Sunday, November 7, 2010

A gentle reminder

Some info to my students who are sitting for their semester exams beginning tomorrow:

1) Please bring your student ID and exam slip into the exam hall.
2) Please be outside the hall at least 15 minutes before exams start.
3) Be neatly dressed. By this I mean wearing a collared shirt. Or your institute jacket. And if possible, please wash your jeans.
4) Make sure your hair is short and nicely combed. And shampooed. The thing that stresses me out the most is when I see students with rambut stail patung Lego man dan berminyak.
5) Slippers and 3/4 length pants are not allowed. If you want to be a surfer boy, go and migrate to the Gold Coast. Kalau tak cukup duit, start with Bali.

Now for the fun part:

1) No toyol is allowed. If you think real hard, your brain cells will function.
2) For those who have low self-esteem and need your safety blanket in the form of your notes to be near/around you all the time or you will feel helpless and alone, (my niece also has a bantal busuk but she's only seven), psyche yourself up by chanting this magic mantra ''I am a grown adult and I have an IQ of over 50 thus I am able''. Start chanting this magic mantra the night before and believe me you will find in you the trust and self-confidence you sorely lack.
3) It is downright inconsiderate to ask your good friend Toyol to wait for you in the toilet. It is even more evil to ask him to hide under the cistern while waiting for you to come and consult him. How would you like it if you were trapped in a place that is wet, damp and smelling of urine?

This is what I do to you students I catch cheating during an exam. I take out my bling-bling pink syringe and inject you with this special liquid that contains a top secret substance. I will not tell you what it is but once it takes effect (which is just in a matter of seconds), you will experience hot flushes, feel nauseous and pass out. When you regain consciousness, you will find yourself shrunk to the size of the Lego man and tied to the end of a stick with a rubber band. I will then attach the other end of the stick to a chair in my house. You will provide countless hours of continuous fun to my four cats and I will finally be able to watch all my fav back-to-back series of NCIS/Criminal Minds/Lie to me peacefully and in total comfort.

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  1. very gentle indeed.. tp yg paaaling best tu, wash your jeans tu.. hahaha.. x tahan betul.. u should be in a hall with pelajar dari Tanah Besar C****.. the smell can make u speechless! hehehe