berjejer)

-My pleasure. It's all in a day's work.

Dari kerusi saya, saya lihat ada kelibat seseorang menyelinap masuk ke pejabat saya dan menyorok di belakang. Abang Tom terus bercerita tentang hidupnya sebagai pesuruhjaya polis bla bla bla. Tapi saya sudah tidak boleh fokus kepadanya. Si penyelinap mengeluarkan sepucuk pistol Glock 17 9mm dan mengacukannya ke arah Tom/Commissioner Reagan/entahlah aku pun dah keliru. Saya mengambil pendekatan drastik. Saya menjerit "TOM!!!" dan cuba menolaknya ke tepi.

Saya buka mata. Rakan sekerja yang berada di kubikel sebelah memandang saya.

-Madam mengigau ye.
-Iye.

Saya duduk tegak, cuba membuat sedikit senaman regangan dan meneruskan penandaan kertas macam tiada apa-apa yang berlaku.

-Madam.
-Iye.
-Tom tu siapa?
-Kekasih lama.
-Oh.

Kah kah kah!


Friday, May 18, 2012

Perbualan bersama makcik cleaner di MFI

Pagi tadi saya terserempak dengan seorang makcik cleaner di dalam tandas. Sementara saya sedang mencuci mug saya, dia berdiri di sebelah untuk berbual sambil melakukan aktiviti perisikan.

-Good morning cikgu!
-Good morning auntie!
-Itu semalam siapa tu cikgu? Yang keluar makan dengan cikgu?
-Ohhh...itu bekas anak murid saya. 
-Wo. Saya ingat kawan. Cikgu belum kalianam lagi ka?
-Belum la auntie. Tak ada lelaki mau kalianam sama saya. Tak mau keluar sama saya. Saya banyak tinggi la auntie.
-Wo. Itu macam ka. Itu tada berani punya worang.
-Ye la auntie. Orang putih kata no guts.
-Apa itu gut? Itu potong juga ka?
-Itu cut la auntie. Ini guts. Guts. Tada berani.
-Wo...itu tada tulurrr punya worang la cikgu!

So:
No guts=tada tulurr

Those are the wise words of our auntie cleaner at MFI.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A little poem for you my students



Yati the Paranoid Teacher

I am Yati the Paranoid Teacher
Who's always the tallest one ever
Students look at me
Their eyes fill with glee
And ask "Oh Madame! How's the weather?"

They come to me when I say shoo!
To speak a word of French or two
They greet me "Bonjour!"
"Madame how are you?"
"Are you taller than the ostrich in the zoo?"

The naughty intent in the greeting
Got me lil mushy brains a-thinking
Their stomach will curl
Into a knot as they hurl,
"Madame! Spit out the one you are eating!"


Heheheh no laaaa...you know I love all of you...my students are my constant source of amusement and wonder!

Anyway Happy Teacher's Day to all you educators out there!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Introduction to dance

The other day I hung out with my niece in the bedroom. We talked about stuff and the subject of dance came up. I told her I was going to a Zumba fitness workshop. Dia tanya apa tu? Mak Long cakap itu gabungan bermacam-macam jenis tarian latin. Oooo dia jawab. Latin tu apa Mak Long?

Maka bermulalah Introduction to Latin dance 101.

Then she told me she too liked to dance. She asked me to look away while she prepared her dance steps to show me. Selepas beberapa minit dia pun mempersembahkan sebuah tarian yang tidak dapat saya kenalpasti asal-usulnya dan dari genre apa kerana ia agak...pelik. Jadi saya tanya dia.

-Aina ini apa jenis joget ni? Takde muzik pun?
-Oh tak payah pakai muzik Mak Long. Nari je.
-Ohhh. What is it called?
-A chess dance.
-You mean a jazz dance?
-No. A chess dance.
-Tarian apa tu?
-Oh you dance the chess dance when your friend is playing chess. Untuk sokong dia. But you have to keep quiet when they play chess. So that's why there is no music.

Mak Long melopong.

