Serupa tapi tak sama langsung

For the past few days a lot of people have been sms-ing/e-mailing/FB-ing me asking whether it is true or not the rumour going around saying that I have resigned from my current workplace to continue working at another university.

So here I would like to clarify things. The person is not me. It is someone else who bears the same name as I do.

Nevertheless I appreciate all the concern. It warms my heart to read all the kind words. It's nice to know that there are still some people who want to have me around. I *heart* you all! OK group hug group hug! Awwwww...

But anyhow one day if you ever hear another rumour about a crazy tall woman running after abang Anuar Zain, flailing her arms in the air and shouting, "Aku di sini! Pilihlah aku Anuar! Apa kurangnya aku?!"

...itu mungkin saya!

Rina the Red Lobster

Rina is a lobster who once lived happily with her parents. Then one day while playing hide-and-seek at the muddy bottom of the river, a huge current swept her away from her family. Luckily there was an old man who was kind enough to rescue her. He took her to a new home. She had to travel a long time by boat. But Rina loves it so much there. The water is clear, the seaweeds aplenty and she can play with her new friends.

...

Hi guys! Long time no see. What's up?
Hey Rina! My oh my your shell is so red! said the tiger prawn. I look so tiny beside you now.
Hello Rina. Goodness me. Just look at your claws. They are so much bigger than mine! said the blue crab.

Don't you just love it here? The water is always clean. We never run out of food. No nasty sharks. There's nothing to be worried about. Look how much I've grown!

Nothing to be worried about. Nothing to be worried about.

...

Mommy Mommy! Look at this bright red one in the aquarium! Can we have lobster for dinner instead of crab?
Sure sweetie. Let me ask the waiter. Excuse me? We've changed our minds. Can we have the lobster instead?
Can....Can...of course can....good size...good size. What style you want Ma'am? Butter? Sweet and sour? Chili? Semua boleeeehh...

Mari kita tengok siapa yang kena!

When I was a little kid my Dad would sometimes call home from work and tell me that he received a phone call form a boy called Basri. And this Basri wanted to talk to me. And I would always fall for the trick and ask him "Which Basri?", to which he would reply "Bas Sri Jaya."

This afternoon one of my students sms-ed me and asked if I wanted to go out for lunch with them.
"Jom la Madame kitaorang belanja Madame special punya burger. Kat Burger King tak jual."
"Burger apa?"
"Bergedil."

CIS.

My GPS still functions

Today is my first day to work in 2010. Semangat berkobar-kobar. Siap pakai mekap.

When I arrived at the office I discovered that one of the vacant tables has been occupied.

Then people came into the room. Conversations. Slimy jokes. Oh. Sorry. "Man" jokes. I hear words like "awek", "kahwin", "bini baru" and the dreaded phrase: "Kalau aku la kan..."

I can look forward to another year of joke gatal.

Oh well...some things never change. But sometimes that particular constant is not what you need in your life.

Aina Maisara goes to school today!

- Mak Long, why is the collar of this shirt so long and pointy?
- Nanti senang nak korek telinga dalam kelas.
- Oh. OK.
- Yati please don't teach nonsense to your niece.
- OK.

Let's get real

Goals are essential to making New Year Resolutions. If you have a clearly defined purpose of what you want, you are much more likely to continue-and even stick to-your plans.

A goal must be both quantifiable and attainable. Or else it is considered nonspecific and, therefore, not meaningful. A goal that is nonspecific cannot be readily achieved and is apt to result in frustration. Or, as it is usually the case, be met with cynical remarks and even be subject to sardonic humor. There is a saying for this in Bahasa Melayu: Hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Let us sum these criteria up in two points (for the goals, not the chicken poo):

1) In order for a goal to be quantifiable, it must have measurable parameters.

For example, losing 3 kilos in 3 months is a quantifiable goal. You can weigh yourself today and again in three months to see whether you have met your goal. The scale will indicate your degree of weight loss in a measurable context. And it might also show if you have exceeded expectations. Like, say, if you weigh yourself, then straight away deduct the weight of one of the body organs (the skin, for example, takes up 16% of your body weight), then you might not have to wait 3 months to see the weight reduction. And still continue enjoying gluttony and decadence.

2) In order for a goal to be attainable, it must be realistic.

For example, having 2 cups of coffee per day instead of 3 is realistic, thus attainable. Cutting out coffee altogether from your life is not. It is in fact foolish and may lead to suicidal tendencies. It is better to set modest goals that are within reach. This lends to a feeling of accomplishment that will spur you on to more ambitious goals. The yes!-and-punching-the-air feeling.

So I have listed out 5 goals as my 2010 resolutions that I think are quantifiable and most definitely attainable.

1. When I drive to work or back home and a car suddenly swerves in front of me without indicating, I will swear only in Bahasa Melayu instead of mouthing all the bad words that I know in Bahasa Melayu, English and French. Cintailah Bahasa Kita.
2. Whenever my students come late to class, I will no longer just stare at them and give them the vulture look. I will instead bring a stopwatch to class to write down in my buku 555 how many minutes exactly that they are late to arrive to class. And then deduct points according to a range that I will decide later.
3. I will resume my exercise routine. At least 1 yoga and 1 dance class per week. Any other kind of workout (ie power walking, lazy jogging, high flying trapeze etc.) will be considered as an added bonus and will be duly rewarded with a scoop of Butter Pecan.
4. I will consult a Lasik specialist and proceed with the eye operation. I have so far only managed the first part of the process. There are too many questions in my head that leave great doubt and fear for me to go ahead with the procedure (What if tiba-tiba there's a blackout during my operation? Do they have a gen set? And a gen set backup? What if the doctor suddenly experiences an epileptic seizure and I am left helpless with red laser shooting at my flapping cornea? Arghh tidak!). Deadline will be in March '10.
5. I plan to celebrate my birthday this year in Danau Toba with my spa partners and go skinny dipping in the lake. Notice the word "skinny" in skinny dipping. Hence my resolution number 3.

Well there you go. My hopes and dreams for a more fulfilled 2010. My best wishes to all of you too.

I see you

5 things I love about Avatar:

1. You stay awe-struck-gob-smacked throughout the whole movie. You do not want to blink your eyes even for a second, for fear of missing any of the insanely beautiful visual feast.
   
2. Tall people are cool.
3. The Americans are the bad guys for once.
4. The men in Pandora "communicate", "connect", "feel", "see". These are not alien concepts to them.
5. There's a 3D option.
   

5 things I hate about Avatar:

1. The Na'vi have 0% body fat. Urgh.
2. They don't have pink Ikrans.
3. Anybody could have written the dialogue. Anybody.
4. The soundtrack is so haunting at times you just want to cry. And I am such a wimp.
5. Dances With Wolves in outer space anyone?

But having said that, who cares about the weak narration, the deja vu storyline and the hideously beefed up Army Colonel with the scars (I was expecting to see stars as well on the other side of his head to go with the stripes)? We watch Avatar for its story of redemption, for the liberation of the hero. We watch the movie for the loud Green and anti-War message that it's trying to get across. We want to have all our senses awakened at the sheer fecundity of nature. We want to always have the images of the Pandora woods at night, in all its luminescent glory, imprinted in our minds. We applaud at the victory of the Na'vi, we want to believe that there is still hope in humanity and mankind. That we still have compassion, we still have empathy. And as we watch the movie right to the end, we secretly wish inside that such a beautiful yet alien land existed in our world. Avatar is truly a Pandora's box of wonders.