-Ooohhhh. In that case we should have a Snake and Ladder dance as well. Untuk sokong kawan-kawan kita yang tengah main Snake and Ladder. Haaa yang ini boleh ada muzik sebab tak payah senyap-senyap!

-Tsk tsk tsk...(budak bertuah ni men-tsk tsk-kan aku)...of course I won't be doing the Snake and Ladder dance. I'd be too busy playing the game! So YOU have to do the dance to cheer me on!

Dang. Mana pulak aku nak cari snake suit ni. Dan cari pemain seruling juga. Any ideas?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Terlambat bangun pagi

Pagi tadi saya terjaga lambat. Saya terlupa untuk memasang jam loceng seperti kebiasaan yang dilakukan. Pulaknya saya perlu menjaga peperiksaan pada pukul 9 pagi. Maka kecohlah saya bersiap-siap. Sampai tidak sempat bersarapan.

Di dalam kereta semasa memandu pun begitu juga. Entah kenapa perasaan gabra itu masih terasa.

Sedang saya sibuk membetulkan cermin kereta telefon bimbit saya terjatuh.

Sedang saya memandu itu jenuh meraba-raba lantai kereta. Setelah melepasi tol Kerinchi Link menuju ke Kuala Lumpur barulah kejumpaan.

Sedang saya menyusuri jalan turun ke Lebuhraya Persekutuan pula ternampak seorang abang polis sedang berdiri di tepi jalan.

Sedang dia berdiri memerhati kereta saya itulah dia ternampak saya memegang telefon bimbit saya.

Maka saya pun ditahan.

"Cik, masa memandu tak boleh pakai handphone."

Alamaaaakkk...cepat la...dah lambat ni...(kata saya di dalam hati; nak cakap kuat-kuat tak berani)

"Saya tak pakai. Saya pegang je."
"Mana ada orang bawak kereta pegang handphone. Mestilah nak pakai."

Ohhh tidaaakkk...perlukah abang polis ini beraksi diva di hadapanku di saat-saat genting ini!
Saya stres tahap gaban.

"Alah encik tu bawak pistol tapi ada ke bunuh orang tiap-tiap hari?"

Dia tenung saya dekat-dekat. Saya tengok bebola mata dia macam bebola api. Penuh berurat merah. Saya sedikit cemas. Sebab sangat tersembul. Kalau saya hulurkan tangan keluar tingkap kereta dan tepuk  tengkuknya sekali-dua pasti bebola matanya akan tercampak keluar dari soket. Betul.

"Cuba Cik tengok betul-betul. Saya ada pistol ke tak?"

Oh là là. Macam salah je ayat tu. Tapi saya jeling jugak. Nanti kalau ingkar arahan pun boleh masuk lokap jugak kot.

DEYYEM. Abang polis tu takde sepetol!!

Apa barang abang polis naik moto besar takde pistol ni. Seperti jedi knight yang kehilangan light saber nya. Bukankah setiap seorang memiliki sepucuk? Kenapa masa saya ditahan masa itulah sepetolnya menghilangkan diri?

Kenapa? Konspirasi? Komplot? Kealpaan?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Past years' questions

This morning I received an sms asking about past year questions. The conversation is as follows:

-Bonjour madame. Can you give me old questions for French?
-You can consult the past years' questions at the resource centre.
-Merci madame. I afraid I get badder marks than my test.
-The comparative for bad is not badder.
-Nak buat apa compare madame?
-Ok. Example: the comparative for big is bigger.
-Oh. Jadi better la ye madame?
-No.

...a few minutes later I received the last sms...

"Takkan bagger kot madame?"

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Talking

The other day I was watching the telly when my niece came and sat beside me. After a while she started talking to herself, obviously engrossed in some play-acting. I think she was in a hospital, playing the role of a doctor tending to her patients, because I heard words like "doctor", "headache" and "cucuk". Naya sungguh pi hospital ni. Sakit kepala sikit dah nak kena injek.

And she went on talking and talking and talking. Well one thing I need to tell you guys about my niece is that she is blessed with the gift of the gab. Give her any topic and she can yak for hours. And when she's in her fantasy world, she takes play-acting to another level. Misalan kata la kan, kalau dia berangan jadi cikgu sekolah, she'll make sure she acts out her pupil in another voice. And sometimes in another language. Like the other day I was eavesdropping on her conversation with one of her "pupils", I was surprised to discover that she asked a question in English but her pupil replied in Malay. When I asked her why, she told me that the teacher didn't speak Malay because she came from England. Ambik kau.

Well anyway back to the story. So she was talking to her patient and I interrupted her, asking why she was talking to herself. She said no. I said yes. There was nobody else around us talking to her.

Then she turned to me and said, "Mak Long, I'm not talking to myself. I'm talking to my imaginary friends in my head. If there was nobody in my head while I'm talking, now THAT would be crazy."

Nah. Ambik kau. Sekali lagi.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Macam pernah ku dengar...tapi bila ye?

My mom said I was a very shy girl as a kid. It was (and still is) difficult for me to express certain feelings. Or be direct. Kalau nak sesuatu tu mesti kena konar-konar sikit and my parents would have to conclude themselves what it was that I wanted.

For example:
1) "Hari Ahad zoo bukak tak Ma?" (read: I want to go to the zoo)
2) (as my dad drove past A&W Taman Jaya) "Along lapar la Ma." (read: I want to eat at A&W)
3) "Bestnya kalau dapat tengok binatang batu tu kan Pa?" (read: I want to go to Mimaland)

So yesterday I went to One Utama with my niece untuk menghiburkan hatinya. And take her to Get Crafty for her art n craft fix. After that we had lunch and went to MPH to read and buy some books. Then I suggested we go home since we had done basically everything that we had planned to do.

"Are we going home now?"
"Yes. Kan dah pegi Get Crafty, dah makan, dah beli buku?"
"Aina haus la Mak Long."
"OK nanti sampai rumah kita minum air suam."
"But I'm thirsty now."
*Sigh* "OK. Jom kita pegi beli air mineral botol kecik tu."

Sambil berjalan-jalan mencari kedai yang menjual air mineral...

"Mak Long! Mak Long!"
"Yes?"
"Kita pergi minum air suam kat tempat yang ada jual aiskrim k?"

Hmm...HMMMM.....

P/S: For those of you who are too young to have experienced the joys and excitement of running around in Mimaland, silalah Google Map kot-kot ada lagi.


Friday, April 13, 2012

InTra visit to Balakong

Yesterday I went for an Industrial Visit at Balakong to visit one of my students who is doing his practical training there. At Y&L Metal Components Sdn Bhd in Kawasan Perindustrian Kg Baru Balakong.

At the end of the visit, he took me around the huge factory to see all the machines and different sections, from stamping to wire-cutting. He animatedly told me the history of this company, how it started from just out of a two-storey shoplot thirty years ago by his GM Mr Lee. There were two partners in this company. The GM and the MD.

Oh. So I said to him his GM must be the one making up the L part of the name Y&L Metal Components Sdn Bhd. And I was guessing his MD's name to be Yoong or Yee or Yip or Yap.

"No lah madame. Y&L means Young & Lively."

Huh? Ye ke budak ni. Ke tipu aku? Macam nama syarikat buat tuala wanita je.

Friday, April 6, 2012

New colleague #1

My new colleague turned out to be a very nice guy. Seriously, super nice. He even calls me madame. I feel like the wicked witch beside him with my booming voice and all when I interact with my students when they come to the office for consultation.

And I've never met anyone who really likes research. Dia selalu bercerita yang dia sangat suka bekerja. He is happiest in front of the computer. Cuma sekarang ni bila dah kahwin dia perlu balik awal untuk ambil isteri dari tempat kerjanya. Katanya.

And I was like, "Ooohhh ini motivasi untuk saya menulis kertas akademik ni. He is put right beside me for a reason; Nothing is random in this world. Nothing."

But that feeling lasted for about half an hour.

Yesterday my new colleague's Section Head came to visit and look-see. He introduced this Dr to everyone formally. He told us that Dr would be teaching during the next short semester. Then he asked us to welcome him and make him feel comfortable in his new surrounding.

Secara berseloroh, saya bertanya ketua seksyennya (tapi dengan muka serius), "Since he's new here, can we ask him to make us coffee every morning?"

Ketua seksyen tersebut hanya tersenyum dan berkata, "Up to you la." Dia pun tau saya suka buat lawak walaupun kadang-kadang kemolaran kelakar saya agak rendah sekali.

Then that evening I chatted again with my cubicle neighbor. He was expressing concern about his classes and I gave him whatever advice I could. Then I asked him if how he was getting along working at MFI. He said everything was okay. No problems.

"Yang penting ada respek kan madame? Takde nak buli-buli kan madame?"

Alamak, madame joke-joke je Dr bila cakap pasal buat kopi tu. Takpe-takpe kalau Dr tak nak buat kopi minggu depan madame suruh tiup mentol menyala sampai padam.

P/S: Doc if you're reading this welcome to A004! :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

New colleague

Yesterday the empty cubicle next to mine was occupied with a new staff from the HVAC Section. Katanya seorang pemegang doktor falsafah. So I took the opportunity to ask him more about his previous workplace before he decided to come to MFI.

-Dr dulu kerja kat mana?
-Saya belum bekerja lagi. Saya baru habis belajar.
-Oh! Muda lagi la!
-Saya baru 28 tahun.

Wow. I was so impressed. At such a "tender" age, he has reached one of the big milestones in the world of academia. The courage. The hard work. The discipline. The persistence.

He would have started on his PhD work when he was 25. Me, at that age, I still wasn't sure of what I wanted to do in life. Everything was decided on a daily basis.

And I was still dreaming of dating a rock star.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Industrial Training Supervisor

This morning I called one company here in Bangi to speak to one of my students' Industrial Training supervisors. The number that I dialed got me connected to the receptionist. So I asked for this person.

-Selamat pagi. Boleh saya bercakap dengan Puan Norazmirah?
-Dari department mana ye?
-Saya tak tahu.
-Tak apa. Boleh saya dapatkan nama penuh dia?
-Errr...(looking at the excel file I had in front of me)...Norazmirah bt Abdul Aziz Junior.
-Hmmm...tak ada la Puan. Betul ke nama tu?
-Betul betul. Saya tengah tengok list nama saya ni.

I took the spectacles that I was cleaning, wore them and looked at the list again. At the column where the name was written it said, "Norazmirah bt Abd Aziz, Junior". Then at the line below it said, "Section Leader".

She was the Junior Section Leader.

Moral of the story: I need reading glasses.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Levels

A couple of days ago I showed some caving pictures to my niece. She looked at all the photos of caves and insects and shells and snakes and bats and just couldn't stop keeping her mouth from dropping in awe. Aku pun happy la sebab dapat eksyen dengan dia.

Then she said:
"Wow Mak Long this is so cool. You're so adventurous. You're already at level 9. But not yet at level 10 where you put your head in a lion's mouth!"

Sigh. Anybody knows where I can rent a lion? I need to impress my 9 year old niece to advance to level 10.

Oh. And I might need some breath freshener as well.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Nasib baik...

During my French class I would always try to include either games, movie watching or songs to have a bit of fun. This week I decided to let them listen to a French song that was very famous in the 90s. Before we listened to the song, I gave my students a brief description of the song and of the singer. And told them that the song came out in 1992.

Then one of them exclaimed:
"Waaaa masa tu madame dah kat France ke?"
"Yes. I was doing my diploma at that time."

Then another one said to me:
"Owhhh...Tapi kan madame selalunya macam tu. Kalau cikgu atau pensyarah tu mesti nampak muda je walaupun dah...dah...ermm..."
"Walaupun dah apa?"
"Errr...ermmm..."
"WALAUPUN DAH APA?"
"Walaupun dah banyak tahun mengajar madame!"
"Oh. Ok"

As I turned to the board to write some words, from the corner of my eye, I could see the boy mengurut-urut dada. And turn to his friend and whisper:

"Fuh. Nasib baik aku sempat cover. Aku nak kata tua tadi. Nasib baik..."

CEH.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Aina riding in Mak Long's Ferrari

I drive a car that is 13 years old. I didn't realize how rickety it has become until my niece sat beside me while driving to One Utama yesterday for some bonding time.

We stopped at the big giant intersection in front of One Utama and it just take ages to wait for the light to turn green. We sat quietly. Then my niece made strange sounds. You know the sounds that you make when you open your mouth and just say "Aaaaaaaaa" in front of a fan that is switched on just to hear your voice vibrating?

-Wow! Kerusi kereta Mak Long macam masage chair la!
-Ok.
-Pastu bila cakap pun suara gegar...
-Ok.
-Look Mak Long! The dashboard is shaking!
-Okkkkayyyyy....

Silence for a while.
Then a few seconds later...

-Ooooh Mak Long! You have four hands. I can see you with four hands!
-That's my steering wheel vibrating.
-Wowwww. Your car is one big washing machine! Semua gegar!
-OKAY OKAY OKAY!

And the light turned green.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Jam baru

Pagi tadi saya tengok jam saya. Pukul 6:58. Saya terkejut. Sebab menunjukkan waktu yang lambat. Hai takkan baru beli dah rosak kot? Jam digital yang nombornya glow in the dark tu. Tengok lagi sekali. Mungkin saya rabun. Masih lagi 6:58. Saya tenung jam saya lama-lama. Saya lihat lambang three stripes tu ada di atas. Hmmm...sepatutnya ada di bawah.

Ohhh. Saya pakai jam terbalik. Sebenarnya sudah pukul 8:59.

Barulah betul.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

20 interesting facts for the day

1. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch (and make it look like it is smiling).

2. Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying jag of Flapan, instead of flag of Japan.

3. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.

4. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

5. The average person laughs 13 times a day.

6. Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are:Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil)

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

8. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

9. The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.

10. Whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.

11. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

12. If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural cause.

13. The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!

14. Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks.

15. The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones.

16. Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die.

17. Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.

18. The verb “cleave” is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.

19. When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red.

20. When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Tap tap

I just discovered today that tapping twice on any photo on the iPhone will zoom it and tapping twice again on the enlarged photo will bring it back to its original size. This after more than one year of use.

Sigh. What else do I need to know about my handphone? Print screen. I should learn about this as well. I've seen people do it.

And after writing a text message, how do we make the keypad disappear so that there's more space for us to read the previous ones?

Do I need a special class for this? Or just the manual?

By the way, where is the manual?

Sigh.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Aina's first swimming lesson


Yesterday was my niece's first swimming class. She burst into the room to show off her new swimming suit and goggles as I was watching some video clips on YouTube about the French language that I can use as material in my class. She was so happy and excited.

"Mak Long! Look at me! Look at my new blue goggles. Cool huh?" and walked back and forth across the room.

Before I could respond, my phone rang. A Chinese lady was on the other end.

-Hello? Cik Nohayati Ya-ya? Saya membwat panggilan dari XXX. Kami ingin menawarkan bla bla bla..."

"Wow! The wall is blue! My goggles have magical powers."

-Di sini saya ingin bagitau Cik ar, jikalau Cik bla bla bla..."

"Whoa! Even the bed is blue! wahahaha!"

-Cik Nohayati busy kah? Sedang driving kah?

Then my niece came to my laptop and shouted,

"Waaa! Mak Long's watching a blue movie!"

-Err...okay lah tak apalah...lain kali sajie la saya call Cik Nohayati...

Toot...toot...toot...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Kejadian di stesen minyak. Again.

This morning I went to a petrol station to fill my tank. I did not have much cash so I used my credit card instead.

When paying at the counter, the cashier gave me the receipt for me to sign and he looked at the card while I was signing.

-Wooo tak boleh la akak. Itu sign takda sama.

So I looked at the back of my card and true enough I had forgotten to sign it since it was one that was recently renewed for me.

-Oh OK.

So I took back the credit card, signed it, and gave it back to the cashier.

He looked at the signature at the back of the card, looked at the one on the receipt and then nodded.

-Wokeh. Sekarang sudah sama.

And gave me back my card and a copy of the sales receipt.
Kah kah kah.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Reminder for assignment

Yesterday in class I was discussing with the students about their first assignment. I also reminded them to come and see me at the office and show the progress of their work.

-I want you to show me a sample of your brochures by this week. You can show me the soft copy OR print it out in black and white first for me to see. After that you can print it out in colour using glossy paper.

Then I decided to rephrase everything I said ke nada yang lebih berbudi bahasa.

-I mean, I would like to see a soft OR hard copy of your brochure sample first before you print it out in colour using glossy paper.

Most of the students nodded. The one of them raised his hand.

Dalam hati saya berkata, aku dah agak dah. Mesti ada yang tak paham makna glossy ni. Atapun tak ingat apa option yang aku bagi tadi. Itu la masa aku bercakap kau sibuk nak bercakap jugak dengan kawan kau.

-Oui, monsieur, do have a question to ask?
-Yes madame. So...want or would like?

LOL. That was the perfect ending to my class. :D

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sambil meminum sup tomyam di Noodle Station Alamanda...

Yesterday I went to Alamanda after work for some grocery shopping. And decided to have an early dinner at the Noodle Station. New menu, new dishes, new prices.

As I got my order, a young couple entered the restaurant and sat next to my table. I was sitting on a long banquette so I sort of shared it with two other tables. And we were seated quite close to each other so I could hear everything they were talking about without me having to really eavesdrop. In other words, I WAS.

Anyway as I was enjoying my mild seafood tomyam noodle (yang sedap by the way), the girl said to her boyfriend, "Yang jom kita pegi Spain?", to which he replied, "Jauhnya baby kat Amerika Selatan tu!". I was dying to turn to them and correct the gross geographical error but decided against it and took out my iPhone to update my FB status about this instead. Sekurang-kurangnya saya tak cari pasal dan saya pun boleh makan dengan aman.

Then they got their order. Then the girl decided she didn't want what she ordered but wanted what BF was having instead. Ini semua the manja trap that I'm used to seeing and in other circumstances I'm OK with it lantak engkaulah but at that moment it quite annoyed me because I really wanted some peace and quiet for me to enjoy my noodle soup alone. But I just waited for the bickering to end and it did eventually after a few minutes. Saya syak mereka baru menjadi couple. Kalau pasangan yang dah kenal lama tu mau mangkuk curry laksa tu dah ada kat atas kepala.

Then they started talking about their school days. Ohhh mereka bersekolah di sekolah rendah yang sama rupanya. She said she was in Kelas Satu in standard one. The boy said he was in Kelas Tiga because he was not a clever boy (dan sampai sekarang pun la dok sengal lagi cuma dia tak sedar-sedar). The girl argued and said no all the kids were placed in the classes at random dan bukan ikut kepandaian. And they started arguing and the manja-manja pout came out again. Yes no yes no yes no yes no. Dan ruang udara di bahagian meja saya pun dipenuhi dengan bunyi rungutan yang sungguh bingit.

So I turned to them and said, "Adik masa akak darjah satu sampai darjah enam kelas mengikut kepandaian. Pastu kan, akak sentiasa dalam kelas A. Dari darjah 1A sampailah darjah 6A. Masa geografi cikgu akak ajar, negara Sepanyol tu di benua Eropah."

They both stared at me, nodded a little, really slowly, maybe out of fear that I might lunge at them with my black chopsticks.

I smiled at them, put on my earphones, and continued slurping my soup. Sambil mendengar Gary Moore menyanyi di iTunes ku. And to cancel out all the noises coming from the table beside mine.

I wasn't so sure, but I think I could read the boy's lips saying "Ada aku kesah?" to GF. Kah kah kah.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The case of the desperate orange thrower

During Chap Goh Mei, maidens throw oranges to fetch the apple of their eyes, or so read the title for the Star Online dated Tuesday February 7, 2012. Some of my Chinese friends have urged me to join in the fun. "Alaaa tak jumpa pun tak apa la, suka-suka saja...."

But that's the whole problem. In view of the advanced stages of my maidenhood years, I have no time anymore to spare for benda main-main. If I were to go and throw any citrus fruit into the sea or into a lake, I would have to make sure I eliminate all failure risks and maximize success rate.

Firstly, I need a fool-proof plan. Imagine me as an Ah Lian. If I want any potential Ah Beng to get my orange with my contact number on it I would have to make sure the fruit is easily fished out. Wrap it in bubble wrap so it would float on the surface of the water. Paint it in fluorescent pink or yellow so that it stands out from the rest (of the other oranges belonging to equally hopeful Ah Lians). But most importantly, tie the damn fruit to a tree with a secure string before throwing it into the sea. It will stay near the land! Someone is definitely bound to see it, pick it up, and look at it. If it's a monkey he will probably eat it up. But do not despair. That is just one of the 144 oranges that I have bought for this mission. There are 143 more.

Then there's the strategy for dissemination of personal info. If I just write my name and write "Gong Xi Fa Cai muah muah" on the orange, this will leave any potential suitor in a quandary. He will need some precious time to figure out who I am. He would have to gather any remaining traces of fingerprint or DNA imprinted on the skin of the fruit. And by the time he discovers my true identity, should he persevere, I might just already be menopausal and there goes any chances at procreation.

So let's not waste time. I'll write my name, my contact number, my vital statistics, which side of the bed I sleep on, my cats' names, their vaccination dates, my email addresses (yahoo, hotmail, gmail), my Facebook account, my twitter account, my latest medical history, my height, current weight and BMI. Oh and also the "Jurujual dan MLM tak mau" warning.

Yup. That's about it. I think I need a bigger citrus fruit. I think I need a pomelo.

So call me? Please? I'll pay you?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

AJL 26

Last week-end I met my two school seniors for our annual AJL girl outing at Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil. As usual it will start with makan-makan and catching up on one year's worth of life stories and gossiping, then go listen to some songs and probably cheer for our favorite performers (abang AZ mengapa kau tarik diri? Sob sob) and lastly end the outing with supper at the nearest mamak joint.

But one thing that hit me on that day when I looked at everyone around me was how outdated I was when it came to dressing style and mannerism and savoir-faire. Al-maklumlah bukannya selalu saya dapat pergi ke majlis ala-ala malam penyampaian anugerah ni.And it dawned upon me that age was really the great terrible divide.

Dari pemerhatian saya sepanjang berada di stadium tempohari bolehlah saya rumuskan yang berikut:

1) Kalau kau cantik, muda dan berpakaian ala model lengkap dengan mekap salun, rambut palsu dan bulu mata palsu, kau akan dikerumuni oleh para remaja 18-22 tahun yang akan cuba mengambil gambar bersama kau. Budak lelaki penuh hormon pula akan cuba membuat pose peluk jadi terpulang pada kau macamana kau nak menepis.

2) Kalau kau cantik dan berdandan tidak mengapa kalau kau ditemani lelaki yang gemuk dan awww. Ini sedikit pun tidak akan menjatuhkan kredibiliti atau menjatuhkan saham kau kerana semua pakwe potensi akan tahu mamat lembut itu hanyalah kawan sahaja tidak lebih dari itu.

3) Walaubagaimana gemuk, pendek dan kurang hensemnya seseorang lelaki itu, kalau dia kaya dan berkereta besar dia tetap akan jalan berpegangan tangan masuk ke stadium dengan seorang gadis (atau dua) dari glongan nombor 1) atau 2).

4) Kalau kau super mega diva selebriti seperti Siti Nurhaliza, kau akan keluar ke tandas sekurang-kurangnya empat kali semasa persembahan dan akan sentiasa menggunakan laluan yang paling panjang untuk keluar supaya semua orang akan lihat kau dan akan menjerit-jerit nama kau dan kau berpeluang untuk membuat lambaian ratu kepada semua peminat.

5) Kalau kau peminat ultra fanatik Faizal Tahir kau akan datang ke stadium memakai tshirt Superman walhal satu Malaysia sudahpun lupa perihal isu kontroversi adiwira itu dan tema persembahannya pada malam itu pun adalah tema bakar piano.

Tapi kesimpulan yang paling penting: Herman Tino tu bapak Hafiz.